This is the real story of how I met Clara online. We seemed to share common feelings for each other. After a month of chatting and sharing plans about what we wanted in life we decided to meet.
When she, not real name, Clara, said "Yes" and that she would love to meet me, my instincts to not get excited yet. Several attempts to scam me online including money fraud and drug trafficking were a little frustrating at first but I was soon savvy as to detect and filter the false profiles from the potentially viable subscribers. Clara's profile seemed convincing enough yet I had to be cautious. Age 35, no children, 120 pounds, 5.4 and brunette hair, slender and had no problems meeting an old fashioned 39 year old virgin.
I had not been on a date in a long time and I was emotionally frustrated with the last relationship.
I had dated many other woman before but all of them I eventually discovered that they suffered from some form of extreme emotional trauma, either rape or other abuse and I was the emotional punching bag for their instability. All were in no condition to get involved in a committed relationship and after some extensive effort I found help for them and moved on.
My First Time
Clara and I met at a restaurant of her choosing and we enjoyed a wonderful meal. We talked about our own youth experiences and our growing up and our youth experiences and eventually our adult life. She presented to be a very confident and goal minded woman. "There may be a relationship to pursue here." I thought, until Clara spoke of an ex-boyfriend and how she feared of the risk of getting hurt again.
I knew that there was something eating at her the entire evening. Clara was trembling and on edge as the conversation evolved into a very personal discussion about lifestyles, sexuallity and past experiences. She explained in a trembling voice how she was raped and that she had felt like she was betraying me by not stating that she was not a virgin when we were chatting online. "I'm so sorry. Sobbed Clara started to cry and put her hands to her face.
Out of deep concern I felt like trying to assure her that I was not her judge and there is help available and that she can trust me to help her find that help.
"There is no need to be sorry. Please let me help you. I can help you." I pleaded reaching across the table and very slowly asked to take her hands. Clara reached out her fragile precious hands and placed them in mine. She trembled at first but her hands relaxed as we spoke of the entire rape incident.
"You have reached emotions that have been suppressed for years. I haven't shared this with anyone. Not even my therapist knows yet I think she figured as much. Some meeting this turned out to be for you. I'm so sorry." Clara dried her tears with a napkin.
I was not her judge and I needed to let her know that she can confide in me to not hold this tragic incident against her. Clara was relieved and we sat holding hands just talking about how she was still beautiful and that her heart should still be considered precious to any man should she choose to give her heart to.
"Let's just take this very slow and we can stop whenever you feel violated or threatened. You need stability and security, and we can build on love and trust. If there is friction we can walk or if you think you can work through it we will try. You call the shots. Agreed?"
"Agreed! I think you would be a fine therapist by the way." Clara declared.
Clara stood up slowly and asked if I would like to get some fresh air. I agreed and we left the restaurant. We walked and talked some more about past relationships. The question eventually came up again how I was still a virgin. She was surprised to find out that I had never had been involved sexually with anyone ever. I explained that the many women that I encountered were not stable emotionally and that a physical relationship would only destroy any of friendship we had. I explained that to take advantage of a vulnerable woman is not who I am nor ever want to be. I was the teen counselor in school and even as I grew into adulthood, and not known for the most eligible. "No woman wร nts to date a therapist." I stated. Clara quickly replied. "Well, now you found a woman that is willing. You are a rare man to drive over a hundred miles to find out that your date is a psychological mess and still you are willing to pursue a relationship with me. That is so special."
"I'm not trying to earn points Clara, I er we need to build a relationship on trust and love, not superficial lust and shallow romance. Friendship first that is established on trust and if the relationship has proven to be viable over time than we shall see. We both must agree to all sexual restraint until we both are sure that we are right for each other. Agreed?"
"Agreed." Clara declared.
We continued to walk down the side walk and talk some more until it was late evening. The awkward moment of the awkward moment if to kiss her or not was very tempting. She knew there was something I was avoiding but she also sensed an effort to the commitment to establishing a relationship first. We shared a quick hug and a planned date for our next meeting.
We dated and chatted frequently and over several months we became very close friends. We were going steady for several months later when the idea of my relocating near her home town so I would be able to dedicate more time to our relationship. It was a major effort and it seemed like one impossibility after another.
Clara's sister, Mary, became quite ill and soon moved in with Clara. It was awkward for Clara and I to see each other while caring for Together Clara and I took turns providing for Mary's needs. Heather was suffering from head trauma from an automobile accident. The burden of Mary's condition was making it almost impossible for Clara to have a life of her own. I was at a loss to how I could help Clara get away even for just an evening. The solution occurred while I was cleaning the camping trailer. I had been staying in it while providing evening care for Heather so Clara could get some sleep.
I went to the store and purchased a baby monitor. I tested it while Clara was at work. Heather was comfortable with me using it while I was outside doing some house remodeling for Clara. It worked beautifully. Mary was able to reach me whenever her medications were needed or other needs she had.
Clara arrived home from work late as usual. I had prepared in advance in secret a romantic meal. I set it up in the yard by the fire ring. I waited until Clara was finished showering and Heather was tended to before I quietly escorted Clara outside to the back yard.
I prepared a place by the fire ring with a small table made from the stack of split wood. The food was already warming on the coals. There were many candles to light up the scene. I also prepared in advance two very cozy sleeping bags and were made of the finest insulated technology that would both warm and comfortable.
"I recall that you had never been camping so I thought you would be comfortable starting out in your own backyard."
"Oh my dear. This is a surprise and is very special. I love it but how are we going to attend to..."
I cut her question short by pointing to the monitor. It was indicating that Mary was resting for now. "
Clara and I ate and cleaned up our few dishes. I stirred the coals and placed more wood on the fire. The sky was clear and a cool soft breeze chilled the air. We climbed into our sleeping bags and quietly watched the stars and an occasional shooting star would streak by.
I was just about to drift off to sleep from long hours of catering to Mary's health needs and preparing Clara's house for the winter.
I heard Clara stir in her sleeping bag and thought she had turned and gone to sleep. I heard her say. "Thank you for the lovely dinner and for arranging all this. It really means so much to me, you're driving hundreds of miles to care for Mary and to make me feel special when I am frustrated and sad. Thank you."
"You don't need to thank me dear, you need this and I like to see you smile and finally get some emotional rest." I replied sincerely. It pleased me to inspire some happiness and comfort in Clara at least for an evening.
I heard the zipper on Clara's sleeping bag again and thought it was her settling in. I soon felt the weight of her shoulder and head rest on my chest. In a soft voice I heard her ask. "May I give you a kiss?"