You had been blushing and stuttering around my flatmate for weeks when I invited you to come to our house party. I don't know if you looked more grateful then, or when she finally talked to you and told you to go upstairs and wait for her.
I find you in the bedroom, looking sheepish next to a chest of drawers.
"What are you doing in my room?" I ask as I close the door. "Can I help you find something?"
My flatmate is blonde and willowy and, you suspect, out of your league. I am none of these things, but I am on home ground.
You talk apologetically, without making much sense or impression.
"Perhaps you can help me," I say, gently ushering you backwards so that you're sitting on the bed. "Perhaps we can help each other."
I pull out one of the drawers and place it beside you. It contains a pile of underwear. You open your mouth to talk, possibly to explain why you're here, possibly to say there has been a mistake, possibly to deny that you're a panty thief.
I select a pair of peach-coloured satin boyshorts and place them on your lap. You flush. More usefully, you start to swell.