"What have you been measuring?" She asked me innocently.
I felt my heart sink down into my stomach, my skin already prickling with embarrassment. Of course, I already knew what she was talking about. I could already clearly picture what I would see if I were to turn around. Tess lying sprawled on the bed where she had thrown herself, tired from a days work, with her bag dumped unceremoniously on the floor. Her long, pale fingers would be tracing along the edge of the cheap plastic ruler which I had hidden half-heartedly beneath my pillow.
As I turned around, I found that I was exactly on the mark, her lips turned into an almost invisible small, knowing smile. The ruler was a cheap, six-inch ruler, plastic and transparent, the find you could find in any stationary kit. I think it had even been Tess herself who had bought it for me, part of a small series of joke presents to see me off to university a year before she would join me. I'd been rummaging through some old boxes hidden underneath my bed when I had stumbled across it and, as every man does at some point, decided to measure my cock.
I'd always known I had nothing to be especially proud of, however, once I had coaxed an excited erection and finally seen my actual number, my reaction had been one I couldn't have predicted.
It had turned me on. It had turned me on so much that I had only been masturbating for less than a minute before I experienced an orgasm so powerful that I was almost paralysed with the rush of it. Over the last few weeks, I had quickly discovered a widely known fetish of small penis humiliation and cuckolding on the internet and lost myself in fantasies which left me shaking. I would regularly measure myself as I watched porn, comparing myself to the hung men and examining the women's reactions as they were taken by a stallion, knowing I couldn't provide the same experience.
In truth, I had always been a bit defensive about my cock size. I avoided going swimming or doing sports where I might have to shower there. Even at the gym I would always return home to shower alone, which I knew gave the game away but at least I wasn't there to experience the embarrassment. Tess knew to avoid the subject, although I did occasionally catch a veiled joke and wonder whether she was referencing my size. Such comments would play on me and we would row about it once it had taken hold in my head.
All of which made my recent reactions all the more puzzling. I didn't want Tess to find out I had been looking at these fetish websites though, I wasn't ready to share with her and didn't want her to think I was some kind of sexual delinquent.
Tess was my long-term girlfriend. In many ways we were the perfect romance, nervously holding hands in the schoolyard and eventually becoming partners so long ago neither of us could really remember when. She was tall and slim, with small pert breasts and a perfectly round ass which never failed to turn me on. Tess always died her hair a very dark shade of red which matched perfectly with her light blue eyes and definitely got her some attention from men. Something I usually detested, but recently had even found a turn on.
I realised that I was taking too long to answer her. I tried to force my mind to come up with a reason I would have a ruler hidden in my bed which didn't lead to the eventual question: "Why were you measuring yourself."
"Oh, I was looking through some old boxes and it must have fallen out." I eventually stammered, already knowing the lie was too weak and too late to even be partway convincing. Tess, to her credit, managed to avoid rolling her eyes.
In fact, she didn't say anything. However, I didn't miss the way that her eyes lingered on the ruler for several more seconds and with a rush I realised what she was doing.
She was measuring me up! My arousal was immediate and inescapable, filling my skin with electricity. I felt my arousal taking over my body, forcing me towards something which I had been fantasising about for weeks and yet filled me with dread every time I even considered bringing it up with her.
Still making my mind up, I went over and plonked myself on the bed next to her and poked her playfully.
"Hey, I know what you're doing!" I said with mock-anger.
Tess' eyes were wide as they looked around, probably expecting me to fly off the handle but I smiled and she grinned back at me.
"Nothing!" She answered, then very obviously returning her eyes to the ruler.
I felt another surge of arousal, my cock hardening and I knew I was about to do it. I wouldn't be able to help myself, I realised and in that moment I wanted nothing more than the female-led relationships which I had become obsessed with.
"You were measuring me up!" I said, poking her again playfully, making her jerk away with a laugh.
"I was not." She said, a little breathless as she sat back up against the headboard. Her flush gave her away though, as though she had thought she had over stepped the mark. I noticed however, that she was still holding the ruler.
"What do you rate me? Be honest."
Tess shrugged and looked back at the ruler. She was still a little flushed and I noticed that she was no longer trying to hide the fact that she was mentally comparing my cock to the ruler.
"I don't know", she said slowly.
"Do you know what the average is?" I asked, part of my mind still fighting against the impulse to say the words.
Tess smiled. "Umm...isn't it like...between six or seven inches?"
I felt a twinge of horror go through me at that. Not only was she a little over what the actual average was, I felt like I was about to make a very definite step towards a lifestyle which I still didn't know a lot about. The ruler itself was only six inches long and I hadn't gone the entire length of even that! I knew the magnitude of what I was pushing her towards and I knew that I wouldn't be able to take it back once I had confessed.
Eventually, I made my mind up and committed to it, I wasn't really able to stop myself. "Something like that, yeah."
Tess laughed out loud suddenly. "I can't believe we're even having this conversation."
