Secrets Ch 46

46

Even just driving to work as a kind of tormenting agony. My day hasn't even started and I was already feeling completely lost in the teasing torment of my predicament. The clothes I was wearing seemed like such a thin disguise over what I was wearing and who I was beneath it. Collared, caged, dressed, pierced and marked. How was all this real? How was I supposed to go to work and be productive?

I was suspicious of every smile I received, even just walking in through the floor to my office. Had they noticed something about my walk? Were the nipple rings visible through my shirt? Had someone said something?

With Master having handed me over to Jane as my Mistress, I no longer felt responsible to log into the app -- more than that, I thought it would be inappropriate, given the spirit of the collar and my renewed commitment. Even so, as sure as I was about my decision, I still missed it. It filled a place in my mind, knowing I was being watched or observed, and that something might be demanded of me at any time. Every now and again I would find myself reaching for my phone, to look for messages that I knew weren't there.

As I'd suspected during the drive in, productivity was nearly impossible. I was able to concentrate on a work task for perhaps 20 minutes at a time, but then I'd shift in my seat and feel the plug, or I'd move in some small way and feel my shirt sliding against my sensitized nipples. My fingers would rise up, feeling the outline of the collar through my shirt.

When lunch finally approached, I imagined driving over to the gentlemen's club and showing Dexter what had happened to me. I found myself imagining the taste and feel of his cock in my mouth, perhaps while he used me in full display of whomever else there might wish to watch, perhaps even lining up for their own turns with me. My imagination kept getting away from me, leaving me aching in the cage, leaking and throbbing. I decided that a walk and some fresh air might do me some good.

I was almost immediately proved wrong, however. The fresh air, hitting me as soon as I hit the sidewalk, was very refreshing, but the act of walking seemed to activate my mind to the sensation of the plug inside my ass. With every stride I felt it inside me, stretching me, tight inside me with its shape keeping it oh so secure and in place. I kept walking, masochistically tormenting myself as I did, feeling the buzz in my mind growing and growing.

I did a circuit around the block, as giving myself a goal or plan seemed to help. I was nearly back at the office when I saw Richard, the lawyer, leaning against a lamppost, smoking. For a moment, I thought about just walking by, trying to hide, or turning around to find another route back to work, but while I was trying to decide he raised his eyes and saw me. He smiled and reached into his jacket pocket to pull out his pack of cigarettes. He offered me one and I accepted it. He leaned in to light it for me, then lit another for himself.

"I keep hoping I'll see you around on one of my breaks," he said.

"Really?"

"Oh yes. I won't pretend that I didn't quite enjoy our last lunchtime rendezvous together."

"Thank you, Sir," I blushed.

"I thought that you might even use my card and give me a call, if your hunger got strong enough. Since you haven't yet, I assume you're being well taken care of."

"I have been, Sir. Quite well," I answered, and even as I did so, I could feel my eyes glaze over with the memories and my current sensations.

"Sounds like you've got stories to tell, slut," he laughed.

"I guess so, Sir. The short version is that I got to meet my online Master in person, and it turned out that he was the husband of my wife's best friend. While all this was going on, she, or both of them, were encouraging my wife to explore her own desires as well. She's decided that she was interested in being a Mistress to me while keeping me in chastity and cuckolding me."

Richard's eyes widened, and he looked me slowly up and down.

"Wow, that is quite something. You're a fortunate man. It seems like all your dreams are coming true."

"Yes, Sir, I am, and I think they are," I answered.

"You sound like you're almost going to add a 'but' at the end of that."

"It's... it's just that it's harder than I imagined, Sir."

"Harder?"

"More real. More constant. When all this was something that I did when I was alone, it was more like a game. Even though I was submissive, I could start and stop when I wanted."

He laughed.

"Poor little slut. Now you're locked in a cage for real, and you don't get to unlock it whenever you feel like it? Surely your online Master wasn't as lenient as that."

"He wasn't, but even with him, when there was a secret to keep, he'd let me out, or let me 'normal' when he knew that I'd be discovered otherwise," I explained. "It's not that I'm regretting any of this, because I'm not and it feels amazing. It's just that I didn't really understand how overwhelming it would all feel. It's driving me crazy."

