Where Do We Go From Here 1

(This is complete fiction, though originally started with a crush I had on a young actor. ^.^ As a result, names have been changed. Also, forgive any grammatical errors. I could only go back and spell-check this so many times before I wanted to scream.) This is a cut scene from a novel I was writing. I'll finish the book some day. I decided it didn't need the sex. But I thought maybe you all would enjoy it. It is EXTREMELY long, as I wanted to describe every nuance possible. The scene when she gives him a blow-job, well, that was a milestone for her, as she had been molested as a child and had a penis phobia. But she loved him so much, she wanted to do that for him. Also, the story might seem a bit corny at times, and that also is one reason I cut it out of the novel. Anyhow, enjoy.

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She saw the look in his eyes, knew hers mirrored his. She also knew that she could have stepped back when he stepped forward and brought their bodies into contact with each other. Her breath caught as her breasts brushed against his chest, as their thighs brushed. Then he brought his hand up and cupped her chin, gently bringing her mouth down to his.

Her heart lurched once when their lips touched, a tentative touch, a mere brush of lips. He pulled back half an inch and looked at her. She stared, eyes wide and aware, a faint trace of fear echoing under the longing that swirled through her deepening blue depths. A breath shuddered through her lips, her tongue darted out to wet them. Gareth almost groaned, then, when she didn't push him away, or remove her face from his feather light clasp and step back a safe distance from him, he brought their lips together again, this time pressing his more firmly against hers. He closed his eyes immediately, and Ilona followed suit.

The kiss was slow and gentle, a tasting, a testing of each others wants. Gareth's lips slid over hers, rubbing once, twice before changing the angle just a tad and meshing their mouths together. A shuddering breath passed through Ilona's lips, and she slowly, hesitantly brought one of the hands that had been fisted at her side up to touch his face. Her fingers brushed his jaw, a light, feathery touch, and then she settled her palm on the side of his cheek, right below his ear. Gareth clenched his jaw momentarily, surprised at how that small touch burned his flesh. When her thumb stroked once he almost groaned. He longed to tangle the other hand in her hair, reach his tongue into her mouth, but settled for cupping the other side of her face and deepening the kiss only marginally.

When his lips parted a milimeter and slanted upward so that the new focus was her shapely top lip, Ilona pulled air sharply in through her nose and flexed her fingers on his face. Her other hand was fisted in the fabric of her skirt, itching to run up his side, to touch him in other places. Her heartrate quickened when he began to lightly suck on her top lip, his tongue tentatively brushing her bottom lip.

He could barely feel her heart beating against his, wondered if she could feel his. He longed to bring her closer, to have her molded to him, so there was no mistaking how hard their hearts were beating, how violently they wanted each other. Oh, he knew she wanted him. He felt her fist against his thigh, the way her fingers curled inward, struggling not to touch him. He changed the angle of the kiss again, slanting his mouth downward this time to suck on her full bottom lip. He tried not to, wanted to make it her decision, but his body seemed of a mind of its own, and his hips angled forward, pressing his groan against hers.

She sucked a sharp breath in through her mouth at the exact moment his tongue had reached out to rub along her teeth. Instead, it slipped through that ivory seam and touched the tip of her tongue. The fingers that had a death grip on her skirt loosened suddenly, and Ilona's eyes flashed open. She held her body completely still while Gareth reluctantly released her mouth and pulled back an inch. His eyes were very blue, very deep, and she could clearly see, though she had never seen it in anyone's eyes before, the desire and longing clouding its depths. Focused on her.

He watched her shocked face as emotions flitted over them with lightning speed, as her eyes searched his gaze. Her breath panted out quickly, and because he had not drawn his body away from hers -indeed seemed simply unable to move that part of him away from her- the jerky movement of her rapid breathing teased his senses in several places. Her cheeks were flushed, and he saw the pulse thumping at her throat. He slid the hand that had stayed on her chin down to rub lightly over that teltale sign of her arousal. Her saw her swallow hard, thought he heard the moan that she swallowed with it. Then his eyes moved back up to hers and darkened.

