She looked around her apartment one last time. Her suitcase packed, she walked out the door, determined to make a change. She knew that her fear of men, and especially their little members, had held her back from the promotions she deserved.
She was smarter and more competent, than her peers. She let that thought linger for a moment. Her "Peers". Ha! That's a laugh, she thought. She had no peers when it came to common sense. They just don't see the big picture.
"Not my problem anymore", she said to no one.
Jane had made the decision to leave Toronto and move to the west coast. Vancouver Island was her final destination. She took the taxi to Union Station and waited for the announcement of her trains departure.
22:00 hours, or 10pm if you were an American, when the train left. Arriving four days later, is what it showed on her confirmation. She originally planned on traveling economy, but was talked into taking a cabin for 1. It was triple the cost, but it did include her meals and she would be much more comfortable said the woman on the phone.
Prestige class was far too expensive. Even sleeper plus, but she knew she'd be a wreck after four nights on a train, so she splurged a little. There were multiple stops along the way, Sioux Lookout, Winnipeg, Saskatoon and Edmonton amongst others. Never there long enough to disembark and sightsee, so she stayed on the train.
Along the way she met many people, speaking with women and shying away from the men as best as possible. Her Catholic upbringing and her mother constantly telling her that sex was sinful made her skittish to say least.
The neighborhood boys were always after her attentions. Anytime she would show interest, her mother would chase them away and scold Jane telling her she'll go to hell if she touches one of those boys penises.
She once witnessed an older neighborhood boy having sex with some girl. The girl was moaning loudly and her face looked like she was in pain. Jane had never forgotten that look and the look on the boys face as he pulled his cock out shooting cum in the air and on the girls ass. Her mind wandered as the looked out her window watching the scenery pass by.
Jane knew she if she wanted to advance her career she needed to work on her Phobias. She suffered from Androphobia, a fear of men, and Phallophobia, the fear of the male penis, especially if erect. But she struggled all the same. She would avoid eye contact as much as possible and when it wasn't possible, she would give cursory nods, or often look away when replying.
In the evenings she would stay in her cabin and read or just try to sleep. The constant clacking of steel wheels along steel tracks became hypnotic. It's rhythmic sound became comforting and almost to the point of non existence to the ear. The third evening, after a stop in Edmonton, a group of men boarded the train, each one having a cabin near hers.
This made Jane very uncomfortable, especially as the men were young and aggressive. When she looked at them from a distance, she would notice their muscular arms and broad shoulders, tapering to a slim waist. Their buttocks strong with thick thighs and muscular calves. Not being a sports fan, she wouldn't know they were hockey players, just that they made her uneasy anytime one would try to talk to her.
"Aw, C'mon babe. I won't bite. Much!"
They would all make attempts to solicit some time with her, but she would just turn away. Practically running back to her cabin. She slammed her door shut and locked it. Leaning against the thin amount of wood, plastic and cloth that would separate her from the outside world of lustful men.
"Ice babe" would be her nickname for the remainder of her trip, but that didn't stop any of them from trying further.
The train arrived at Vancouver's Pacific Central Station at 0900, or 9am. She took a taxi to her new apartment building located downtown. It was expensive, but she was well compensated and frankly needed a new start.
She had a boyfriend of sorts back in Toronto. She tried really hard to be affectionate with him, but she struggled with intimacy. She liked the way he kissed, she liked how she felt when he kissed her, but he was always in a rush to get naked. Always wanting her to touch him, suck him. She just couldn't. Naturally they broke up and rumors began around the office that she was frigid, or a tease.
She had made up her mind when the Vancouver position opened, she was going to change all that. If she can only get over her phobias. The taxi driver took the long route to her apartment, anything to keep the attractive woman in his cab for as long as possible, but more to build up the cab fare.
While in the cab, a radio station was interviewing a therapist who specialized in phobias. She had been describing some of the more mundane phobias, such as arachnophobia, the fear of spiders and claustrophobia, the fear of enclosed or tight places, like elevators. She went on to discuss some more obscure phobias, such as phallophobia, the fear penises.
Just then the cabbie stopped announcing their arrival. Jane climbed out of the cab, but before paying she asked the cabbie which radio station he was listening too.
"That's News Talk Radio 980. CKNW", he replied.
Jane threw money at him and immediately went to her apartment. She had no furnishings, just the key that was sent to her a week before. She dropped her bags and google searched the radio station. She dialed the number to the studio and asked if the show was taking calls.
