Gropings

Jeremy paid the bus driver and walked down the aisle, found a seat near the back, and sat down, gazing out the window. It was a half hour ride from here to where he would get off and walk to the house he shared with the four other uni students that had become his good friends over this last twelve months or so. It was a Wednesday, he had no lectures, and he had just picked up his pay from the pub he worked at on the weekends. Again, the pretty little barmaid had rejected his request to go out with him, though she had done it politely and sweetly, everything she did was sweet as far as he was concerned.

But again, it raised in his mind the question what was wrong with him. Here he was, nearly twenty years old, birthday would be in a month, and he still hadn't been allowed to fuck a girl. Now he knew that going to an all boys' school had put him at a disadvantage. But he had been at uni two and a bit years now, and it seemed to him that everyone he knew was gleefully fucking away except him. The other two guys in the house were forever bringing home girls for the night, the two young women who shared the house with them were often seeing some guy out the front door in the early hours of the morning. And he, he just knew they were all doing it, and no-one would do it with him.

He figured it wasn't because of his looks. He was slim, dark blonde hair, quite an attractive face really, so he had been told. Girls would go out with him, that didn't seem to be the problem; he was a kind, gentle guy with a quiet, soft-spoken sense of humour, so it wasn't his personality. So what was it? The girls he went out with usually let him do some things, in fact most of them would let him do a lot-but never the ultimate, never what the Americans called the home run, or home base, or however they put it. There were a lot of Americans around at the moment, the pub where he worked was a base for their sailors when the ships put into port, something that was more frequent now, now that the war in Vietnam seemed to be fizzling out towards its conclusion. They were forever joking and laughing about how they went with women.

But Jeremy, no, nothing had happened, and nothing was looking like happening. Sure, there had been plenty of what he was starting to call near-misses, but that just wasn't good enough.

His mind wandered to some of the girls he had gone out with, some of the ones he had gone out with more than once.

The first 'serious' one had been Stephanie, way back at the beginning of his first year at uni. She had been a pretty girl, a bit stocky, with a sort of Mediterranean look about her face and skin. It had been a barbecue in the street his parents lived in, he had come to stay the night, just to re-assure them that his moving into a house close to the campus with some other students did not necessarily mean he was going to get scurvy, or die from a drug overdose, or simply just starve to death.

Anyway, he and Stephanie had been the only ones their age at this barbecue, and after the meal, and the little kids had all been parked in front of the TV, and the older parent-age adults had settled in for an evening of serious drinking, he and Stephanie had decided to go for a walk. They had wandered aimlessly through the streets of the comfortably well-off suburb until they had found a small park, and it somehow had seemed inevitable that they would walk to the middle of it, under some trees, and sit down, close to each other. Up to this point, Jeremy had never so much as touched a girl beyond holding her hand, or touching her waist and shoulder at dancing lessons. So he was trembling quite a lot as they talked, one part of his brain focussing on being polite in the conversation, the other part arguing frantically with itself over whether or not he should try to kiss her. Eventually he decided yes, and leaned closer to her, and Stephanie leaned to him, and their lips met, and her lips opened, and he pressed his tongue into her mouth, and her breath was hot and sort of sweet, and his tongue flicked frantically around in her mouth, and she sighed. Her arms were around him, and she pulled him down with her as she lay herself onto her back on the grass, not directly on top of her, but so he was mostly on his side close up against her body, and her tongue flicked at his, his hips pressing his now painful erection in his jeans hard up against her thigh, also in jeans, and she did not move her leg away, and he interpreted this as a good sign.

