What is self worth? I suppose some people would say it's respecting oneself by any means possible, to let no other control you. But what if some people need to be controlled? Like me.
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A wise man once said, "Bring your desires down to your present means. Increase them only when your increased means permit." Well fuck, Aristotle. Why could no one sate my desires? Even the smallest ones?
As a college student, it goes unspoken that I had attended many parties and experimented with almost everything. That's what college is supposed to be. Well at least it was, then. Yet, I was unsatisfied with any man or woman who touched my body. Until I met Him, again. We had a history, one that needn't be spoken of ever again. Though, it was hard to forget.
The attraction I had towards Him was insatiable, and always had been. Many times when I was with another, I would pretend it was He who was touching me, going for that sweet spot or slipping his fingers into my dripping cunt, that was only dripping because of the thought of His touch. Some of the encounters went very awry.
"Tell me how bad you want it, baby!" a young college stud, Brad, told me.
"Uh! Bad! Please! Make me... cum!" I knew it was hopeless, but I had faked many orgasms with this one, he never knew the difference, until He accidentally slipped into my thoughts. I was overwhelmed with passion, "OH FUCK! EZRA!" and I came.
"Who the fuck is Ezra?!" Brad yelled as he ripped his cock from my cunt, my juices still spilt from me and onto my bed. The argument that ensued was, non violent but very loud. Brad and I still haven't talked to this day.
But being nineteen isn't so easy when you think about it. When you look like me, with shoulder length black hair, not the trashy looking kind; brilliant blue eyes; a little on the unfit side but not fat; and a bit petite, which is an understatement, things can get pretty fucked up. Especially with a mouth like mine. Spitfire. That's what some of the boys who tried to control me called me. I wanted to be controlled, dominated. Only one person could do that. Ezra.
Needless to say when I walked into my favorite coffee shop off campus and saw Him sitting there reading book and drinking a coffee I froze. People shoved me out of the doorway with a few remarks along the lines of, "What the fuck is your problem!?" and "Get out of the doorway!" I hated that I'd caused a commotion, because he looked up and met my eye immediately. 'Don't freak out. Drop His gaze! DROP HIS FUCKING GAZE!' No such luck for me, he motioned me over with a slight smirk on his face. In a last ditch effort of defiance, I motioned to the counter, hoping that he'd tell me no, so I could do it anyways, without the permission I so desperately needed. He nodded. 'Fuck.' I took my time getting my coffee and muffin, trying to calm my nerves, recovering from the sight of Him. My shirt was all the sudden too revealing, and my skirt too short, and my g-string too uncomfortable. The sight of Him looking at me making moisture flood between my legs. I repressed a moan and finally tried to saunter casually over to the table without arousing myself anymore. Slipping on a small smile I stood beside the table. He motioned for me to sit. I sat.
"It has been a while dear, Kadance." Ezra spoke, not looking up from his book. I swallowed hard while trying to find an appropriate response. "Speak freely."