Everybody took the CPA board exam in Oct that year, except Emman. Somebody told me that he was not able to review properly because of what happened to us. Why would it be my fault? He's got somebody else. Who moved on?
Just as what Peping predicted, I was among those who passed in Apr 1990.
1991
A year after, a day after my birthday, Apr 30, Imee, who sat with me behind Emman during our English class, phoned. She said that she's reviewing for the CPA Board Exam again because her test paper was among those that got burned that time. She greeted me for my birthday and after talking for a while, "Joy, you'd never guess who's with me at this very moment."
She passed the phone to...Emman...
"Happy birthday, Joy. I just passed the Board. How are you? I'm getting married on May 4."
That's just 4 days away. My world collapsed. A year had already passed and I still have not forgotten him. I crouched on the floor. Regardless of who he marries, he really had to get married early. Two years after grad. I didn't even go out with anybody else during that span of time.
"Are you asking for my permission?" I asked.
"Joy, give me a reason why I should not marry Lorna and I won't."
"So you really got serious with her then. How is she?" I queried.
"She's five months pregnant," he whispered.
I got up as quickly as I fell on the floor.
"Marry her. The baby needs a father."
"Joy, please understand me. She fooled me. I needed to accompany her to Tarlac in Nov 1990. She introduced me to her parents and other relatives as her husband. I was not able to back out. We really needed to marry civilly because of that upon our arrival back to Manila. We faked her parents' signatures that's why our civil marriage is a fake. Joy, I am still free. Have pity on me."
I hung up.
I couldn't understand myself why I suddenly felt a void inside me. There was emptiness. Why did he have to let me know that he's getting married? I went on dates with a professional basketball player, a law student (who ran for senate 19 years after), and a Philippine Military Academy graduate and when I became a flight attendant, pilots, pursers, stewards, and commercial models desired me, but no one could fill that emptiness, that void that Emman left inside of me. I longed for his cuddles, caresses, and hugs. I missed his romantic ways, his thoughtfulness, his songs, his actuations, and efforts. I knew Lorna is enjoying all that everyday of their married life. I guess no one could ever compare to the love that Emman made me feel. I would never find that out, as I didn't give myself a chance to be loved by others.
But I had to move on. I trusted somebody and we got married in 1994.
1996
Emman and I met by chance at Rustan's Cubao. He was with Lorna and two sons; I was with my then husband and my daughter. Emman and I just exchanged nods.
He called me a few weeks after. He got my phone number from our classmate. He wanted to meet for old time's sake. I agreed.
"Joy, would you be able to leave a space for me inside your heart? You're still here in mine."
"Emman, if we didn't work out before when we were still single, we're not going to work out now that we have our own families already. We're never meant to be."
I left without giving him a chance to say another word.
My family and I migrated to Canada (Winnipeg) in 2001.
2008
My marriage broke down in May.
Because of social media, I got re-connected with my elementary and university classmates who were Emman's classmates in high school. I found out that Emman and his family moved here in Canada (Mississauga) in 2006...of all places. One of them gave me his email address.
Dec 16 I sent a Christmas greeting to Emman.
Dec 18 Emman responded to my email with a Subject: The One That Got Away
It's a three-page narration of the author about his "what if", his "could have been," his "might have been." It's obvious that this was just forwarded to Emman and now he's sending it to me.
It went on to say (credit goes to the original writer):
In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with, and the one that got away.
Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards didn't fall the right way.
I believe in the fact that ending up with someone does not lie merely in the other person. It has to do with the matter of timing, being ready to settle down, and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.
How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequential become deal breakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.
Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.
So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want and you've become ready because time has truly arrived.
Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.
You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today? What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "WHAT IF?" you'll have in your life.
If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.
Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.
