December 1954, Near New Haven Connecticut
Christmas Moonlight by the Glenn Miller Band played on the RCA Victor radio as Lillian O'Brady looked at herself in the full-length mirror. She was happy with the way she looked in her wedding dress. The sleeveless, tea-length gown gave her a flirtatious and fun look but not so much that she gave away traditional modesty. The slender bodice and fuller skirt emphasized the curves of her chest and hips.
She had made the dress herself from a McCall's pattern and was very proud of how it came out. Not only did it compliment her body but also her frugal lifestyle. As she pivoted around to check all the angles there was a knock at the door.
"It's time for your hair. Can we come in?" a familiar voice asked.
"Sure," Lillian responded.
Moments later her older sister Susie and her mother Faye walked into the room.
"Oh you look simply beautiful," Faye said as Susie picked up a brush and got to work on Lillian's hair.
Faye took both of Lillian's hands and held them out. "To be honest, I wasn't sure about you making your own wedding dress, but it came out superb. I guess my idea of a wedding gown is all frills and bows, but you look divine in a simple dress."
Lillian smiled, "Thank you. Do you think Bill will like it?"
"Oh of course he will," Faye responded.
"Yeah, every guy in the church is going to be jealous that he bagged such a doll," her sister added as she worked out some small imperfections in her hair.
"Thanks," Lillian said again this time with a bit of a nervous smile.
"Oh honey, are you worried?" her mother asked.
Lillian gave a little nod.
"Don't be. Bill's a wonderful guy. He's handsome, responsible, has a good job and loves you very much."
"I know, I know, it's not that? "
"Well is it the reception? Don't worry about that, you've planned it perfectly. And a Christmas wedding is always special. Not only does it add to this holiday but you will remember it fondly for every Christmas to come."
"No, it's not that."
"It's the sex isn't it?" Her sister blurted out smirking.
Lillian bit her lower lip and looked down in silent acknowledgment of Susie's guess.
"Oh dear, Lilian, why are you worrying about that on this wonderful day?" asked her mother.
"I don't know, I've nothing to relate it to and don't know what to expect."
"Well, it's the most natural thing a man and a woman can do so you shouldn't worry about it."
"Unless it hurts," her sister jumped in.
Lillian's look turned concerned, "What do you mean?"
"Well, when me and Bob first did it it felt like I was getting stabbed with a piece of wood down there. We spent the whole night trying to get it in. It took weeks before I could get comfortable with it."
"Stop it Susie. Don't scare your little sister on her wedding day," Faye interjected. "Lillian, not every woman is like that. That wasn't my experience or your aunt's. To be honest, when your father gets me going I get so wet down there a Studebaker could slide through."
"Who's doing the scaring now Mom?" said Susie. "We don't need to hear about you and dad."
That comment broke the tension and made Lillian giggle. She then asked, "But what if he doesn't like my body? Or if I'm bad at it? Or something embarrassing happens?"
"Darling, never fear your own body. And you're the woman, when it comes to sex there's not much you can do that's bad or embarrassing."
"Um again not true," her sister commented as she put the finishing touches on Lillian's hair. "One time I went to straddle Bob and I accidentally kneed him right in the testicles. He was in pain for days."
"Susie please stop it. You're not helping."
"Okay Mom, you're right," Susie said. "Lillian, the only thing you should worry about is if he finishes before you even get going."
"That's it," her mother said loudly. "I'm ending this conversation."
In a calming voice, Faye looked Lillian in the eyes and said, "Honey losing your virginity is a big deal. Having sex is a big deal. It's normal to be nervous, but that's part of the experience. When you have sex you're naked and exposed and feel vulnerable but at the same time you know you're safe and comfortable with the one you love. All those feelings blend inside of you to create a sense of anticipation like nothing else you've ever felt. And when done right nothing else makes you feel so complete, so loved, and so happy."
Lillian smiled at her mother, "Thanks Mom."
"You're welcome,'' her mother assured before looking at her watch. "Oh my, we've got to be going. You look perfect. Get your shoes on while I have Aunt Margaret bring the car around."
As Lillian slipped her feet into her white shoes Susie said, "Don't worry about it little sister. You two are going to be alone in that Vermont cabin for a week. I'm sure you'll figure it out."
"You think?"
"Of course. A week of skiing and sex, what better way to learn the 'ins and outs' of intercourse?"
Both women giggled before their mother yelled, "Hurry up, we don't want to be late."
