I grew up in the shadow of a church college. The whole town was controlled by the church. They didn't sell alcohol in town ever, and they didn't even deliver the newspaper on Sunday. (I guess God doesn't like competition.)
The whole place was like a 50's tv show -- and I was one of the characters as a kid. Wholesome, apple cheeked. I'm embarrassed now just thinking about it. We all grow up though -- and even in our little town we learned about the birds and the bees, and teenagers would be teenagers.
It was mostly just comparably innocent stuff compared to today. We had no teen pregnancy and very few of the senior class couples -- even the long together couples -- had actually "done it." Or if they had they weren't telling.
As we readied to go off to college we felt like adults for the first time. Turning 18 had just been a number -- but moving out of the house and perhaps even across the country made it all real and different and somehow suddenly grown up.
That's what makes this whole thing stick out in my mind. How totally it seemed our world views changed during those last few weeks of high school -- and how it changed me forever.
I had been going out with the same girl for about 18 months -- a long time for an 18 year old - and we had made out just a bit on those rare occasions when we could get out without a chaperone. I hadn't really even gotten to first base. I tried but she slapped my hand away. We did enjoy each other though -- I think we were truly in love.
It was during the last few weeks of our senior year of high school when it all changed. She let me do things I had never done before.
It wasn't anything earthshaking. I had my hand on her bra for a while and then I slipped it in, thinking it would be slapped away but it wasn't. I actually got bold and put my hand on her stomach very near the top of her pants. (That did get sidelined.) But she was responsive. In fact she sat on my lap and actually rubbed herself on my knee a bit. It was mind blowingly hot -- but I didn't dare push it any farther.
I actually felt bad the next morning over what I had done -- perhaps I had taken things farther than we should have. It felt like she wanted it, but now I was worried she would be mad. When we saw each other at school, we were both embarrassed though she didn't shy away from saying hello and even giving me a little kiss on the cheek. (This was as much as we would dare at school.)
I never even let myself imagine she had really enjoyed it. Women only put up with men who were gentleman and I hadn't been.
We went on a few more dates -- always in well lit, chaperoned areas with our church. She squeezed my hand and I got a kiss good night -- but never more. It felt like that one night was all a fantasy and I all but forgot about the idea of doing more.
That all changed one glorious day. It was just big senior graduation dance. She had called me on the phone to ask me to come over. She wanted to show me her dress and make sure it was going to match my suit. (We didn't do rental tuxedos or anything and her dress was not a "prom" style like the ones most wore in other parts of the country. Such conceits were not welcome in our town.)
I walked to her house, heard the customary shout of "come on in" and entered the kitchen thinking I would step into the kind of family life that one imagines seeing in an early 1950s sit-com. It was always the same - her mom in the kitchen, her little brother at the dining table doing homework and her littler sister using her rationed 2 hours of daily television to watch some afternoon cartoons.
This time though, I met just her and her older sister Nancy - recently married and living in a nearby town. The two were chatting and laughing when I walked in, but all conversation stopped immediately, and while she went to get her new dress out of the hall closet, Nancy started gathering up some small things and pulled her car keys from her purse. She was actually headed for the door by the time my girlfriend pulled the dress out of the closet.
When Nancy shut the door behind her I was kind of afraid for a second. You didn't want to get caught alone in a girl's home by her father.
Cindy didn't seem to care though and that made me feel comfortable. Perhaps she knew something about the family schedule I didn't know.