"What is the difference between 'I want food' and 'I want sex'? Consent."
(Hugh Prather)
Staying a virgin through high school was a serious challenge. Everyone knew that there were girls who *did* and girls who *didn't*. The most important status-enhancing activity for the male population of the high school was to move girls from the second category into the first.
I didn't really date very much, but the guys I dated worked very hard at trying to convince me that I wanted to have sex with them. This was accomplished through both verbal and physical tactics. The verbal consisted of discussions and occasionally begging and pleading. The physical consisted of attempts to get me "swept away" by the passion of the moment. I never gave in during any of these encounters, even though I did want to a few times. Of course I knew that I wouldn't stay a virgin forever, but I was choosing my moment very, very carefully.
NOVEMBER
I started dating "the one" when we were both in our first year of college. We were enrolled in an introductory biology course that was held in a huge lecture hall. A mutual acquaintance introduced us one day before class. As a result, we ended up sitting beside one another for the lecture that day, and on several consecutive days after.
Mark and I eventually began talking to each other before class about various things. Mark was 6'2" tall and fashionably thin. His eyes were steel grey, and surrounded by very long, very dark eyelashes. Mark also had a great smile. I found him extremely attractive.
Maybe it was fate that the topic of discussion in Biology the week after we met was human reproduction. Mark and I were sitting beside one another again. I was rather uncomfortable as the professor attempted to prove that he was "cool enough" to discuss sex in front of 800 students. As his lecture got more and more explicit, I found myself blushing when Mark would glance at me. I'm sure he realized that I liked him.
The final day of this topic, the instructor showed a video that graphically depicted childbirth. As we all sat rather amazed by the brazen video, Mark whispered to me, "Now that is really incredible to see."
I turned to him in surprise. "You've seen a delivery live?"
"Actually, I've delivered a baby personally."
"What?!?"
"Well, I'm an EMT. I used to work for Metro ambulance service. On occasion, ambulances transport women in labor who don't make it to the hospital in time. I actually delivered a baby once while we were in route to the hospital. It was incredible."
"Wow." I was extremely impressed. "It sounds really amazing."
"Yea, it was pretty awe-inspiring." He smiled as the bell rang and we all left the class. "See you tomorrow!"
The next day was Friday. Before class, Mark approached me and asked if I wanted to rent a movie with him that evening. Apparently my bit of flirting during lecture was paying off. I agreed that it sounded like fun, and gave him directions to my parents' house. I also offered to get the movie, so we discussed movie choice for a few minutes.
We continued our discussion of movies during the lecture, childishly passing notes back and forth. I really couldn't concentrate on the class at all. Mark was sitting right next to me as usual, and his arm would occasionally brush mine. His long legs were always a problem for him, and he rearranged them often. Periodically, one of them would brush one of my primly crossed legs.
We finally agreed on a few movies I should look for, and a time for him to arrive. Biology was my last class of the day, so I rushed straight to the video store after class. I picked three different movies, wanting to be sure I would get one he wanted to see. After going home, I just picked at my dinner, too excited about the upcoming date to really eat.
Mark was incredibly polite when he met my parents. Afterwards, they discreetly disappeared into the back of the house so that he and I could watch our films in the living room with a little privacy. We made the usual first date small talk.
Halfway through the first movie, his hand started moving towards mine. I had already positioned myself so that he could easily put his arm around me, hold my hand, or even kiss me. I was definitely sending him signals of encouragement. His fingers inched closer and closer to mine. Eventually, he reached my hand and began softly rubbing his fingertips across the back of my hand. The light, teasing sensation distracted me from the film, and I missed most of the rest of the movie while I concentrated on the sensuous contact.
We had a short intermission between the first and second movie. During this time, I told him very bluntly that I really enjoyed spending time with him and was having a great time. This earned me a slow, romantic kiss. "I like you too, Renae. This has been a great evening."
As we continued to make out on the couch, his hands began roaming my upper body. His right hand traveled upward underneath the front of my shirt without touching me at all. He then placed his fingertip at the base of my throat, and dragged it directly down the front of my body, between my breasts, and without even touching them. This immediately gave me chills, and I shuddered visibly.
"Oh, did you like?" he asked, noticing my reaction.