It was late summer, and a warm night, and Stephanie was wearing a light top, no buttons, and Jeremy put his hand to her waist, and under the t-shirt like top, and his hand felt electrified by the warmth of her belly on his palm, and he let his hand enjoy that feeling for a while. Still they kissed, she didn't seem to mind at all as his hand moved up her belly, reached the underside of her bra, he felt the smoothness of the fabric, and through it the firmness of the underside of her breasts, and her tongue responded to his as he awkwardly moved his hand, cupping her breast through the fabric of the bra, and squeezing at it, thinking to be not too forceful, not wanting to be too rough or awkward, and not really having a clue what he was doing. His hips were jerking a little at her thigh, but she showed no sign of minding that, and she kissed him still. His hand moved over her breasts to the tops of them, and his fingers entered one of the cups, for the first time he felt the beautiful, soft firmness of the female breast, his tongue seemed to be going crazy in her mouth, and his fingers forced their way deeper into the cup of Stephanie's bra, and there was a tightness of the bra against his fingers, squeezing them between the fabric and her breast, and he must have hurt her, because she gave a little yelp, and the kiss broke off, and she sat up, and he sat up with her, and felt terrible.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, feeling absolutely ridiculous.

"Hang on a sec," Stephanie said quietly, and her hands reached under her top, and were doing something behind her back, then she lay back down again, and he lay beside her, keeping a bit of distance from her thigh, because he was afraid things were close to getting a bit sticky in his jeans. Stephanie had been enjoying the kiss, she took his head in her hands and the kiss resumed, with one hand she took his and put it under her top again, and Jeremy realised that she had undone her bra, and now her breasts were free, and his hand cupped over one of them, and squeezed at it, he felt her flinch a little, knew he had been too rough. The kiss continued as his hand continued its exploration of her breasts, they were firm, almost hard against his skin, and he loved the way the nipples felt, he played with them, plucking and kneading them, and decided it was a good thing when she let out a little moan at that. His fingers massaged one nipple, then another, then the other, over and over, as the amazing kiss continued, and he felt unbearable pressure growing in his jeans, out of the corner of his eye he saw that Stephanie had her knees up, and they had fallen apart, and his mind said this is it, tonight's the night.

Jeremy's tongue continued its dance inside her mouth as he moved his hand from her breasts-and it definitely did not want to leave those beautiful breasts-but he moved it down over her belly, and his fingers trembled as they crossed her belly, and approached the top of her jeans, and found the button, and started to undo it, and that was where it all went wrong. Stephanie put her hand down on his, and moved it back to her breasts, and whispered, "We can't do that tonight." And Jeremy was confused and did not understand. His fingers resumed touching and kneading at her breasts, resumed plucking and rubbing her nipples, he was fairly sure she was enjoying that, she kept making these little moanings, so he was confident that he was doing something right, but every time his fingers moved to that button, she moved them away, and after several times, she finally sat up, and his hand fell away from her. Again, her hands went under her top, behind her back, and he knew it was over for that evening anyway. And he still could not understand what she meant by "We can't do that tonight." Several times she had said it, seeming to stress the 'tonight'.

But Jeremy was essentially a polite young man, and so he did not press it any further, and they held hands until they were back in their street, and they kissed quickly before rejoining the barbecue.

Staying with his parents changed then from being just for one night into staying for the whole weekend, which was a long weekend. His parents were pleased, though a little surprised. They didn't know it had anything to do with the quiet girl who was staying with her grandparents in their house two doors up.

The next day Jeremy spent on the front verandah, looking out for Stephanie, far too shy to go to her grandparents' house to ask after her. But late in the afternoon he got fed up with that, told his parents he was going for a walk, and headed off, very, very slowly, in the direction of her house. He had no idea what he was going to do then, decided to go back to the little park, with all its wonderful, and frustrating, memories, from the night before, and have a cigarette, something his parents did not know he did, and he was too scared of them to come out and say, hey, I'm an adult now, I can if I want.

It took him ages to walk past the house, no sign of her out the front, she was probably angry at him anyway, so he walked more quickly once past it. When he got to the end of the street, about to turn the corner towards the pathway that led to the park, he heard footsteps behind him, and a soft, "Hey." He stopped, and turned, and it was Stephanie, and his stomach jumped, she wasn't angry with him after all. When she had caught up with him, she took his hand, and he felt wonderful, and they naturally headed to the same spot in the park, in the sunsetting light it was deep back from the street, and 'their' spot was shielded from view by trees he had not noticed the night before. They talked a little, she turned down his offer of a cigarette, and leant against him as he smoked his.