"Yes. Do you have a phobia you'd like to discuss?", asked the man on the other end of the line.
Jane didn't know how to respond. She froze, unable to speak.
"Hello? Are you there?"
"Yes. Yes I'm here"
"Did you want to speak with Dr. Sarah?"
"Um. No. Yes! Oh, I think so, yes"
"What's your name?"
"Jane"
"Ok Jane. Hang tight for just a moment. I'll get you on the air."
Oh God! she thought.
"What am I doing?", asking herself outloud.
Jane was just about to hang up when she heard another voice. This time deeper, more commanding, yet friendly.
"Hello, Jane? Welcome to News Talk Radio, 980. You have a question for our guest about a fear of yours?"
Jane froze again. Almost unable to speak. She finally forced the words out.
"I can't have sex with a man!" she blurted it so fast, she surprised herself.
"Oh. Well, why do you think that is Jane?"
"I'm, I'm ... I'm afraid of their thing."
"Their penis?" asked Dr. Sarah
"Yes. I want to. I like men. I like they way they look. I like the way they smell. But whenever any talk to me, I cower. And if I see them naked, I get so nervous"
"Are you a virgin Jane?"
"No. I've been with a man, but I had to close my eyes and not touch it"
"So you feel threatened by it?"
Jane didn't reply.
"Hello? Jane?"
"I'm here. I just don't know how to answer"
"Jane, I'm going to talk to you off the air. Is that okay?"
"Yes"
Jane and Dr. Sarah spoke at length as the show ended. She made an appointment to see the Dr. to discuss her fears in greater detail and Dr. Sarah assured her things were going to be okay.
Jane hung up the phone, wondering if she made a good choice.
A week went by with Jane settling into her new position. She felt good about how she handled herself, even if she couldn't look men in the eyes. She used her glasses as a cover, always pushing them on her face to hide the fact she was afraid to speak to them. She couldn't tell if she was getting better or worse. It was time to visit Dr. Sarah. She took the next day off saying she was going house hunting.
She decided to walk from her small apartment to the address she was given, There was a fine mist in the air. She had her umbrella in hand and overcoat to keep her warm and dry. She looked at the small building. A sign hung in the front, "Lets Talk" it said, and underneath, it continued, "With Dr. Sarah"
Jane, was nervous, she looked around to see who might be watching. She took a deep breath and put her hand on the door handle. She stood for a moment, her arms week, unable to move. Her hand trembled and her legs felt weak. Had it not been for the sound of a car horn, she might never had moved. Startled by the sound, she took her hand off the handle and walked away.
Dr. Sarah had watched the woman approach from a window on the second floor. Tall, pretty, but lacking confidence. She wondered if this was Jane. When she saw her pause at the door but not enter, she immediately went downstairs to try to catch her, but Jane was already gone.
Dr. Sarah continued to look up and down the street hoping she would come back. She felt she could help her, she wanted to help her and it sounded like Jane wanted to be helped when they spoke on the phone, but until Jane was truly ready, there was little Dr. Sarah could do for her. She returned to her office on the second floor leaving a note for the receptionist to watch for the woman and let her know immediately if she shows up.
A few days had passed and Jane acclimated herself to her new position within the company. She liked the atmosphere, especially her department and she focused her energy into her work. She made the best of her situation with her male cohorts and even found herself attracted to one of them, but she kept to herself more often than not.
One day she was approached by the attractive co-worker who asked if she wanted to go have drinks after work. She declined saying she already had plans. She wasn't sure why she lied and knew if she was ever going to get over her phallic phobia, she needed to visit Dr. Sarah. Jane's job allowed her to work at the office or at home and she took advantage of it the following day.
She returned to Dr. Sarah's office and this time opened the door. Gingerly, she stepped in and closed the door behind her. The receptionist wasn't at her desk at the moment, but Dr. Sarah just happened to be walking between offices and saw Jane in the waiting area.
"Hello. I'm Dr. Sarah. Can I help you?"
"Hi. I'm, uh, I'm the girl who spoke to you on the phone during your radio program last week"
It didn't occur to Jane there could've been more than one girl until that moment, but Dr. Sarah knew who she was regardless.
"Are you Jane?", she asked.
"Yes."
"I'm sorry, I tried to come before, but I couldn't" . Jane paused, then added,
"I couldn't make it until now"
Dr. Sarah new better, but felt it best to let it go for now.
