Innocence Lost During The War

I was stationed at C.C.K. Air force Base in Tai Chung Taiwan during the Vietnam war in the early seventies and some with special times I remember it as if it were yesterday. This is one of those wonderful times in this man's life that will live forever in his mind.

I was still an Airman first class with a line number for Sergeant in charge of my very first munitions and explosives inspection team. Our bomb dump had taken a huge shipment of 750 pound bombs and my team was in charge reorganizing a large revetment area so the bombs could be safely arranged and stored. Typically, arranging and organizing was not that big of deal but, designing a plan for literally hundreds of palletized bombs created a great amount of work for only 8 crew members to handle. Regardless after many hours of playing chinese checkers with bombs we finished almost 1 & 1/2 hours ahead of schedule, allowing us time to check in and test hundreds of boxes of bomb fuses that also tagged along with the bomb shipment.

We finally finished but boy were we beat and so ready for what ever we found relaxation with. I gave them all my thanks for a job well done and passed fifty dollars to my lead man to treat them to a few beers at the airman's club. I then left for my apartment downtown, passing a bunch of good men with big grins on their faces as I sped off in my old 55 Chevy Belair.

I remember that particular trip as if it happened today. The road was almost void of traffic except for the occasional ox cart and motorcycle. The air was fresh, filled with the spectacular smells, a mixture of foliage, the occasional blending of locals cooking food and fertile land. I remember smiling as I drove towards home but I suddenly remembered that my Friend Anna (a sweet bartender that befriended me) had asked that if I come see Her mid week that She would, "Make good dinna for you Artieah," smiling as I write this while remembering also how most english words usually ended with "ah," at the end when spoken by most of the Tiawanese I had met.

About half way from CCK AFB and home I turned right into the area that we called, "The Dirty Dozen," almost a cul-de-sac design rounded road that was surrounded by twelve bars with a steam bath, massage parlor and a few outdoor, open to the elements kind of resturant's.

Oh my how I loved this particular "watering hole" area, one of my favorite places to relax instead of going to downtown Tai Chung where all the craziness happened when more adventurous one's than I found many ways to "Get sum snatch," as they called it, more often also getting into trouble. The Dirty Dozen was where Anna had Her bar with a pink and purple neon sign proclaiming:

NO BOOZE WATERED DOWN, CLEAN GIRLS, GOOD FOOD.

The words flashing inside of twin yellow and white rectangular neon surrounds.

Music was always more subdued in Her bar, none of the blaring megaphone out-of-doors speakers for Her. She once told me, "Artieah, me no think when loud music and boys come for My cute girls all time more here than other bar's." Her saying with a wickedly deep laugh and teasing intelligent eyes.

As I walked in, Anna greeted me with a big toothy smile, arms opened wide pulling me into Her full, quite matronly short frame, hugging me tight while taking the carton of Salem's I brought Her.

"You good boy, You bring Me nice things all time Artieah, you good boy," She said on this memoried day within my young so innocent life. Months before Anna took a shine to me, most always cooked and served fried rice and a bottle of RC Cola and usually, as Her time permitted, She would take time to sit with me and talk as I ate Her deliciously prepared meal. Somehow I helped Her to laugh a lot while She sat there watching me eat and I remember feeling quite special, especially because of the way She always greeted me, patted my back or leg or teased me with whispered words in my ear because I was still a, " Good cherry boy," while She sat there smiling.

Thankfully no one knew this except Her and I and boy oh boy would there be hell to pay if anyone else knew about my sexual innocence. She understood how the guys liked to tease virgin men and promised to never say a word but about a month ago looked deep into my eyes while quietly telling me, "I find special girl for you Artieah, then you happy no cherry boy, good for you can smile much then." Little did I know this particular day in my life would become one of the most special time with Another ... along my life's path. That special day was to be my break from innocence, a gift of sharing something so wondrously beautiful and so very special to share, mixing with an overwhelming excitement and my strange fear that I really had no idea how or what to do.

The functions, yes I once learned in health class, this I knew ... but to do it "correctly" and not make a total fool out of myself, now THAT was my greatest fear, panicked that a kind Woman who might ever allow me Her so intimate act of mercy would become ashamed of me or laugh at me for being so, well, so useless for Her pleasure .... but I'm getting ahead of myself aren't I? Now back on track.