Stephanie was dressed in a pale green blouse today, her bra could not be seen under the fabric, though the lines of it showed when she moved. She was wearing a skirt today though, a simple denim skirt, that only came midway down her thighs. She had beautiful legs he thought, and he wondered if it was any sort of signal that she sat with her knees up, and slightly parted. He had caught a glimpse of pale green undies a couple of times when they had first sat down, and the stirrings in his jeans were growing insistent again.

Jeremy put the cigarette out, and they kissed, and again their tongues danced, wrestled almost, frantically, and again Stephanie pulled him down almost on top of her as she lay herself down on the grass again. Jeremy pressed his crotch up against the side of her bare thigh as they kissed, and his desperation placed a hand on that thigh, above her knee, and the warmth of that skin on his was wonderful, and his hand slid slowly up her thigh, his fingers delighting in the feel of the skin of her inner thigh, and his hand moved further, and he waited for the pushing away to happen, but it didn't. Instead Stephanie pressed her tongue deeper into his mouth as his fingers grazed over the front of her undies, he sensed the hairs beneath the green material.

Jeremy's fingers trembled almost uncontrollably, his whole body seemed to be shuddering, he hoped Stephanie couldn't feel it, inside he thought all his organs were vibrating so violently they would explode, as his fingers moved under the band of her undies, he moved them down and there were the soft little curls, maybe not as soft as he had always imagined, but it didn't matter, he was touching them, the feel of them was indescribable, he wanted to pluck some out, eat them. Instead his fingers continued through the little hairs, down, there was her clit, he had looked this up in a book he had discovered in his parents' book shelf, he doubted they knew they even had it, he rubbed on it, Stephanie let out a little noise, he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, all he knew about that little organ was its name, so what he was looking for had to be close. He pressed his finger into her body, there was a little hole there, it was wet, that was the main impression his hand had at that moment, one of a steamy moistness. He pressed his finger a little harder, this particular hole seemed incredibly small, his thumb brushed Stephanie's clit. She made that little noise again, he pressed his finger at the little hole again, that couldn't be it, he felt a tiny trickle on his fingertip and moved his hand back up to her pubic hairs. He had to admit to himself that he did not know where what his fingers were looking for was. He felt terrible, didn't know what to do, the opportunity to totally humiliate himself was becoming increasingly more likely.

Jeremy was saved from this by the sound of approaching voices, they both sat upright, Stephanie adjusted her skirt, and stood up. She was a bit annoyed. Twice Jeremy had touched that magic little bump that, she knew from long experience, brought her so much pleasure when it was touched properly. She realised he probably didn't know this, and determined to try to explain it to him later that evening. Somewhat sheepishly they walked home, not saying much.

As soon as he got the opportunity, Jeremy found the book, and studied that diagram with all the studiousness that had made him an all A student at school, and was now helping him in these first months of what was to be a shining university career. So that was it, he thought, though the diagram wasn't all that clear. He hadn't quite gone far enough, maybe, though he would have to be very careful his fingers didn't go too far around. It was way down there, that's what the diagram seemed to be telling him. He hoped desperately he understood it.

So later that evening, back in the park again, Stephanie still in the same skirt and blouse, lying on her back again, kissing, Jeremy ventured again. She had taken her bra off completely, unbuttoned her blouse, and when he had gone to put his hand between her legs, she had moved it to her breasts, and he did not mind that at all. In the moonlight they were pale, dark brown nipples erect, and he squeezed and massaged at them as gently as he could, given his fingers' impatience to be somewhere else. When Stephanie began making those funny little moanings again, Jeremy slowly slid his hand down her belly, skipped over her skirt, and once more touched the intimacy of the inside of her thigh. She parted her legs a little more for him, and his hand went to the top of her undies, again through that delicious almost-moist little mat of soft hairs, again his fingers rubbed over her clit, she gave a funny little jerk almost as he touched it. When she had gotten home earlier, after he had first touched it, she had rushed to her room and masturbated, she wondered all evening how to explain to him that that was what she wanted him to do to her, she hadn't quite decided whether or not to let him screw her if he did play with her clit properly, that was normally what happened, but she wasn't sure yet. No-one here in the city knew of her reputation back home, and she wasn't sure if she wanted it to follow her here.