"Let me guess. She's got you teased right now, doesn't she?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Tell me everything."

"I'm caged, Sir, and she holds the key. I'm only allowed to wear panties now -- no men's underwear ever anymore -- and now dressed in stockings as well. She has locked a collar around my neck. She's pierced my nipples, and she had me tattooed. I am also plugged, Sir."

"I am impressed. No wonder you're having a hard time thinking about anything other than that," he said. "Does she let you fuck her at all?"

"No, Sir," I answered, but then felt compelled to go even further. "She told me that I'll never have sex with her again, or any woman, Sir."

Confessing that humiliating truth made me blush, but it also thrilled me. Just saying the words out loud was yet another admission of how fully I was owned, and how I'd comply with just about anything she wanted. If it pleased her to emasculate me and transition my sex life to involve only men, then it made me a leaking, happy mess to choose to comply with that desire.

"I can't help but notice that you report that she said no more sex with women. She liked the idea of you with men then?"

"Yes, Sir. She seems to."

"Lucky for you then. She might just have easily denied you any sex at all."

"Yes, Sir."

"It's funny isn't it? I'm guessing a guy like you probably thought of himself as 100% straight, and not even that long ago. Then, because it seemed like a sexy tease, you put on a pair of panties for some online Dominant because they told you to, and you wanted to please them because that made you feel good. You probably didn't think anything of it, but next you were dressing in nylons, or taking photos sucking a dildo, or putting toys in your ass. It just kept on feeling good, so you kept doing it."

I took a long drag from the cigarette, as I stood there, wondering how he could see so completely into my soul.

"Before you knew it, you were probably looking for new people to 'order' you to do the things that you'd come to crave. You maybe didn't even notice at first that you no longer cared if it was a woman or a man taking control of you. You started crossing mental thresholds that you were sure you never would. Sucking the dildo used to be about your humiliation, but then it started changing, and you started wondering what a real cock would taste like. The taboo took hold, and you started actually preferring it when men were dominating you. They were the ones with the cocks, after all. It took a while, and there were so many steps that they may have been imperceptible to you, but at the end of the day, this formally straight man is dreaming about sucking cock, again and again, all day long. Does that sound familiar?"

"Yes, Sir," I answered, barely above a whisper.

"Even now, I'll bet that the whole time I've been talking, you've been squeezing that plug in your ass tightly, and remembering just how close my place is, and how my cock felt in your drooling mouth. But you belong to your wife now, and she owns your holes -- that plugged sissy pussy, and that cocksucking mouth of yours. Do you have it in you to confess to her how much you want to feel a load of cum on your tongue?"

I couldn't quite answer that, at least not at that moment.

"Maybe you're still trying to accept it yourself yet," he said, watching my silence. "Try just telling me what you're thinking about and desiring. Just between us."

"I... I want to be back in your apartment, Sir. I want to be kneeling in front of you and I want to be kissing and licking and sucking your cock. I want to feel you get hard in my mouth. I... I want to feel you take me and feed me your cum, Sir. I want it in my mouth, in my ass, and all over my face, Sir."

"You don't seem like you're going to miss having sex with women that much, slut. Even your fantasies have moved on. When was the last time you were even near a woman, sexually?"

"My wife... she still lets me go down on her, Sir."

"Using your mouth on her too. Good practice for your tongue."

"She... she has also been with another man, while I was close, Sir... if that is what you mean by near her."

"I'm really starting to like your wife, slut," he laughed. "Those balls of yours must be getting pretty blue by now. All this thinking about your needs and hunger, and there's not a thing you can do about it. I'm sure you're heading back to work now, to try to make it through the rest of the day pretending to be a normal man. I want you to do one thing for me, before you sit back down at your desk."

"What is that, Sir?"