Anna prepared a meal for me that was excellent, just the right amount of soy sauce, pepper and salt. Her blending of rice, delicate and sweet, the julianne green pepper and pork slices perfect in size and the dices onions and scrambled eggs distinct .. all perfectly stir-fried in the peanut oil She favored. She smiled with sparkling eyes looking into mine while serving my meal contained a rounded, medium size black lacquered bowl and then handed me a three pronged fork, knowing that I still hadn't learned the function of chop sticks yet. Anna went back into the kitchen while I waited and then came back with a huge pot of cooked veggies swimming in a hardy pork flavored broth and then sat down next to me.

She opened two RC bottles, setting one in front of me then gloriously burped after taking a big drink of Hers. I remember Her beautifully full blouse bouncing when She giggled while watching as I blushed deeply, trying to contain my food, swallowing while withholding my laughter. I failed miserably, choking at first then spraying the counter with not quite yet swallowed food. I had never EVER heard a Woman burp in that stage of my young life and I had nothing to say other than stupidly giggling back at Her with my suddenly shocked, red faced filled with awe. She took a towel from the counter and wiped my lips and chin then cleared the counter as She giggled even more, stood up and whispered in my ear, " Artieah, you eat now," as She patted my cheek and ruffled my red hair then walked to the kitchen.

Mmmm, I remember that the fried rice was excellent (as usual) but oh my, the soup was outstanding. I had never tasted anything like it before. I remember quietly sipping the broth, trying to figure out how She made a simple veggie soups taste so amazing and I was going to ask Her about it but became sidelined and, well I forgot to ask when She returned from the kitchen, smiling brightly, leading a young Woman by the hand to set on the stool next to me.

Such a beautiful, demure, bashful Woman this so sweet One was. Anna stood between us, first talking in Taiwanese, introducing Her to me and then placed Her hand in mine while speaking to me in Her broken english, " Artieah, Her name Lisa. Lisa good girl like you good boy. i pick Lisa for you. No more cherry boy, no more cherry girl," She said while squeezing our hands tightly with both of Hers.

"She new girl Artieah, you teach speak American, She teach you for you smile more. We go home with you now, no more cherry boy," She said, releasing our hands and then softly patted both of our backs.

I was so amazed, so very caught of guard as I looked into Anna's intense eyes. I was suddenly so very afraid, now remembering my heart beating wildly in my ears throat feeling like sandpaper. My face and body suddenly heated within a burgundy colored blush. I felt Lisa's hand slightly quiver .. or was it mine, my mind screamed somewhere in all of this overwhelming newness. I remember Anna laughing, teasing me to stand up and then almost pushed me to my car for the trip to my apartment in Tai Chung, Lisa tightly holding my hand while following.

Anna sat in the front next to me while talking with Lisa about me. As I quietly drove, I picked up a few of their words within their conversations. Lisa seemed afraid .. just like I was as I looked at Her in the rear view mirror but, oh my Her voice was sweet and Her quiet laughter caused me to anxiously shiver every time She spoke. Gripping the steering wheel tightly i drove quietly with not a sound from my lips.

I remember frantically yelling at myself in my mind, trying to slow my heartbeat, trying to get a grip on myself and to QUIT being so afraid. I DID agree for Anna to one day help me loose my virginity. I DID agree with Her that if She DID find someone for me that I would listen to Her words, give respect and cherish the One that She would one day choose for me. I WAS ashamed of my virginity but could NEVER feel right about loosing it for pay without feeling bitter. Anna WAS my Friend and She found it in Her heart to help me take a first step forward without shame so why Arthur am I so afraid? It was such a strange drive for me and the anticipation was overwhelming also.

Suddenly I then remembered that Anna would be there to help, to somehow verbally walk me though what a man does to please a Woman but, why was I NOT worried about that? I had never been naked in front of a Woman before, except my Sisters and Mother, well ... and also the Others that They brought in to help humiliate or punish me when I was younger. Somehow knowing that Anna would to be there (as a Friend, NOT as a Woman like my Mother or Sisters) helped to calm my fear. She actually seemed to like me. She seemed to care about me possibly because I cared about Her, not just as a Woman who procured another Woman to take my virginity, not as a Woman who humiliated or punished me, but as a Woman who seemed as if She really liked who I was, who smiled for me and helped me feel like I was worth something more than just a stupid little man who had no value or heart. I remember inhaling and exhaling, quivering , feeling like I was covered with pins and needles while my mind darted back and forth between fear, excitement and need.

