The Watkins family was discussing their last from the womb, Daniel.
Ewan, head of the family, asked, "Has my boy ever had a girl friend?"
"Yes dear," said Nancy his wife. "He's had many and retains some. But don't you mean lover?"
"What's the difference?"
Youngest daughter Meg, married with a toddler said, "One you have sex with, the other may just be a platonic friend or perhaps they do have sex."
Ewan growled, "Make up your mind."
"It's a matter of semantics dad." mother of twins and elder daughter Susan said. "Some words are open to interpretation because they possess more than one meaning."
"Semantics... platonic? What's up with these fancy words?" Ewan complained. "We are talking about my son who's never had a platonic in his life and apparently has not experienced sex."
"Perhaps he has," Nancy offered. "But if he hasn't, does it really matter? He's only twenty-two."
"Goodness, but the time I was twenty-two I must have had sex more than thirty times," Meg smiled.
"About eighty for me," Susan sniggered. "What about you mom?"
"When I married your mother when we were twenty-six she was a virgin," Ewan said grandly.
Nancy and her daughters looked at him in disbelief but Ewan blew any thoughts about enlightenment by saying, "I'm worried Daniel might by gay."
"Gay?" Nancy said, her face contorted in horror.
Nancy said "How cute" while Susan shrieked, "That would bring disgrace upon this family. We have a reputation as being a heterosexually promiscuous family."
"Is that good?"
"Yes dad," Meg reassured him. "It means we like to fuck."
"Damn right," Ewan said, his wife looking at him nervously, biting her bottom lip.
Ewan scratched his balls and said, "Well let's give this challenge some thought. You girls ought to be getting home to your families. We'll meet at 4:30 tomorrow to discuss how we can ensure Daniel gets laid. You could be our best bet Susan. Most of your friends are sluts."
"Oh thank you dad," Susan scowled.
Ewan wiped the smile off Meg's face when he said, "Perhaps you could start him off with a blowjob Meg to get his motor running."
* * *
Young assistant librarian Rachel Somers concluded her poetry class. Daniel was the only one of the class of eleven to stay behind and help to return the chairs to behind tables.
"You have a great feeling for poetry Daniel, probably exceeding mine. You are so sensitive you pick up meanings expressed in nuances in the flow that none of my other students decipher."
"Thank you Rachel. I like your hair up like that with the plaited loops."
"Why thank you Daniel. I welcome a quiet intimate comment from you like that."
"It's okay, you're welcome. Well home to dinner and then out somewhere with your boyfriend?"
"I-I don't have a boyfriend Daniel."
"Oh you're gay?"
"Certainly not Daniel and I thank you to keep your personal comments to yourself."
"Stop it Rachel. Don't be so thin-skinned. It makes you appear prudish and that I'm sure you're not. Just a little shy I would think."
"I did go to college."
"Of course you did and earned a fine degree. But that in itself doesn't mean you are worldly. And there's nothing wrong with being shy... it's a little like walking with a stone in your shoe; it makes you tentative. You could loosen up a bit and that might slant you towards becoming more worldly and therefore less shy."
"You mean have sex with you don't you?"
"No."
"Then what do you mean?"
"You are intelligent enough to understand this conundrum Rachel: for you to be more worldly you need to become more worldly."
"I see."
"Yes I believe you do."
"Come, lock up and I'll walk you to your car. I'm parked nearby."
"Um, would you like to come for family lunch this Sunday?"
"Careful Rachel, you're pushing boundaries."
She turned scarlet and Daniel took her hand and said sorry, it had been unfair of him to tease her. "I'm very pleased that you are responding to my advice."
"Then will you come?"
"Er..."
"Daniel!"
"Oh yes, sure. The family won't er..."
"Come on to you?"
"Er yeah."
"I wouldn't think so. They will be intent on trying to determine how great a threat you are to me."
"Oh. Until Sunday then?"
Rachel smiled and gave him the time and address.
* * *
The Watkins family debate about sorting Daniel out continued.
Ewan wiped his nose with the back of his hand and asked Susan for her suggestions.
"Why me first, why not mom?"
