Rene and Will:
Discovery
The Erotic Reminisce of Two Lovers, Many Years Later
Rene
I graduated from a fairly large high school in the Midwest. I was in the top 5% of my class – earned several scholarships and darn-near every academic award available. Unfortunately, my high school did not prepare me for chemistry, math and engineering classes at the college level, despite the fact that I took engineering college prep courses. In fact, I barely made it through my first quarter. I was beginning to doubt that I belonged in college. I was no longer a straight-A student. At least I was making the adjustment to college life, beginning to develop study habits, and getting along with my roommates. In addition to math, which was getting really hard for me, and chemistry, which may as well have been Greek, I had a couple of engineering classes. A few classes were actually taught by tenured professors, but most were taught by young Grad students who didn’t speak English. So I walked into my new class and was surprised to find it taught by a Grad Student who was different from the other Teaching Assistants I had seen, and bonus – English was his first language. This is how we met. Because of your full blonde beard, you resembled a thin version of Grizzly Adams. But you also had an air of confidence that got my attention right away. Your blue eyes sparkled as you joked with the “cool kids” in class, and you always looked relaxed and confident, fully self-assured. With all the self-doubt I was feeling, at first I found your demeanor quite intimidating. And blue eyes and blonde hair! Clearly you were used to getting anything you wanted. You were probably one of the “cool kids” yourself. An unprepared, inexperienced shy girl like myself couldn’t hope to get your attention. I just hoped I wouldn’t run into trouble in class. I didn’t want to go to you for help. I was afraid you would just ridicule me.
But then the disadvantage of inadequate college preparation in high school caught up with me. This class was tough. I really had to study hard to keep up. So many quizzes! I thought you gave quizzes just to feel superior to us lowly students, or to torture us. OK, so I didn’t do too well on those quizzes. I knew I had to talk to you or risk failing. But I was so afraid you would think I was an idiot. So I decided to study really hard to pull up my grade and avoid having to tell you how lost I was in class.
I showed up to class a few minutes early, all ready for the next quiz. I was totally prepared for this one. I was really getting the hang of this studying thing. Never really had to do it in high school. But no problem – I studied for this one. I wanted to show that I could keep up. I wished you would hurry up and get there with that quiz. And then you walked in. Oh…My…God! I couldn’t believe it was you! You SHAVED OFF your beard! Wow! Goodbye, Grizzly Adams – Hello Manly. (I grew up on “Little House on the Prairie”. I thought I was Laura Engalls, being the middle child and all. She fell madly for her teacher’s brother Almonzo Wilder, whom she referred to as “Manly”. All I could think of for the rest of that class was the episode when Laura met Manly. Unfortunately, there were no “Little House on the Prairie” questions on the quiz.) I struggled for twenty minutes with the first question: “Name:”. I remember thinking, “That’s funny, I’m pretty sure I had a name when I walked in here.” I think I got most of it down before the quiz ended, but I can’t be certain of that. The thing I am certain of is that I failed that quiz. How could I be expected to remember anything, including my name, when I was so preoccupied with wondering how it would feel to touch your smooth face, with those incredible cheek bones?
The strangest part is that you actually looked good in that beard, but now without it – Wow! My ability to concentrate was shattered. But now, I wanted to go to your open office hours for help, or at least to get a closer look. So I did show up, and you were so kind. I am certain you could tell that I was having trouble – both academically and socially. Your voice was soft and reassuring. You patiently went over the material again, showing examples so that I would understand. But standing there in your office, right next to you, I could feel your warm breath as you spoke, and I watched your gorgeous blue eyes dance as you illustrated another example to explain the material. To this day, I have no recollection of anything you tried to teach me in that room, but I sure remember your eyes, that radiant, self-confident smile, and the caring tone of your voice. And of course, I’ll always remember the tingling in the air.
Well, it seems my condition worsened. Not only was I having trouble learning the course material, now I had forgotten how to breathe. I stopped by your office frequently, really hoping that somehow I’d instantly understand the material, and could avoid the painful embarrassment of being so awkward in front of you. And now I was certain you could tell how I felt, because I could not control my breathing or facial expressions. I was sure you could hear my heart beating from the hallway in front of your office while I waited for my turn to see you. But you were terrific about it! You continued to be patient and found numerous ways to help me follow the material. But really, if you had been able to turn off that radiant charm, I might have been able to get my concentration back, at least momentarily!
Naturally, I had mixed feelings about the final exam. I wanted to prove I understood what you were teaching, but the truth is I wasn’t sure I did. From the minute you walked into the class that fateful day, everything, including my ability to learn, froze. Time simply stood still. Then came time for the exam, and I wanted to do well, but I also knew it would mean I would no longer be in your class! I briefly contemplated the possibility that I’d fail, and we could have another quarter to get to know each other. Then I realized that wasn’t an option, as you would likely figure I wasn’t capable of understanding the material. Besides, you weren’t planning to teach that class the next quarter. So I took the exam, not knowing whether I would pass, or whether I’d ever see you again.
Will