Outside the world was white and frosty with the North wind blowing great gusts of snow this way and that depending on its mood. But in a small bungalow way out in the middle of nowhere recently wed Ted and Alice were enjoying their first Christmas morning together opening their presents...
Ted opened his last gift to discover a box full of multi-colored golf balls staring back at him. He lent over and kissed his new wife who was sat on the sofa beside him as the logs on the fire snapped and crackled as they warmed the sitting-room. "Thank you, darling," he smiled as he hugged her to him. They were both still in their dressing gowns and Ted glanced down at the enticing peek of her full bosomy charms, "Just what I've always wanted."
Alice patted his knee and sat back positively beaming with festive spirit. "I thought you'd like them, sweetie," she smiled, "No more losing them in that silly grass. You can spot those pink one's a mile away!"
Ted merely smiled. A four iron into the nearest water hazard should do the trick. All around them lay the remnants of wrapping paper, tinsel, ribbons, and bows of various colors that had been cast aside as presents were unwrapped. Their first Christmas morning together had been one to remember.
All the presents had been opened - apart from one. Ted jumped to his feet, "Hold on, I'll be right back," he told her as he ran to the kitchen to return holding something behind his back, "Surprise!" he laughed as he handed her his extra special Christmas gift.
Alice gave him her best "Oh, you shouldn't have!" look as she bounced up and down on the spot with excitement, "Oooo honey, what is it?" she giggled with girlish enthusiasm before ripping off the brightly colored wrapping paper on her oddly shaped surprise.
There was a stunned moment of silence as they both looked at the gift.
Ted grinned and raised his eyebrows.
Alice stared and her mouth dropped open in complete surprise. "OH TED!!!" she gasped when she saw what it was. She was so taken aback she could hardly speak as they both stood there.
"Like it?" asked Ted, wriggling his toes in his new Tartan slippers as he rocked back and forth with his hands behind his back.
Alice turned to her husband wide-eyed with wonder. "Oh, my God," she blurted out as she blushed from head to toe, "It's a paddle!!"
Indeed it was. He'd always thought she'd love something like this. All it had taken was a little effort and a lot of secrecy. Alice was still standing there staring at it in awe, "Now, if you'll just.."
Before he could finish, his young wife had thrown herself into his arms and planted the biggest, sloppiest, most loving kiss on his lips that she had ever given him and thrust the paddle into his hands.