The car ride to the church was quick and quiet. This left Lillian to mull over the earlier conversation. It seemed odd that it was her square mother that had talked about the positives of sex and her hipster older sister who talked about the negatives. Who was she to believe?
Her preoccupation continued in the backroom of the church as her mother helped her put on her veil and white satin gloves. After the reception, she and Bill would spend their first night together. Their first sex would surely happen there. He must be expecting it. What if everything on this day is perfect until that point and then something bad happens with the sex? It would ruin everything. Her troublesome thoughts were interrupted when she heard the organ begin to play.
Her father appeared in the room to walk her down the aisle. "Go!" her mother whispered. "And don't slouch!"
The advice reminded Lillian of the many times her mother had corrected her posture. She was right to do so here, if she slouched in this dress it would have ruined the look she had planned for. And if her mother was right about her posture she was probably right about the sex too.
The church was decorated for the season, with tent-draped garland accented with berries and classic red ribbon. Elegant glass ornaments were added to the chandeliers and the altar was framed with evergreens adorned with white lights. At the center of the altar was Bill.
He looked great in his black three-piece suit and grinned as she approached. 'So manly' she thought. Not just in his good looks but in who he was. He always treated others fairly, honored his commitments, and made sound decisions. He was a man she could be comfortable with and knew she would be safe with.
When she arrived next to him, in a carefully choreographed motion, he lifted her veil. Gazing into her eyes he smiled a nervous but excited smile. She held his gaze as the minister started speaking.
The service seemed to go very quickly. She heard the minister's voice but didn't hear what he was saying. Before she knew it Bill was saying his vows. Then it was her turn to say hers. A moment later they were pronounced man and wife. The minister held up some mistletoe and told Bill that he could kiss his bride. And after a wonderful kiss to the sound of applause, they were married.
As Lillian walked down the aisle with her now husband Bill, all the attendees rang Christmas bells that they had been given when they arrived. It was an exciting sound, one which matched the festive season but also marked change. It was the beginning of their life together.
The receiving line was traditional but arduous. At the end was her Aunt Margaret, her mother's older sister. Lillian expected the same, 'you are a beautiful bride' compliment. She was surprised, however, when her aunt said, "Your mother told me about your concern."
Lillian hoped she was not talking about her sex concerns, but knew it would be just like her mother to kibitz with her aunt. Before Lillian could say anything Margaret started,
"Yeah and I want to tell you a little story. A few years ago I had no idea what your Uncle Carl was getting me for Christmas. I kept finding brochures about vacuum cleaners, Hoovers, Kirby's, and Electrolux. So I started thinking he is going to get me a vacuum cleaner. I was getting all worked up, 'like he probably thinks he's doing me a favor and that I will like it.' But I'm not going to like a vacuum cleaner as a Christmas gift. I'll end up getting mad at him on Christmas Day right in front of the kids. Anyway, Christmas came and I was all tense and ready for something unpleasant. Then he handed me this small box and in it was a silver bracelet. It was the nicest self-inflicted surprise of my life. So what I'm saying is when it comes to sex sometimes you think you're getting a vacuum cleaner but you end up with a silver bracelet."
Lillian was taken aback. She was not surprised that her aunt had no compunction about saying something embarrassing, yet that didn't prevent her from being caught not knowing how to respond. She looked at her aunt's face, patted one of her hands, and smiled. "Thank you Auntie. I can always count on you to say something profound."
Before Margret could respond, Bill saved his bride. "Come along dear, we need to get to the reception," he said, hooking his arm under hers and hurrying her out the door.
The cold winter's air nipped at her exposed skin. "Brrr, it's cold," she gasped as they jogged down the snow-covered sidewalk. "Careful I can't run in this dress!"
Bill's Chevrolet Bel Air 4-door sedan was parked at the curb just ahead, decorated with a 'just married' sign, holiday-colored crepe paper, and a dozen Campbell's soup cans tied to the rear bumper. Lillian's brother-in-law, Bob, had the engine running and held the rear door open allowing them a quick escape from the cold.
They settled into the backseat and as soon as the door closed Lilian slid close to her new husband, her voice was sweet, "We're married now."
"Best Christmas present I could ever want," he replied before kissing her passionately.
They had kissed plenty of times before but this felt different. Maybe it was the excitement of the day, maybe it was knowing that they were now committed to each other. Or maybe it was knowing that much more physical activity was on the way. Lilian felt her heart race and butterflies in her stomach. The passion was cut short when Bob got into the driver's seat and slammed the door shut.
"Here we go kids," he said.
