It was a leap, a risk, an insane chancing gamble to fly to Hawaii. Would you be there? Would you even like me if you were? The nervous energy just about consumed me the whole way. My neighbor on the plane was ready to punch me for the way my leg wouldn't stop pumping up and down.
I'm not sure I took a single breath for the whole ride from the airport. The taxi driver chatted away, but I couldn't tell you a thing he said. I did manage to "uh huh" and "yep" from time to time. I may have agreed to a luau. Or a multi-level marketing demonstration. No idea.
But a key was waiting for me when I got to the front desk. And somehow, instead of making me more nervous, I relaxed. I sipped the welcome pineapple thing and laughed to myself - well at least they've considered how the guests will taste when they get down to what we're all here for.
The ride up the elevator was slow. Some fucking teenager pushed five buttons. I was ready to kill and it brought back the nervous excitement a bit. I think the other people riding up with me noticed my aggressive humming.
I probably stood in front of room 1446 for two minutes. Did we really just get one room? It seemed optimistic all of the sudden.
But I had nowhere else to go. And of course, I wanted to see you. I just... well, it was a leap.
I knocked twice, firmly, trying to convey a sense of confidence. Definitely more than I actually had.
You were quick to the door. I wondered if you'd been watching me standing there. The door opened just a crack.
I heard the voice I had become accustomed to - listening late at night, touching myself. It was familiar but not at all the same. More human, maybe? More solid. More real.
"Come on in," you said.
I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. The curtains at the far end were open and light filled the room and reflected off my glasses so that I couldn't quite see you. Just your outline.
And then. My eyes adjusted.
You were stunning.
I think my mouth must have fallen open because you laughed a bit - not mean. But like you found it sweet.
You wore nothing. Well, not nothing. You wore a lei. Purple orchids in a chain that fell half way down your breasts.
A vision. A fantasy.
Your hair, your beautiful soft hair, up in a messy pile with a comb.