Ben and his Grandfather Frank are not just family - they are friends. That's why Ben turned to his Grandpa when he needed advice on how to relate to girls. Ben was interested in what Frank said; you will be too. All characters in this three-part story are adults over 18 years old.
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My parents were old-fashioned. They didn't let me go on dates until I was 16, and even then I could only go on group dates to places like the skating rink, or parties at the houses of friends. I wasn't allowed to go out with girls unchaperoned until after I turned 18. It was a relief, because for a long time I'd wanted to date a good friend of mine named Bethany. Everybody called her Beth.
I liked Beth, and I thought she liked me. Since I'd never asked a girl on a date, I wanted some advice, but that wasn't the kind of thing I liked discussing with my Dad. I love my Dad, and he's a good guy, but he wasn't someone I wanted to talk to about girls.
I felt more comfortable discussing it with Grandpa Frank. From the time I was a little kid, Grandpa always listened to what I had to say and treated me like someone he respected. He and Grandma Mary lived three houses down, so anytime I wanted to see him I'd just walk over and see if he was in his workshop. Grandpa had a great workshop full of every kind of tool you can imagine. It had a wood burning stove and a big stack of magazines on stuff like hunting and fishing. Sometimes I'd go over there and just read magazines with him.
"I need some advice, Grandpa," I said.
"Well Ben, I'm getting dumber every day, but I'll do my best," he said. "I hope you don't want to know what I had for breakfast or where I left my car keys. We'll have to ask your Grandma if you want to talk about that."
Grandpa was good at making me laugh. He liked to pretend he was getting senile, but Grandpa was the sharpest guy I've ever known. He had an answer for everything.
"I want to ask Beth out on a date, but I don't know how," I said.
"Hmm. Well, that can be a problem, Ben. I'm guessing that you must like this Beth, right?"
"I've always liked her," I said. "I've liked her since we met in middle school. Yeah, I like her a lot."
"Good to know," Grandpa said. "Does she like you?"
I wasn't sure what to say. "I think so, but I'm not sure," I said. "I don't feel like I'm any good at knowing what she's thinking."
"That's a valuable insight, Ben," Grandpa said. "Don't expect that to ever change. I've been married to your Grandma for almost 40 years, and I still don't know what she's thinking. If you can avoid fooling yourself into believing you know what a woman thinks, it will save you a lot of pain and heartache in the future."
"What should I say when I ask her out? I don't know what to do," I said.
"The truth is always best. Say something like this: 'Beth, I've liked you since we were in middle school. I like you a lot. Now that I'm 18, my parents say I can go out on dates, and the only person I want to go out with is you.' How does that sound?"
"That's it?"
"Well, you might throw in a few of the reasons you like her. Why Beth instead of some other girl?" Grandpa asked.
That puzzled me. I never thought about it.
"She's smart. She is always kind to people. I like hearing what she thinks. She's hot. I guess that's basically it," I said.
"If I were you, I'd skip the part about how she's a hottie, Ben," Grandpa Frank said. "Girls like to be told they're hot, but not until after you've gone out on several dates. Throw in the part about how you admire her because she's smart, she's kind to people, and you always enjoy hearing what she has to think."
That seemed too simple to me. I was looking for something a lot cleverer. "Are you sure that's going to work?" I asked.
"Nope, not one bit. I don't know this girl at all. She may not like you as much as you think she does. But you're going to ask a lot of girls on dates in the next few years, and a lot of them are going to say no.
"When that happens, the best thing to do is recognize that when a girl says no, she's doing you a favor. It helps you avoid wasting time. It tells you to move on to the next girl. There are plenty of girls who'd love to go out with you. Devote your time to them. For the love of God, don't ever become one of those saps who falls for a specific girl and can't be happy without her. Chase the girls who want to be caught."
I still thought I needed a more elaborate way of asking Beth out, but I couldn't think of one. I asked Grandpa what I should ask her to do. "A good first date is to take her to a funny movie, then go out for coffee or a burger afterward. That way, as you're sipping your coffee and talking afterward, it's easy to avoid those awkward silences you sometimes get on first dates. Any time the conversation lags, you can talk about the parts of the movie that you thought were especially funny."