Jeremy's fingers moved down past the little bump, past that first tiny hole he had approached earlier, still not sure what that was, felt the oddness of the way his fingertips seemed to slip into her slit, and then moved them down further, and there it was, his fingers moved into Stephanie, and Jeremy, kissing her, his hips now humping at her thigh, felt the wonderful slick, silky wet warmth of the inside of her, he had two fingers in her, and he pressed them in as deeply as they would go, marvelling at how it felt, little ridges almost in some places, smooth and so wet in others. He did this back and forth, pressing his fingers into her. He had no idea what he had expected it would feel like, all he knew was that he wanted to keep his fingers in there forever. His hips had taken over from his brain, and Stephanie knew what was about to happen, it was quite nice what he was doing, she felt stirrings, wished he would play with the little bump, then felt a sudden rush of excitement. Jeremy's fingers had found something that seemed odd to him, inside her, amongst all the smooth wetness, there was a roughness, and his fingers tickled and explored at it, wondering why it felt so different to the rest of it inside there. Stephanie moaned, and her back even lifted from the ground for a second, this was new, and she liked it. She pushed her hips back down at his fingers, she decided that if he could keep this up she would let his cock inside her, when his cock interrupted, with a shudder Jeremy felt the familiar heat race through his cock, and the eruption of hot wetness into his jocks. He sighed, and his fingers slipped from inside Stephanie, though only for a moment. Stephanie knew what had happened to him, at least it wasn't all over her belly or leg, as had happened so often, she sighed with frustration, he had been doing so well with his fingers, and in a way she still wanted to fuck him, but for now she just wanted to get home and into bed and explore this new feeling.

Jeremy stirred on his seat on the bus, aware of the erection that these memories had brought about, glad that at this time of day there were few people on the bus, no-one could see what had happened. He looked out of the window, sighing. He had been sure Stephanie had been going to let him. There had been a couple of other nights like that one, but she had never been in quite the same mood, and then she had moved back to her parents' farm-he never found out why-and they had written a few letters, but he never saw her again.

He tried to concentrate on the essay he planned to start that afternoon, the major one for the term, but instead his mind wandered again into that area called near-misses and lost opportunities.

The second 'serious' one had been Elaine, a girl-next-door-pretty fellow student, about his height, long dark brown hair, slim, with nice-sized, sort of longish breasts and slim legs. It had been the end of that first year of uni, and they had gone out for a drink after an exam. Through the course of the year they hadn't paid a lot of attention to each other, but the final panicky rush towards exams had seen her seek out his help, as he was known to be very smart, and very helpful with concepts and essays and so on.

So anyway after they had had a few drinks-not many-she offered to give him a lift home, and they had driven around the river and she had suggested pulling up in one of the carparks there to watch the moon on the water and he had thought why not, and maybe here was an opportunity, and Elaine had thought exactly the same because she liked Jeremy and very much appreciated the help he had given her, and besides, he was very different from the sorts of guys she usually went out with. If he had been like them, she knew, she would have been in bed with him after just the first study session, and the subsequent ones would not have been study sessions at all, but fuck sessions like all the others. So she appreciated that he was different from the others, and thought he was nice.

They had talked for a little while, mainly about their plans for the long summer holiday that was about to start, and the need to go off and spend Christmas with family, and Elaine kept putting her hand on his arm and so on, and Jeremy decided this was a signal, and eventually took her hand in his, and they looked at each other, and he moved over a little, and she moved over a little, and their eyes met, then their lips met, and then her tongue was in his mouth, and it was soft and warm, and his tongue answered hers.