Her eyes were languid, cloudy, her gaze focused intently on him. Her brows were knit with... what was it, he wondered? Longing, confusion, restraint? All three? He waited another heartbeat before taking her mouth again. As he had expected her to, she closed her lips, then, miraculously, opened them again, but only a little, so he would have to work at gaining further entry. He moved his gaze to see what she was thinking, but her eyes had closed, the frown grown deeper, but this time tinged with a definite line of desperation. So his lids slid closed too and his tongue came out to carefully run the seam of her teeth again. He brought his other hand up and slid it into her hair, cupping the back of her head and holding it firmly to him.

Surprise flickered through him briefly when he felt her hand, the one that had remained apart, grip his hip, squeezing hard once, then slowly start the tantalizing slide up his ribs, his chest, the fingers fanning out to encase his entire throat and stroke a couple of times, then arrowing again to rest on the other side of his face as the first hand was. Her teeth parted a fraction and he quickly swept his tongue in before she could take the move back.

When their tongues touched Ilona gasped lightly, her fingers instinctively sliding into his hair and pressing his mouth harder on hers. A slow heat started right below her heart, which was steadily thundering against his, and began to creep with aching slowness downward into her belly. The involuntary gasp had given him broader access to her sweet depths and he took advantage of the opportunity by slipping his tongue in further and rubbing it against hers, then stroking it along the roof of her mouth.

Her breath hitched at the new, slightly odd -yet appealing- sensation. Her breasts rubbed against his chest, and the sudden, sharp shock of pleasure that ellicited as her nipples rubbed against the lace of her bra pulled a moan from her. They hardened to tight, aching peaks with a quickness that would have amazed her had she been able to think clearly, and the low burn that had balled in her stomach flashed high and bright, then began to spread through her abdomen and crawl lower, into her hips and down her thighs, melting the bone and pooling in her loins.

He definitely heard her moan, felt it vibrate in her throat almost like a purr, and allowed himself to moan. He took the final step and brought their bodies flush together. Now he could feel her heart knocking against his, even felt the quivers of her stomach muscles. Her tongue, which had rested on the bottom of her mouth while his stroked the roof, reached up and rubbed boldly against his. The pleasure of tongue touching tongue caused her to moan into his mouth again, and her hands slid across his shoulders, gripping them and then pulling, so that her breasts were completely flattened against the solid wall of his chest. Her body vibrated, he could feel it. He knew she struggled to keep one little part of herself -a rational part of herself- apart from the rest of her feverish body. As he also knew, felt, that rational part not so reluctantly succumbing to the desire that heated their skin.

Gareth tilted her head back so he could reach deeper into the honeyed depths of her mouth, but this bared her throat and, though he hated to leave that hot little cove, he couldn't resist a chance to taste that smooth collumn. So he released her mouth, smiled when she made a little sound of distress, and kissed her chin, then ran open-mouthed kisses down her neck, stopping at the hallow at the base of her throat. He dipped his tongue in that shallow pool, was tempted to go an inch or two lower and sip at her cleavage, but decided not to yet. Instead he licked his way back up to the underside of her jaw and nipped at the pulse there, scraping his teeth along her sensitive skin as his fingers slowly scraped down her ribs. She gasped, her fingers bit into his shoulders, and she moved her mouth down to take his again with a little growl.

Her tongue sought entry first, reaching into his mouth and wrapping around his tongue. Mindlessly his hips thrust against hers once, and he was sublimely shocked when hers thrust right back, her pelvis bumping against the small bulge in his pants. He groaned and lightly bit her bottom lip, then soothed it with his tongue. She moaned and spread her hands across his chest, rubbing them up and down, up and down before pausing over his stomach and then slipping under his shirt to caress his naked skin.

This time his breath caught, and he in turn brought his hands up to the sides of her breasts, lightly grazing them and growling in satisfaction when she moaned. The growl turned into a deep groan when her hips thrust against him and her pelvis rubbed his crotch again. The hardness behind his fly tightened and grew, and, mindlessly, Ilona lifted one leg and wrapped it around his hip, heat seeking heat. Her lower body rubbed his several times, and he grimaced with the overwhemling urge to rip aside her panties and thrust into her fast and hard. Instead he lifted his head and stared down into her upturned face, her lips parted and little gasping pants puffing out of her swollen mouth.

