It has been suggested to me that there was an underage sexual relationship between me and Camilla somewhere near the beginning of this narrative. This was categorically not the case. There was no mention of sex before she was 18 and she was 20 before there was any physical contact. With that in mind I invite you to read on.
When we first moved to England from Nigeria I rented and then bought a house in the south west suburbs of London popular with Norwegians. This gave me a chance to socialise with my compatriots and still work in the family business's London operation. I was fortunate enough to move next door to an acquaintance, with his wife, who I hadn't previously met, and their young daughter.
They were very easy going people and didn't find it strange that I moved to England with two wives.
It was several years before we started our own family and we got our chance to learn about parenting by babysitting, and later childminding, their daughter, Camilla.
Naturally Camilla was shy at first. It seemed to take a very long time before she accepted us and even then she seemed to acknowledge me more than the "mothering" ladies. We agreed between us all that it was probably because she was used to hearing Norwegian at home and of course my wives didn't speak it.
When Camilla had been at school for a few months a teacher started a chain of events that resulted in her being diagnosed autistic.
The years went by, during which our own children were born, and Camilla's condition seemed to get worse. She was ok with her parents and her specialist teachers but was very distant from everyone else except her βthird parentβ, me. I took that responsibility very seriously.
I nurtured our friendship as best I could and was assisted by Camilla's parents and specialists. I was the only source of respite care that any of their family would accept. Fortunately we had space for sleepovers so her parents didn't even need to go away to have a break. After we started our own family Camilla looked forward to sleepovers even more, so that she could "mother" our Anne.
This situation continued for a long time, during which we had two more children, starting with another girl, Georgette. Camilla was excited about the new arrivals and all the more keen to stay. She showed no emotion at all when we lost a child through miscarriage, even though everyone around her was crying or very upset. She just didn't understand.
Of course during this time I continued parenting her. If I didn't our relationship would quickly fade away.
When Camilla went through puberty her parents were extremely worried about how that would affect her and whether it would make her even more awkward with other people. I, on the other hand, took it in my stride. I answered any questions and worries in the matter of fact way that appealed to her.
I was her go to person when she needed advice on anything, including growing up.
When Camilla reached 18 she fell into a gap in the support system that was geared for children and young people. At least she still had the school, until she finished that summer and was completely abandoned by the system. While her parents were at work Camilla would be home alone or would come round to our house. I was often away for short trips, mainly for business, but by then Camilla was ok with my wives, who she had got to know and accept.
Camilla worried about understanding emotions and making relationships. I was able to tell her that nearly all young people have some level of concern about exactly the same, including my wives when they were young. If she wanted I could help her understand.
So it was that we started talking about liking someone and being liked. How to recognise when someone liked you and how to respond. It was clear that whoever she was with would have to very clearly and unambiguously take the lead, as although Camilla could learn to describe the signs I taught her she wasn't able to notice when they were occurring, largely because she had problems looking at anyone she wasn't at ease with. She hardly looked at me, let alone strangers.
So much expression in relationships is in the face and eyes. It took years before Camilla looked at my face and I don't think she had ever looked me in the eyes deliberately, certainly if i noticed it she very quickly looked down. I, in turn, tried not to let Camilla see me looking at her. This wasn't particularly easy as she had, and still has, a lovely face.
I decided to discuss role play with Abimbola. Perhaps Camilla could learn by watching us act out scenes. So it was that Camilla started to make some progress. I even roped in Monifa to act the jealous or injured party.
Camilla seemed happy with progress and did manage to find a couple of short term boyfriends. Then she made a breakthrough. Being the oldie that I was, compared with her, I hadn't thought of internet dating! No need to look at each other, no body language, just express yourself succinctly.
Camilla was now a happy young adult until a new issue arose. She and her then boyfriend wanted to meet. We did a quick revision course for her and off she went to their first date.
Camilla, and hence her parents, were very happy with how things developed. Dave was a lovely, understanding and patient young man. He was slightly older than Camilla but had never had a previous close relationship. I met him a few times and really liked him.