""Because after Daniel you are the best-educated of this family."
"A diploma is nowhere at the level of Daniel's degree."
"Stop stalling. I said next best educated, not equally well educated."
"You've got her dad. Either that or she's stalling."
Susan glared at her sister and said, "I know Rose Grove and approached her. She is such a slut and rumor is she charges some of the guys for it."
Ewan focused on Susan with interest and said, "How much?"
"You're married dad. Rose does have a few standards. She said if I invited her around and everyone leaves her in the house alone with Daniel she'll fuck him dry."
"Oh no, no she can't do that to Daniel, not in his first sexual encounter," cried his mom. "It will put him off sex for life. That bitch will half kill him and possibly crippled him emotionally"
"Gawd Susan. Find out how much to make an exception with a married guy not far over forty."
"Quite a bit over forty but no dad. It wouldn't be fair on mom."
Nancy smiled at Susan and thanked her for her compassion.
"You can't say not to Rose unless you substitute someone else Nancy otherwise this is not going to work."
"Very well, my friend Mrs Tracy. She does it for money to supplement her alimony."
"How much?"
"Seventy bucks for two hours Ewan."
"Hell I'm not paying that money when I can get all I want free."
"We are discussing Daniel Ewan, not you. Give me seventy bucks and I'll arrange it."
"Aw come on Nancy, couldn't you attend to the boy without charge?"
The three women snarled at Ewan until he apologized and handed Nancy seventy bucks
As the girls were leaving, Nancy was propositioned. "Give the seventy bucks to me mom and I'll give him two hours he'll never forget."
"No Meg, that's disgusting."
The daughters visited again on Friday evening and when everyone had a drink Daniel was told about the plan.
"You are to go to Thelma Tracy's home at noon Sunday. She'll be home from church by then."
"This is crazy, insulting, interfering and totally unnecessary," shouted Daniel, turning very red-faced.
"Oh, so you've had your end up some poor unfortunate female?"
"Shut your foul mouth Susan or I'll fill it with your broken teeth."
"Dad!"
"Yes, that is threatening behavior Daniel that is not tolerated in this house."
"Sorry Susan."
"Apology accepted."
"Right answer Susan's question or I'll pull your head off your scrawny neck," said Daniel's father.
"I can confirm I've not had sexual relations with females beyond fingering."
"It thought so," sneered Susan.
"I can't understand this attempted interference by you guys," Daniel. "You are attempting to control my behavior. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. It's not that I require an inoculation of sex to protect my future well being. You guys are a bunch of sexual misfits and I feel grieved that you have embarked on something this treacherous. "Mom this is something I might have expected from dad and Susan but not you and not you Meg."
Meg and Nancy began crying and hugging one another.
"You are a disgrace to this highly sexually motivated family," said Ewan. "You are a fucking creep, a gay cock-sucker."
Bang.
Daniel hit his father, catching his father on the jaw and sending him crashing to the floor, out cold.
The women screamed and Susan shouted obscenities at Daniel. Nancy slapped her and yelled for her to shut up and help her pick her father up.
"Fetch a cold compress Meg."
"Ohmigod, Daniel's killed our father," Meg said.
"And with two interfering bitches of sisters yet to be walloped," Daniel snarled.
"Stop frightening them Daniel," urged his mom. "We have been so stupid."
Two minutes later all was well. Ewan regained conscious and said, "Christ son, you really can hit. I really asked for that. There's nothing unmanly about you."
Daniel asked, "Are you okay dad?"
"I'm left with a headache but don't believe anything is broken apart from the chair. God, I didn't see that fist coming. I deserve to be humiliated in front of my own family like this son after I was instrumental in humiliating you."
"Well no hard feelings dad. You slip around to Mrs Grove's home on Sunday and apologize for my non-appearance. You never know, you might get lucky."
"Thank you son. There will be no more family pressure on you to loose your virginity. I promise you that."
"Thanks dad."
"I give you that assurance as well," said his mother. I am ashamed of my behavior. Of all people I should have been the one to support you. I cringe in shame.
"Me too Daniel," said Meg. "A thousand apologies.