I look at myself in the mirror and break out in a nervous sweat.
"Becca! There is no way I can leave the house like this. I look..."
"Sexy?" Becca suggests helpfully.
"Really? I was thinking more like... exposed."
Turning in front of the mirror, I smooth the sequined mini dress over my curves and pull the bodice up higher watching in dismay as it springs back into place - framing my cleavage, rather than covering it. The dress is certainly eye catching but a nervous prickle of fear twists through me as I imagine wearing it out to the club.
"Definitely sexy," Becca says as she stands behind me. "I told you I'd help find you a boyfriend, this dress is just the first step."
"Maybe I don't want a boyfriend," I say softly. "What if I meet someone and he turns out to be just like Arthur? Besides, I kind of like spending Saturday nights at home." My eyes wander to the books stacked high on my bedside table begging me to snuggle down deep in the covers and become immersed in their pages. Compared to my date with Arthur, a night with a hot novel sounds so much more appealing.
"Come on, that was one date over a year ago. You need to get over it."
"Becca, he licked my face. It wasn't just the worst kiss in the history of mankind, he actually licked my face. Like a dog. What if the next guy is even worse?"
"Trust me, it will get better. You just need to get out of the house and stop spending all of your time at school studying or in bed reading. You're 20 years old, not 50! You should be snuggled between your sheets with a boy, not with a book. You don't even know what you're missing out on. If you wimp out on me and stay home again tonight I'll have to resign as your best friend or something. No offence." She grins at me and I laugh despite myself.
"Oh of course not, that's not at all offensive."
"Listen, you have a great body, this dress just highlights it. We'll find you a better guy, one that knows how to kiss properly. Maybe even someone who knows how to French kiss..." she wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. "Mesh, is supposed to be wicked hot. I mean, how lucky are we that the trendiest club in Melbourne opened up just around the corner? We'll have some drinks, dance, meet some boys. It'll be fun, no pressure."
"It'll be fun," I repeat it to myself like an affirmation and take a deep breath. I move to adjust the dress again but as I reach for the fabric Becca stops me with a look and walks behind me to straighten the bodice. Soft hands smooth the material down my sides, easing the wrinkles over my hips, my thighs. Her breath whispers against my legs as she straightens the seams and my body thrills under her touch. Maybe I do need a night out, I think to myself. Even my best friend's hands are starting to seem erotic. I clear my throat and step away from her quickly.
"OK. I'll trust you on the dress, but it's freezing outside. I'm wearing something over the top of this," I warn and open my wardrobe to pull out a short black college style blazer with white piping and slip it on over the dress.
Becca's starts laughing as I turn around and she sees what I've chosen.
"What's so funny?" I pout.
"I give you my sexiest dress and you make it look like a uniform! Fine, keep the blazer on. It actually looks kind of cute on you."
"Thanks," I pull at the hemline one last time, trying to wish a few extra inches onto it.
"Don't worry you've made that dress look positively decent. Here, let me do your face for you." Becca picks up my makeup bag and gestures for me to sit on the edge of the bed.
"How is it that you can make the word 'decent' sound oh so wrong? Are you sure you don't think the dress is too short?" I ask as she loads the brush with eye shadow.
"Hello, look at who you're talking to," she gestures to her own skirt which leaves even less to the imagination than my own. "We're going out to a club, not the library. What you're wearing is great, you'll fit right in. Don't worry so much."
"Sorry, I'm just nervous."
"Ok, hold still," she warns. I close my eyes as she applies a nude eye shadow and dark liner to my lids and hold my breath as the soft scent of powder wafts over me. Running the blush softly over my cheeks once Becca stands back with her head cocked to the side looking at me critically. "Why Ella, I do believe you are looking positively smoking," she smirks.
I glance in the mirror and smile at my reflection. My carefully curled hair trails over the collar of the blazer and the sequined dress sparkles beneath it. My make up is understated but highlights my wide brown eyes and full pink lips. I look like a different version of myself. She's right, I do look kind of hot. Like the kind of girl that goes to clubs and flirts with boys. My pulse swells with anticipation, beating with the promise of dark pleasure and whispers of desire.
"Ready to go find us some boys?" Becca asks with a sly smile. Tucking a stray hair behind my ear, I pick up my keys and wallet and for the first time tonight I think that I just might be looking forward to this.
*****
Mesh is packed when we arrive, a line snakes out of the doorway curving along the street. After flashing some cleavage and working her flirt Becca gets us past the line and before I know it we're walking through a velvet curtain into the heavy thud of dance music.
The air is hot in the club and sweat prickles along my skin beneath the blazer as we work our way through the crowd. Scanning the room eyes meet mine, male eyes dark with intent and my breath catches in my throat as my body tightens with anticipation. Will tonight be the night I get my first proper kiss?
Becca grabs my hand and leads me to the bar working our way past the couples kissing on low couches and guys swigging beer, making lewd hand gestures with hoarse laughs. Eyes caress my bare skin and I clutch my blazer tighter, suddenly nervous despite the growing excitement curled deep in the pit of my stomach. We stop abruptly and I tumble into Becca to find myself in front of the bar in the centre of the club. Blue lights flicker along a steel mesh counter, the mohawked bartender is rushed off his feet but finds time to spare a smile for Becca as she orders us two shots of tequila.
