After lights out on the first night of my last year at Pipestone Lake Bible Camp, I stared up at the bunk mattress above me, listening to the crickets outside and the whispered giggles of my girlfriends in the cabin. I felt a little silly still going to my childhood bible camp at the age of 18, but at the same time it was so hard to let go. I didn't feel ready to be out in the world, yet, and college was only a few weeks away. Pam, the camp counselor reminded us again that there was no talking after lights out, and the giggling eventually died out. This year was our wistful goodbye to the camp of our childhood and our excitement, fueled by years of fun memories and many joyful summers, made it difficult to sleep. We were good girls at heart, though, and did our best to comply. The snickers were gradually replaced by heavy sleepy breathing and the occasional soft snore. My mind drifted on the night, almost asleep, when a slight squeak and a click quickly brought me back. Counselor Pam had left our cabin through the back door. Curious, and no longer sleepy, I followed her out of the cabin, through the woods, to the chapel where we attended church services twice every day.
From the light outside the pole-barn style chapel, I saw that Dan, one of the boys' counselors, was waiting for her there. I wondered if they were planning some kind of camp event together, but then my face warmed because it soon became obvious that they were flirting with each other. As they talked, Dan leaned down and kissed Pam's upturned lips. His arms went around her and their kissing turned into wet kissing. I could see their tongues touching and going into each other's mouths. Dan's hand moved up to Pam's breast and squeezed it and I squirmed and looked away, uncomfortable. This was something I shouldn't allow myself to see. It might lead me into temptation, or make me think that things that were wrong were somehow acceptable. I couldn't let my eyes lead me into sin. I decided to leave, but what I saw next shocked me into stillness: Pam suddenly went to her knees and unzipped Dan's shorts. Kissing was one thing, and at bible camp, even that one thing wasn't good, but this was something else entirely. Dan's penis popped out of his shorts and hit her on the cheek, making me gasp and flinch. I couldn't believe she actually let it touch her face like that, and she didn't even wipe her cheek. She just smiled up at him and took it in both her hands, rubbing it up and down.
Dan bent his knees a little, pushing his hips forward and leaning against the chapel wall, and staring at Pam's face like he couldn't believe she was real. His penis got even bigger as she rubbed it again and again. Dan's hips were swaying along with her motions, moving like he was a puppet on a string. He put his fingers into her hair and then I gasped, because then he took his penis and rubbed it around her wet lips and pushed the thick tip inside her mouth. Pam opened her mouth wide and sucked on it, moving it in even deeper. Dan's eyes closed and he leaned his head back, resting it on the wall, a low groan coming out of his mouth.
I stayed crouched in the woods nearby watching, terrified I'd be caught out of bed, but also shocked, embarrassed, and to my horror, aroused. Though we were eighteen, the campers weren't even allowed to be alone anywhere together, much less kiss, and here our pious camp counselors were doing... this. This was exactly what they told us we should never do, touching each other and doing sexual things outside of a holy marriage. They said it was especially shameful for the girls because it would cheapen us, ruining our hearts for the one man God had chosen for us to marry. That was what they said, but I knew Pam and Dan weren't married. They weren't even that much older than I was, and yet there they were.
Pam leaned up and held onto Dan's hips, and the wet noises he made going in and out of her mouth got faster. Dan put his other hand in her hair, too, and began pumping his hips against her face. Pam sounded like she was almost choking as he did it, a "gluk, gluk, gluk, gluk, gluk" noise coming out of her, adding to the slurping sounds filling the night. Dan's breath quickened, turning into breathy grunts increasing in pitch, until he hissed and he made a sound like a dying bird through his clenched teeth. His hips were shaking and twitching and then my breath stopped, seeing that he had pulled Pam's face all the way to his hips in his clenched hands.
Startled out of my trance, I turned to run back to the cabin, but smacked into someone who had also been watching them, standing just behind me. I almost screamed in surprise, but he put his hand over my mouth, his other arm steadying me so that I didn't fall. I recognized him as one of the boys from the camp. He stood barefoot in his pajamas like me, tall and skinny, his dark hair longer than the country boys wore theirs, styled in a way that looked almost like Elvis. I didn't know his name. I guessed he had trouble sleeping, too. He put a finger to his lips, and his eyes were kind, pleading for my silence. I swallowed and nodded, and he dropped his hand from my mouth. We stood breathless, staring at each other in awkward silence, strangers bound in a pact of secrecy. Wordlessly, we parted, racing back to our cabins before our counselors could get back and lock us out upon returning from their chapel meeting.
