Chapter 1: Skin
"Shit!" I squealed as my roommate's eyes widened and she slapped her hands over the grin spreading rapidly across her face. She closed my bedroom door, and I listened as her footsteps faded.
The giant purple dildo I'd been riding a moment before slipped from my hands, falling to the floor as I collapsed backwards onto the bed. Embarrassment coursed through me as I closed my eyes. I threw an arm over my heated face in an unsuccessful attempt to hide from myself.
She wasn't supposed to be home for another two hours. I tried to reason with myself that she hadn't seen anything, but I knew better. She wouldn't care; I'd walked in on her with men on the couch, the kitchen table, the hallway floor. But as a flush creeped across my skin, I wondered how much of a hassle it would be to find a new place to live.
***
"I don't know who's lonelier, you or your large purple friend," she said from her doorway once hunger prompted me to leave the safety of my room.
"I am not lonely!" I insisted.
Singleness was my jam. She, on the other hand, went through a different guy every other month. She regaled me with tales of her amorous adventures, and I occasionally accompanied her on a double date with one bland guy or another.
It was Saturday night, and she was headed out with her latest beau for a night of dancing and drinking. She'd asked me if I wanted to come, assuring me I was never a third wheel.
"Plus, I already invited our new neighbor to come with us. I told him you're cute and he's so much better looking than your purple cock."
"Fine," I said, letting the embarrassment wash over me and then trying to let it go.
She insisted on lending me an outfit for me for the evening. She told me the tiny skirt screamed, "I'm here to get laid." For her, I tried to convince myself I was comfortable with the look.
Socialization had never come naturally. For years the social scene existed in my life like any other experiment. Hypotheses ran through my head. Would I feel more connection to people if I engaged in more social media? Would I form more connections if I focused on open ended questions in my interactions? Despite meticulous thought about the variables and controls of my social experiments, I continued to fail at execution.
My roommate had plied me with shots last time I'd explained to her how I analyzed my failed dates. She knew I was hopeless and loved me anyway. I loved her for that.
***
Earlier in the week I'd wandered onto the seventh floor of the biotech firm where I work. I don't usually venture past floor six, but a walk was warranted because the water cooler was out of order.
Spreadsheets and calculations filled my head, despite my promise to myself that I was taking a break. Autopilot guided me toward the water cooler, and I saw nothing around me.
"Woah!" came from above as I barreled into a solid body blocking my way. Large hands caught my shoulders and stopped me from tipping over as I lost my balance and my train of thought.
A familiar voice cut through the equations in my head. Even before I brought my head up and saw the white lab coat and the shaggy hair, that voice sang to me of the past. Confusion engulfed me as my world shifted.
"It's you," I said incredulously, laughing in delight. "You left Phoenix?"
Phoenix had been a mess. He'd hated his job. Some desert dwelling dumpster bitch had broken his heart. It'd gotten so bad he'd refused to speak with anyone back home for months. He hadn't even told me he'd come back.
"I hated it there," he said, regret and anger flashing across his face before hiding behind an easy smile. "It was too hot."
"I can't believe you're here," I said.
"It's nice to be back on the East Coast, but I'm still getting my bearings." He removed his hands from my shoulders and walked with me to the water cooler.
We first met when he moved next door to me a long time back. We were fast friends and hung out together in all our free time. Sophomore year of college he'd switched majors and transferred to the same city as me. Now he worked at my company.
"Are you following me?" I asked him playfully.
"Yes," he said jokingly. "Yes, I am."
***
I stepped out of the apartment; more accurately, I stepped over and around the trail of cosmetics, g-strings, and stilettos and managed to escape the apartment unharmed. Wisps of aromatic steam still clung to my hair, meticulously blown out and styled into artful, messy waves. Before leaving the hall I gave myself one last look over.
In the mirror was a woman that I seldom saw. Black wings swept up from the corners of my eyes, transforming drab brown into smoldering hazel studded with flecks of gold. Lips covered in a bold purple matte curved up at one corner. Freed from its normal utilitarian ponytail, slashes of crimson gleamed amid flowing waves of chocolate and cinnamon.
Acknowledging the extra twenty pounds I'd put on since taking the lab tech job, I refused to dwell on the guilt, focusing instead on new curves. The sparkly tank, barely snug on my roommate, accentuated deep cleavage on the woman before me. The black leather skirt hugging my hips was nearly scandalous.
Overcoming social anxiety and a general disinterest in the bar scene took significant effort, but feeling a little sexy every now and then was worth it. Maybe she was right. Going out might be fun after all.
We walked down the hall to the corner apartment where my roommate rapped lightly on the door.
"One minute," came a familiar voice. I started laughing before he even opened the door. My roommate looked at me as if I'd blown a gasket.
"It's you," he said. He smiled and enveloped me in a giant hug. "Are you following me?"
"Yes, I am," I said, echoing his earlier words.
We laughed and my roommate stood patiently, awaiting an explanation. As he unfolded the winding road that had brought him into my life, I marveled at this man standing before me. No longer did I see the kid who had chased me through the halls of third grade with a worm on a stick. Nor the boy who'd studied long into the night with me.
There was a hint of sadness behind the easy banter he shared with my roommate. Was there regret hiding behind his eyes as they traveled over my body? I could only guess at the heartbreak that assaulted him in Phoenix. The man before me was changed, no longer the boy I'd befriended. Somehow, I needed to move on from that boy and become acquainted with the man.