"Um, yes, actually. That was really erotic. But not too forward." Mark remembered my reaction to that gesture, and repeated it many times throughout our relationship. It never failed to shock me with it's nearly innocent yet very sexy quality.
Our conversations that evening eventually got personal. I told him that I was a virgin and planned to stay one. I was very explicit about it. He then told me that he definitely wasn't looking for a "sexual" relationship. He explained that he'd had lots of sex with his last girlfriend, and didn't really think sex was *necessary* for a relationship. I'd never been around a man with this attitude, so I was both surprised and even more attracted to him. A man who wasn't going to pressure me about sex? Heaven sent! Or, maybe too good to be true?
DECEMBER THROUGH FEBRUARY
We began dating regularly. We spent all of our free time together, especially on weekends and at school between classes during the week. Neither of us was dating anyone else, and we eventually became recognized as a "couple".
One day when we were both going to class but heading in opposite directions, our paths crossed. Mark grabbed me around the waist, picked me up, and twirled me around in a circle as he kissed me passionately. It was light and joyful, and I realized at that moment that I probably loved him.
We were invited to a party in December. At the party, a Scorpions album was playing loudly. Although I was not aware of it at the time, the music of the Scorpions was going to become an important part of my life in the next year.
Mark and I were sitting on a chair, with me literally on his lap. His arms were wrapped around me possessively, and he would occasionally place a soft kiss on my cheek or forehead. We eventually danced to a slower tune, and I remember feeling his firm erection as he held me close to him.
That night, when he took me home, we began kissing while sitting on the couch. Eventually, I noticed that we were laying down on the couch instead of sitting on it. I boldly parted my legs so that he could grind his erection suggestively against my hips. This dry fucking motion resulted in him actually having an orgasm. He was incredibly embarrassed, and left immediately afterwards.
At Christmas, my mother took a photo of us laughing and kissing in front of the fireplace. By then I had admitted the depth of my feelings to Mark, and he had told me he loved me in return.
By January, Mark's promise to keep things sexually cool and unpressured had been broken. I was standing my ground, but allowing him to gain by slow inches.
One afternoon, Mark was referring to the typical thorough examination that an EMT gives to a patient, and told me that there was "no way" I could handle having it done to me. "You just couldn't take it. It involves touching *every* part of the person's body."
This was clearly a challenge. "Of course I could handle it!"
"Really, you would be uncomfortable. Just forget I mentioned it."
"How bad could it be? I think you should try it on me and see if I can take it."
"Well, OK, but you've got to lie down." I laid down on the bed, and tried to concentrate on not flinching when he started touching me everywhere. Mark was telling the truth when he described the exam as involving the entire body. His hands traveled quickly across my body, but paused briefly as they crossed my breasts and touched the juncture between my legs. "This is where your femoral pulse is," he explained, pressing his fingers to my upper inner thigh.
Although I did survive the exam without asking him to stop, there were several moments when he was touching me in places that I normally did not allow him to touch me. It was both scary and exciting for me.
"OK, you did it. I'm impressed." He leaned over me and began kissing me. "Hey, I should give you mouth-to-mouth."
"You already are!"
"No, *really* give you mouth-to-mouth. Show you how it's done. It's a very weird sensation if you've never felt it." He was testing my trust again.
"Sounds interesting, I guess." I was a little reluctant.
"Just one breath so you can see how it feels," he coaxed.
"OK." Mark leaned his body over me and placed his left hand behind my neck. "To give artificial respiration, you have to angle the head so that the airway is as open as possible. Then, for an adult or older child, you pinch the nose so that the air doesn't escape. Finally, you make an airtight seal with the mouth. In infants, you actually cover both the nose and mouth with your mouth, and you have to give very shallow breaths to them because their lungs are so small." He then tilted my head back and began reaching his hand towards my face. I suddenly realized what a vulnerable position I was putting myself in.
I must have stiffened, because he whispered, "It's OK, just relax. Just one breath then I'll release you. But you have to relax." I stared at his eyes as he focused them on my mouth. His right hand reached out to pinch my nostrils closed, and he quickly moved his mouth in and formed an airtight seal between our lips. I jumped when he emptied his lungs partially into mine. It was a bizarre sensation.
He immediately released me and smiled. "Wild, huh?"