"I want you to go into one of the toilet stalls, pull down your pants and cup your balls in your hand. Feel how full and swollen they are getting, and understand how their ache is tormenting you. Then I want you to squeeze them, harder and harder, until you think you can't take it any more. Hold that pressure for a count of ten, then you can let go and continue on. If you've been turned into a pussy free cuckold by your wife, and you're never going to stick your little cock inside a woman ever again, I want you to start wondering why you even have balls. All your future orgasms are going to come from being fucked, by toys or by men, if you're brave enough to beg for it. Maybe you would be better off as a completely emasculated sissy. Think about it, slut."

Without another word, he stamped his cigarette out on the sidewalk, turned, and walked away, quickly disappearing into the crowd of office-dwellers finishing up their own lunch breaks.

I walked back to work, not fully deciding to obey his request but just doing so. I stepped into the relative privacy of a toilet stall and dropped my pants. I reached into my panties and cupped my smooth, warm, full balls in my hand. They felt heavy and swollen. I took a deep breath and began to tighten my grip, feeling that ache increase quickly, until it became real, palpable pain. What was he suggesting? Neutering me? Making me some kind of eunuch?

I felt like I was about to have to moan out loud, so I stopped adding pressure. Even with the pain of what I was doing to myself, with no one to see or know, I obediently counted to ten before releasing my grip. I got myself dressed again and made my way to my office.

Looking back, it was foolish to have thought that the ache would stop once I had stopped squeezing my balls. That ten-count left me feeling a deep, throbbing ache in my panties for hours, only adding to the constant flood of sensations my body was giving me, distracting me from everything that I was supposed to be thinking about and doing. In a weak moment, I actually took out my phone to search out information on castration -- or orchiectomy -- and was surprised to find out just how much information was available, making it seem almost normal or common.

It seemed like I could expect to have a reduced sex drive and far fewer erections - but it seemed like I would still be able to achieve orgasm. When I started reading about some of the other changes that I could come to expect once I no longer had testicles to produce male hormones, I made myself put the phone down. Just what was I thinking?

By the time the end of the day finally arrived, I felt frazzled and tired. I was so eager to get home, even though I had no guarantee that a change of location would provide me with any relief. At least I wouldn't have to be trying to work while enduring all the physical sensations and mental torment.

I had left work as quickly as I could, so I was not surprised to arrive home before Jane. Remembering that my dress code wasn't set by day but instead forbade me from wearing men's clothing unless I had to go out in public, I went upstairs to change. I stripped down to my panties and stockings, then pulled on the dress and apron from one of the maid's uniforms. My balls still ached, my ass felt so full, and there was a significant wet stain in my panties, betraying that I'd been leaking all day.

My collar and nipple piercings were no longer hidden away, which felt scary, but good as well. I still felt nervous, going downstairs and walking around the house dressed in that way, but it was thrilling too. I eagerly anticipated Jane's smile at seeing me, but I also felt a touch of terror every time I walked near a street-facing window.

I distracted myself, as best I could, by making dinner and ensuring that the house was neat and tidy. As I had noted to myself before, I was again reminded that my new regular and ongoing attentiveness to the state of the house's cleanliness meant that it required very little effort each day. I readied a simple dinner of pasta and salad, put a loaf of bar-baked bread in the oven, and even chilled a bottle of white wine.

When she finally arrived home, I felt as though I had forgotten how beautiful she was. My love and desire for her seemed to crest, making me throb internally all the more.

"Welcome home, Mistress," I said.

"Isn't this a lovely way to arrive home," she said with a smile.

I welcomed her in and got her settled in the living room, then brought her a glass of wine.

"Oh, this just keeps getting better," she laughed. "Wine, the smell of dinner cooking, and my own slutty little maid waiting for me. How about you bend over quickly, and show me that you've still got that slutty ass of yours plugged full."

"Yes, Mistress."

Somehow her frankness still found a way to embarrass me, and I felt my face warm as I turned my back to her, bent forward at the waist, and reached back to hike up the back of my skirt. With my other hand, I tugged the back of my panties down and then held my position as she inspected me. I moaned as she reached forward and prodded the base of the toy, making it move slightly inside me.

"How did it feel today, with this perverted thing inside you the whole time?"

"It was very distracting, Mistress. I could barely think of anything else. It was very hard to get any work done."

