i got off the bus in Providence and scanned the old buildings and the dismal streets, not feeling especially free. It was dark and i didn't have more than $20 in loose change in a baggy in my pocket. i was wearing jeans and a tee shirt and a denim jacket. i found a park bench to sit on and held my backpack in my lap. my options were few.
i was hungry.
"Hey."
i looked up and saw a man, older, fat, wearing glasses. He was wearing a gray suit and glasses. i gave him the best attitude i could muster at age 18. i could smell his need on him.
"Hey, yourself."
"Are you..." he asked, uncertain. "Working?"
i gave him a doubtful look. i understood the question. He wanted to pay me to have sex with him. i had turned a few tricks in Springfield, where i grew up, the first couple of times i ran away. But i was far from home now, and i didn't know if the rules were somehow different here in Providence.
"Maybe," i said, smiling it him, hugging my backpack tighter, leaning forward. "Depends on what you're looking for and how much you're willing to pay, Sir."
i hated the fact that the word "sir" escaped from me. But i was too well trained. He was a man, and i couldn't help but see him as deserving of my respect. my father had drilled this into me since i was old enough to understand, and there's no escaping such deep psychological conditioning.
The man didn't seem to read anything into the word, though. He said, almost shyly, "Oral? Twenty bucks?"
i nodded. Then i looked around. There weren't a lot of places to suck a guy off in the park without being seen.
"I have an office," said the man, "just behind the Biltmore."
i was new to Providence but i knew the Biltmore. It had a neon sign that was hard to miss and it was right on the edge of the park I was sitting in.
"Okay. Let's go," i said, standing up.
He was a foot taller than my 5'1, and took long steps. i double stepped to keep up. "i'm Katey," i said, trailing him through the dark.
"Michael," he said. "You're very pretty."
i nodded. "Thank you, Sir," i said, the second time in two minutes. i decided not to fight it. The words felt natural.
Like i said, i wasn't feeling especially free.
We reached his office building in silence. He nervously struggled with his keys and got inside the lobby, illuminated by a bare bulb. The office building was run down, but not dirty. We took an elevator to the third floored after more fumbling with the keys, we were alone in his wood-paneled office. The place smelled like Michael, only more so. My heart was racing, but i could tell Michael was just as nervous.
"Do you want anything to drink?" Michael asked and i accepted a glass of tap water from the bathroom sink. Michael sat in his office swivel chair and motioned me to sit in one of the two chairs on the other side of his desk. He reached into his pocket, took out his wallet and selected a twenty dollar bill. He handed it to me across the desk.
i took the money and smiled. i stood, removed my jacket and draped it over the back of the chair. i walked around the desk and stood in front of Michael in the dim light. He looked up at me with wide eyes, his breathing heavy. He simply stared at me.
"You are really beautiful," he said again.