He slides two glasses over to us but won't take our money. "On the house," he winks and I blush as he looks in my direction.
Taking our glasses to the stools at the end of the bar Becca bends down to whisper in my ear "How about him? He's pretty hot!"
"Umm... maybe not," I frown wrinkling my nose. Somehow I can't see me and Mr Mohawked Tattoo guy having much in common. The guy works in a club and has hundreds of gorgeous girls flirting with him every night. Even with the extreme haircut he looks too handsome, not quite real. Luckily Becca is already distracted, looking over to the dance floor and back at me grinning.
"Dutch courage!" she cheers, clinking her glass against mine before downing the shot. My throat burns as the tequila traces my throat and I feel the heavy warmth seep through my stomach.
"Time for step two," she yells in my ear. "Let's dance!"
I look over to the dance floor where girls are executing elaborate moves and the guys are moving close to thrust their hips against them in the guise of dancing. My nervousness overtakes my earlier excitement and I feel myself start to panic. "There is no way you're going to convince me to dance while I'm still sober." I shrug off my blazer and plant myself back down on the stool. "Why don't you go dance and I'll stay here and try my luck at the bar?" I smile with a confidence I wish I felt and wave her over to the dance floor.
"How about I go dance for a bit and bring some cute boys back with me for you to meet? Don't have too much fun without me," she blows a kiss over her shoulder and starts moving her hips in time to the music as she walks out onto the dance floor.
With Becca gone I start to feel exposed sitting alone at the bar so I order a vodka and lemonade, thrusting my money quickly into the bartender's hand, and take it over to a group of lounge chairs in the corner of the club. I take a long gulp of my drink and lay my blazer over my lap as I try to get a lay of the land. Most of the guys are young and slightly dishevelled, with designer stubble, tight jeans and skinny ties. It looks like we've infiltrated the latest hipster hangout. I can see Becca on the dance floor. Her ass sways to the music, the tight lycra of her skirt barely covering her ass. Her thin cropped tee offers a tantalising view of her cleavage and it's no surprise that there are already a few guys circling her, moving closer as her body sways with the music.
I'm quickly mesmerised and watch curiously at the way she charms them. The subtle crook of a finger as she beckons one of them closer, the pout of her lips when they can't keep up with her... I'm surprised when I hear a soft cough behind me and a low male voice asking "Can I get you a drink?"
I turn to see a brawny guy with a mop of oily hair clinging to his forehead looking down my cleavage. It looks like he's been dancing and the strong scent of his body odour threatens to suffocate me. Repulsion fizzes in my gut as I imagine kissing him, somehow I don't think he'll offer any improvement over Arthur's face licking.
.
"I already have a drink," the ice tinkles as I shake the glass at him and look back at the dance floor hoping he'll take the hint.
"You look really sexy in that dress" his finger reaches forward to tug at the strap of my bodice.
"I'm just waiting for a friend" I pull the blazer from my lap, struggling to get my arms through the sleeves quickly before he can touch any more of me.
"I can keep you company while you wait..." he offers and presses closer to me, his fingers moving to walk up my thigh.
"Please don't." I brush his fingers away and smooth my dress down around my thighs, I knew this dress was too short.
I glance up to see him smiling, enjoying my discomfort and I shudder. No way in hell is this guy getting any closer to me. This boy with his sticky hands and beer breath will not be going anywhere near my lips or my panties. I want a man with strong arms and the scent of his cologne swirling around us as he ravishes me. Is that really too much to ask for?
"Ella, you sly thing you..." Becca sidles up to me, a cute boy with designer stubble and tight jeans trailing behind her.
"This is the friend I was waiting for." I look at the guy pointedly and he finally takes the hint and leaves.
"Not your type?" she asks and picks up my drink, swilling it back in one long gulp. "I was going to bring some guys over to meet you but it looked like you got all loved up on your own. He seemed very attentive."
"Trust me, I don't want that kind of attention." She looks up at me with a look of sympathy before turning to introduce me to the guy behind her.
"Ella, this is Justin. Justin invited me back to his place, I was thinking about going but if you're still looking I'll stay here with you."
"Don't be silly, I'll be fine. You two go and have fun." I smile while calculating how long I'll need to wait before running out of the club.
"You are such a great friend. He's such a cutie isn't he?" she stage whispers. "You should get out on the dance floor, lots of hot guys," she licks her lips suggestively and I punch her arm in mock admonishment as she turns to leave.
I wait until Becca is out of sight, count to ten, then slink out of the club.
*****
The autumn night feels cool against my hot cheeks and I gulp deep breaths of relief as I stand on the street, shivering slightly in my thin blazer. People pool out of the club onto the footpath and I move out of their way while I get my bearings and that's when I see it. A bookstore, open at 10pm on a Saturday night. I feel myself drawn to the warm glow from the door like a moth to a flame.