The next morning, Pam woke us for breakfast and morning chapel. Twelve girls crowded into the bathroom, negotiating the use of 2 power outlets between us, as we did our hair and makeup. I snuck looks at Pam while using my corner of the mirror. She looked bright-eyed and happy, as usual.
As I waited for breakfast with my girlfriends, holding my tray, I noticed the tall boy from last night joining the line with a friend. Everything about him seemed elongated and gangly, like an adolescent giraffe. He smiled and laughed easily with his friend, who then nudged him and nodded toward me, obviously drawing his attention to the girl who was staring at him. I immediately blushed and looked at the floor, returning my attention to the line.
I and most of the girls from my cabin sat down at a table together, some of the boys mixing in, taking advantage of the precious few moments we were allowed to mix with the other sex. The tall boy and his friend sat down at the empty space on the other side of the table from me. I looked down at my tray, certain I wouldn't be able to swallow a bite. "Oh my gosh, Melanie! You're absolutely covered with mosquito bites! You must taste good!" Lisa said, laughing shrilly as she pulled my arm out over the table, drawing everyone's attention to the red spots all over my arms, neck and face.
"Oh, that's nothing," announced the tall boy's friend, "My boy Kurt, here's, got it even worse," he said, pulling Kurt's arm out and comparing his bites with mine. Our arms brushed and I glanced up at him, surprised to see that he was blushing, too. Neither of us had noticed the mosquitoes eating us alive last night. "Kurt's a city boy, though. Nice thin skin for our country skeeters. I'm Paul Peterson, this is my cousin Kurt Wyman. Where are you lovely ladies from?" he asked, prompting my girlfriends to giggle, flirt and talk about our rural Minnesota town, as Kurt and I pulled our arms back, furtively looking at each other.
After breakfast, we all walked to chapel together, Kurt slowing his long legs to keep pace near me, and Paul talking up all the girls about which extracurricular activities we would be choosing. "What are you signing up for, Melanie?" Kurt asked quietly, holding open the door to the chapel for the group.
"Um... music and archery probably. I mostly just wait for the swimming," I said with a smile, forcing myself to look up at his face for more than two seconds.
"Me too," he said, our arms brushing again as we entered the chapel.
Paul shepherded Kurt and I into the same pew, as he kept chatting up the others. I could feel my girlfriends' curious and scandalized looks when Kurt and I sat down together, hating how self-conscious it made me feel. We sat next to each other through the service, the Pastor teaching us about our responsibilities to seek righteousness and avoid even the appearance of sin. Those who truly loved God, would surely delight in pleasing Him, and not in the things of this world. We were saved by God's grace and forgiveness, but apparently, we weren't supposed to need those things after being saved, I thought. I felt Kurt's hand brush mine, and my eyes flicked up to his, wondering if he was trying to hold my hand, but he wasn't. He was watching the Pastor, as straight faced as a monk. Embarrassed at my thoughts, I turned my attention back to the sermon, but then Kurt's hand actually took mine and, holding it low, pointed my finger at something. I looked in the direction it pointed and saw Dan staring at Pam who was moving a sucker around her wet lips absentmindedly, then sucking it into her mouth. I gasped silently and then I felt Kurt's body jiggling next to me, laughing at my surprise. Our hands stayed close, touching but not holding, for the rest of the chapel service.
After chapel, Pam led our cabin in a morning devotional lesson on what we could do to remain pure in a sinful world. It was the standard list of things that good girls didn't do, but some of the finer points got a bit contentious. Could good girls wear makeup? At what age did good girls go on dates? Was it sinful if our nipple bumps showed through our shirts, or did we have to use padded cups on bras to be pure? One girl said that her mother even put bandaids over her nipples when they went to church, just to be sure there were no accidents, so invisible nipples were apparently very important to purity. Panty lines were also a problem because they might tempt the boys to think too much about impure things, so it was important to wear modest underwear that covered the entire bottom. "What are you thinking about, Melanie?" Pam asked, looking at me and smiling with the lips that were wrapped around Dan's penis last night.