We pulled up to the curb in front of my apartment and I helped Anna out of my car and then pushed the front seat back so I could help Lisa to exit. Her hand gripped mine as I helped Her to stand beside us. Her brown eyes captured me so intensely, holding my attention, Her eyes telling that She was not afraid of me. Lisa smiled. This was the very first time I had allowed myself to actually look at Her without quickly looking to the ground or any place other than at Her.

I must have looked much like a little puppy dog, gently inquisitive. I looked without staring with my soft hazel eyes and blushing smile, trying so hard to not think what was going to happen. All I could do was slowly bow, putting my lips to Her soft hand, kissing Her gently, whispering, "Ding how, shay shay Nee Shazhea:" Hello and thank You very much my beautiful Woman." Lisa giggled while looking into my upturned eyes and then squeezed my hand. I straightened to a standing position then closed the car door, turning to see Them smiling at each Other. We walked silently to the elevator and went up to my apartment on the third floor.

Opening the door for Them we went inside my apartment. I was so thankful that my apartment was always neat as a pin, clean, well polished and quite presentable. About a month or so ago Anna had visited me and became acquainted with the apartments layout. I walked along behind Them as She led Lisa through all of the rooms. I heard Her answer many questions, especially about the toilet and tub in the bathroom and the many functions of the kitchen stove. I felt a bit puzzled that Lisa seemed so intrigued almost as if She had never seen any of this before. Her face was filled with amazement when Anna turned on the burners and the little light in the oven. I watched as Lisa bent over to look inside, giggling as Anna turned the light on and off. This was such a wonderful time for me, watching, smiling at this sweet One who's face was so open, so filled with the honesty of complete awe in Her new surroundings.

Lisa then stood, straightening Her dress, Her hands smoothing the loose wrinkles away from Her hips and waist. She looked at me watching Her and smiled so sweetly then giggled, saying something to Anna that I didn't fully understand, something within Her words that She thought my red hair was just like the color of the brass Buddha statue that sat on a shelf above the sink in the kitchen. Anna agreed with Her while They looked at me, adding with a big toothy grin that I was not fat like the Buddha. For some stupid reason I quickly sat on the floor, crossing my legs, pushing out hard with my belly, extending out my arms bent at the elbow, hands upward and hugely smiled, tapping my chest while saying, "No Lisa, I'm not Buddha but see, I DO have His smile." This seemed to cause Them to laugh hysterically, Lisa pointing at me, Her eyes brightly shining, twinkling, Anna giggling loudly, Her hand first on Lisa's shoulder then quickly She knelt beside me, softly rubbing my distended belly saying that Lisa will bring me luck and good fortune just like the Buddha above the sink has for me. That very moment I wanted to hug Her tightly to me but I didn't. My heart felt so calm, finally warm.

My fear were fading quickly away, knowing that in Her friendship She was the greatest fortune that I had ever had. I remember blushing, feeling so alive as She kissed my cheek and then helped me to my feet. I felt such trust for Her at that very moment. I felt a humble obligation to Her for all that She was doing for me. I remember Her looking deeply into my suddenly tearing up eyes, me so wishing to thank Her somehow for being my one true Friend. I think that She truly knew so much more about me then I would ever know about myself at that particular point in my life. Her face filled with a soft smile and then suddenly it turned into a teasing sparkling eyed frown when She said, "Artieah, you stinky, you dirty, you need bath," as She began taking my clothes off right there in the kitchen.

I at first flinched, almost panicked ... wishing to run away. Memories of being stripped by my Mother or my Sisters filling my mind, so terribly afraid of how I would be punished, so wishing to cry out and roll into a ball on the floor. But Anna was not yelling at me, was not pinching and pulling me about the room, was not slapping my butt or face, was not punching me in the stomach or kicking me between the legs. I closed my eyes and bit my cheeks and tongue while standing there, hoping for the panic to disappear ... and it did as She softly spoke to Lisa about how She will enjoy taking care of me, "This good boy."

My penis grew hard, almost hurting as She helped me to step out of my fatigue pants. It slipped out the front opening as I lifted my right leg as Anna pulled my pants completely off. Lisa giggled as i opened my eyes to see a look of amazement on Her face when Anna dropped my boxers to the floor.