She opened her eyes slowly, had to focus them on Gareth's intent and burning gaze. When her eyes cleared and she started to become aware of what she was doing she froze, and caught her breath on a startled and distressed gasp. Next her hips stopped pistoning against his, and her heart stuttered in mortification before it settled at a steady canter, but her leg remained locked about his hip, as if the bone had solidified that way. Her tongue nervously flicked out to moisten her bereft lips, and she didn't say a single thing as she stared into Gareth's dark and penetrating eyes, though she longed to ask him why he had stopped. Then, as the seconds ticked past and the silence stretched out, realization came to her and she gasped loudly, glancing down their bodies to the place where she still craddled his bulge in her cleft.

My god! she thought in horror. She'd forgotten she was a virgin! She squeezed her eyes closed and bit her bottom lip, trying to will away the aching lance of arousal that shot through her loins. The only thing that had stopped that piercing ache had been rubbing along the hard, thick bulge of Gareth's penis, which was safely hidden inside his pants. How could she have lost herself in the sheer ecstacy of how he made her feel with those long, deep kisses so completely that the danger of jeoperdizing her virginity had never even entered her mind?! She groaned to herself and cursed her hormones.

Besides the fact of her virginity, this just was not fair to Gareth. They were in the front hall for Christ's sake. She couldn't lose her virginity in the front hall on a teeny little table! Added to that was the fact that two of her cats stood on the other side of the room watching them with steady, unblinking eyes.

Oh my god, she thought again. I can't do this with my cats watching like that!

Her eyes snapped open and stared into Elijahs with deep regret. Her mouth opened to tell him she was sorry, that they had to stop before it went any further, but the look on his face stopped the words from coming. His eyes weren't so hot anymore, weren't so focused on the one thing that would stop the ache in their bodies. His blue gaze considered her face quietly, his lips pursed in thought.

God help her she wanted to nibble on those lips.

She shook her head hard to banish those impossible thoughts and opened her mouth again to turn Gareth down. A tightness settled in her heart, constricted her lungs. She didn't want to turn him away! Oh, god help her, she wanted him to take her, right there right now. Her heart lurched when she realized that his hands were gripping her hips, holding their middles together, and that his thumbs were rubbing circles on her hip bones. His gaze dropped to her lips and lingered, then lifted and stared into her eyes.

The heat was still there, she thought with little shivers of apprehension. It no longer burned quite so hot, but it was still there. The evidence was in how piercing and steady his startlingly blue gaze was, in how rigid the bulge that was pressed so intimately against her remained. She licked her lips, tried a third time to tell him to let her go, let her up; to leave and go home. But he spoke first and shocked her speechless.

"I know you're a virgin." He began quietly, his gaze holding her still. "I knew it from the beginning. Ever since you said you'd never dated. I knew," he whispered. "And I knew tonight that I would kiss you, and that you would let me kiss you and show you how good it could be." He took a deep breath, furrowed his brow for a second. "But I don't care." His eyes became gentle and kind, his face no longer taut with the strain of keeping arousal at bay. "I don't fall into bed easily.

"There's only been one." He whispered, waiting until the meaning had sunk in and Ilona was shocked further into silence. "Sex is not casual to me, therefore I do not see this as a casual encounter." A faint smile tilted his lips, lips Ilona still wanted to claim as hers, despite how she knew she musn't let this go any further.

"I care about you," he finally murmured, and his hands released her hips to trace her eyebrows, her cheekbones, her chin and lips with feather-light touches. He studied all of her features with a slightly baffled expression on his face.

Had she been a little more coherent, she might have been insulted by the expression. But she couldn't think of anything but how her heart had gone from canter to trot, how her insides were sighing at his words. How she ached and yearned to lose herself in him; in the comfort and pleasure his body so readily offered.

"Ilona, I care about you, and you matter. You matter more than anybody ever has. I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do." He took a deep breath and held it, then let it out and continued when he was certain her attention was focused on him again and not that little desperate part of her mind that denied what she wanted. "Except that I know you want it." Her gaze sharpened and she clasped her lips together tightly, then turned her head away so he couldnt see the overwhelming truth in her eyes.