"I'll bet," she said, still not giving me permission to move from position. "And how about your nipple rings, or the collar? Anyone get a glimpse of your secrets?"

"I don't think so, Mistress. Everything was pretty covered up all day."

"None of them get to know the real you. Well, almost none of them, I guess. You've given Alex a bit of a hint, haven't you?"

"Yes, Mistress. I have."

"Even so, he might be surprised by how far you've gone, even since then. I am so looking forward to showing off your tattoos."

"Oh god, to him, Mistress?"

"I'm sure he'd love to see them, honey. I wonder if he'd be interested in getting a good look at that tramp stamp while fucking you? He might be a bit too straight and narrow to take you that far, but one never knows."

She tapped and prodded the plug a couple more times, then told me I could stand up and put myself together again. The blush lingered as I pulled my panties back up and adjusted myself, then turned to face her again.

"How was today really? Can you imagine this as your new normal?"

"Would you really want me like that at work all the time, Mistress?"

"That depends on what you mean. Of course you're going to be collared all the time now. At work and everywhere else. Your tattoos aren't going anywhere, and I think you're going to really love the piercings too. Panties, yes, of course -- you know that those are the only underwear you're allowed now, and I also think that stockings will be much prettier for you to wear that boring old socks. Are you just asking about the plug then?"

"I suppose so, Mistress. It's... it's... so constant. It's driving me crazy. I've been aching and leaking and throbbing all day."

"It makes you want to cum?"

"Yes, Mistress. It's constantly teasing me, with every step I take, or every time I sit down, or move in a chair. I just feel it inside me, teasing me, tormenting me. And I can't do anything. I can't touch or stroke, or get any relief. It just builds up with nowhere to go."

"You poor thing," she smiled. "Let me think about that. I hope you can wait to talk more about your needs until after we eat. The smells have been making me hungry since I got home."

"Of course, Mistress."

With everything else prepared, I just had to drop the pasta in boiling water and within 10 minutes, I was setting out the food on the table. She seemed to effortlessly slip into normalcy, as though we were just a normal married couple sharing dinner at the end of the work day, seemingly not noticing that her husband was dressed in a slutty maid's uniform. I contributed as I could, finding some bits of interest about the day to share that were not related to my lust or kinks.

The dinner was quite good and she appreciated it and complimented me on it. Despite everything else, it still felt wonderful to be able to serve her and make her happy. I rose and started to clear the table and clean up. I didn't really notice that she'd gotten up and followed me into the kitchen.

"So, it is just about not being able to cum? Is that what aches?"

"It's hard even for me to understand, Mistress. I don't know that I've ever felt so totally overwhelmed like this. I suppose that yes, when I've gotten this horny or pent up in the past, I would have just jerked off, to ease that pressure."

"It's funny. When I was thinking about your predicament during dinner, I was thinking about asking you what you'd give me, in exchange for permission to cum, but then I realized that I don't really need to bargain with you like that. You'd do whatever I wanted, even without that kind of trade, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, Mistress, I suppose that I would."

"It really leaves you in quite a state. You can ask and you can beg, but you've given away all your bargaining chips."

"Yes, Mistress," I answered, feeling very helpless.

"I realized, eventually, that you do still have something to offer."

"What is that, Mistress?"

"I want to know your thoughts. I want to know your fantasies and your dreams."

"You do?" I asked, surprised she would even entertain any thought of my desires.

"I do. How else can I really know what to give you and what to deny you, to really own you completely. For example, do you still desire me?"

She leaned back against the counter and started to unbutton her blouse. With agonizing patience, she opened it up, revealing the exquisite black lace bra that was cradling her breasts.

"Very much so, Mistress," I answered, my trapped cock throbbing in its cage confirming my words to myself.

She tugged her blouse out of her skirt and opened it wide.

"You still want to fuck me, even though you know you're not allowed?"

"Yes, Mistress," I moaned.

She reached to her hip and unzipped her skirt, then let it fall to the floor at her feet, revealing matching panties and thigh high stockings.

"Do you think that I was kidding before, or exaggerating, when I said you'd never fuck me, or any other woman, ever again?"