I blushed darkly and shivered, knowing that She could now see all of me. I waited fearful, so afraid for the harsh words and sounds that plagued my youth ... that never came. Anna talked about me with Her soft quiet words, patting my leg and hip as Lisa stood there smiling while asking about my pinkness, watching my body blush, Her hands on Her hips, the hint of twin nipples hardening under Her dress. My penis pounding against my stomach with each beat of my heart. I stood there, wishing to cover myself but strangely baffled, finally realizing that Her seeing me was nothing that was shaming Her or me. Anna took me and my dirty clothes in arm and then told Lisa to run a hot bath as She led me to my bedroom. I heard the water running and thought I heard Lisa softly humming when Anna held me by my chin, Her eyes intensely looking upward into mine while answering all my unspoken questions about Lisa.

"Lisa farm girl Artieah. I buy Her three days before. She VERY NICE girl Artieah! You make Her happy. She treat you right. She NO boom boom girl. She much young but She Woman here ,(Her hand touching Herself below Her tummy), and You take much care Her. Tonight you no more cherry boy, She no more cherry girl. You be good boy Artieah, you listen to me. You make Her happy and She love You big time, ok? She like you much. You funny boy, She laugh. No laugh on farm. No more happy on farm. Mamma dead, Dadda mean man and no love Lisa." Anna put Her hand on my chest then tapped me there while continuing.

"You good inside, I know. I watch you many times. Nevah you be mean to bar Girls. You good boy, help me many times at bar. You make Lisa love you much, ok? She want you love Her longtime. She say you pretty boy. She say thank you Anna much when talk to me. You teach Amer-i- canah words, She teach you speak Chineeah. We teach you much love, you teach much happy for Her now, ok ... cherry boy," She said as I watched Her eyes turn from intensity to a wondrously twinkling, so teasing stare. She continued, "I tell Her wash you good like She did brotha on farm. She not afraid You Artieah, you no afraid Her, ok? I wait here in room, you go wash now Artieah," She ended, turning me to the door, pushing my hips forward with both hands, then wickedly laughed as I walked to the bathroom.

I found Lisa sitting in the tub with Her eyes closed. I listened as She quietly hummed a strange tune, rinsing Her hair and then Her arms, totally unaware that i was there. Her dress was folded neatly and lay on the counter of the sink as were Her socks and white cotton panties. Such a beautiful girl, so innocently sitting with the water barely covering Her breasts. The water was steaming into the room, creating a warm mist surrounding Her. She had laid out a wash cloth, soap and shampoo on the tubs ledge within easy reach. Four bath towels draped over the half wall at the end of the tub.

My mind flashed with past terrors of the bathroom at home in Missouri. Things were not as perfect, sensual or inviting there. Bathrooms were for pain, for hard painful enemas. Bathrooms were for being spanked and told how useless i was. Bathrooms were for being watched and laughed at. Bathrooms were for frantically not dripping water, knowing I could not hold my water when I cried. Bathrooms were for being kicked and pinched and pulled and yanked and dirty panties to be put over my head. Bathrooms were for terror.

I must have sighed while shaking my head to clear the terror away because Lisa turned slowly, smiling with eyes then softly looking at me, inviting me with Her out stretched hand into the bath. The water was hot as my body slowly inched into it, feeling the water line turn my skin from a cool dryness into a wet heat. Finally I was sitting directly in front of Her, legs crossed like Her's were, me looking into Her soft dark brown eyes. Her hair fell just below Her chin in the classic Chinese school Girl cut. Oh my She had such beautiful features.

I watched as the water rippled under Her chin but was soon aware of Her hand softly touching my legs. She smiled and knelt upward, pushing me back towards the tub. She saw my widely excited eyes caressing Her pert little Breasts and then She folded both of Her arms covering them. Her eyes suddenly were downcast as She sat back deep into the hot water. I felt like such a fool, embarrassing Her and myself for being so blatant with my stare.

"Dwabache ne Shazhea. Iyeyo Lisa, ne tocsohn shazhea. Iyeoh, dwabiche Lisa:" Please forgive me beautiful Woman. Oh my Lisa, I'm so hugely stupid. Oh my, please forgive me Lisa.)