"And I respect your feelings and your wants and..." He let out an explosive breath so suddenly she jerked her gaze back to his. She sucked in her breath slowly, her heart reacting to the renewed burning in his eyes and steadily gathering speed towards a gallop.

"I want to see you come."

His words shocked her. Not the blunt way in which he said them. But because he said them with such vehemence. And all she could think was romance novels. Men said things like this in romance novels. Not in real life. In actuality they only wanted to fuck you. They never cared, truly cared, about your own pleasure, about giving you exclusive pleasure. They only wanted theirs. And yet she found no scathing comeback that she would normally have used had another man said those words to her. Because she could see it in his eyes, and she could feel it in his body language. What he said was true. He wanted that shattering pleasure for her, and perhaps only her.

A jolt went through her at the thought that he might want it in return. Not intercourse. He would never pressure her into that. She knew it as she knew that the seasons would always change. But he might expect a return favor. She bit her lip, the thought of doing that to him momentarily churning her stomach.

As if he had read her thoughts, had been reading them all along, he shook his head gently and framed her face lightly, saying against her lips, "No no no no no no. You, Ilona. Just you." His voice was soothing, his kiss tender and reassuring. "I swear, I promise it's only you." He stroked her neck and leveled his intense blue gaze on hers, a silent plea for acceptance swirling around in those passionate depths. "Please," he asked in a hoarse voice barely above a whisper.

Her body screamed, Yes, of course! Dont be an idiot Ilona. Take what he offers! You know you want it. You want it almost as much as you want your book published. Her head said Eh, why not? I'm as much tangled up as your hormones are. And her heart murmured, Will another man ever say what he has to you again? Do you really think there will be anyone else who will speak in such a selfless manner? Take it Ilona. Take it while it's there.

Her conscious never even surfaced. The strong moral fiber that had gotten her through High School with her heart and self-respect intact never said a word in the internal struggle that tore though her. It stayed beneath the tumultous sea of feelings, as if it knew that it would never win. It counted its losses and stayed out of harms way. This was one battle it was too damn tired to fight. It had been fighting that battle for twelve long years, day in and day out, and it was tired.

Just this once, it sighed resignedly. And we'll deal with consequences later.

Ilona shut her eyes tight, clenched her fists, and then let out the breath she had been holding as she gave Gareth his answer.

"Alright," she whispered, and was swept away again when his mouth swooped down to claim hers and his groin ground into hers.

Her system jerked at the sudden assault after such a long and expectant calm. A moan tore itself from her throat and her tonuge attacked Gareth's avariciously. Her hands raced greedily over his well-toned body, brushing over his nipples and making him gasp, then snaking around his back and smoothing up and down the muscled expanse. His hands fisted in her hair, his teeth nipped and his tongue plundered. He thrust his hips against her in a steady, mating rhythm that drew desperate little whimpers from her. Her breath panted out in short, jolting gasps as her heartbeat roared in her ears. The ache that had begun to lessen in her loins burst into flame and had her pleading for Gareth to stop the pain. He shushed her and released her mouth to travel down to her breasts. He bent slightly, his hips continuing the steady thrusting against her as his mouth moved over her breasts. He quickly unbuttoned her shirt and drew the fabric aside, exposing the lace bra that had teased him all night through the thin material of the blouse, and the milk white breasts that strained against their confines.

God, he thought while joy squeezed his chest. He'd fantasized about her breasts since the very first time he had seen her. Then he had tried not to, but now... he kissed the tops of those soft, silky mounds above the lace with a greedy growl that tingled along Ilona's nerve endings.

She slicked her hands down to his butt, covered them over his jeans first, then quickly worked under the fabric and gripped his bare buttocks. Damn he had a nice ass, she thought with a lopsided smile while pleasure raged in her. His mouth was doing wonderful things to her breasts, she thought hazely, and gasped and moaned when his tongue slipped beneath the edge of her bra and licked over a rigid nipple. He abandoned the little flickering, teasing touches almost as soon as he had started, and placed the hot circle of his mouth directly over the nipple and sucked her through the fabric of her bra, his other hand squeezing her other breast and flicking his finger over its sensitive tip. She quickly abandoned his buttocks and brought her hands up to cup his head and hold him to her breast, her head thrown back and a look of pure rapture on her face as he suckled and nipped.