Remote Control Pies

So every once in a while I wind up with a boyfriend; I'm not perpetually single. And we usually hit it off for a while and then either my craziness or his personality problems break us apart.

So I was seeing Glenn. Tall, dark, handsome, and with a wicked streak that appealed to me at the time. (OK, most times!) Glenn did sound for the studios, so he was into all sorts of high tech gadgets and whatever was the latest and greatest. Well, being two red-blooded American 20 somethings, after sex one night we got into a tickle fight. Look, I'm a scrapper. But I'm 5'8" and Glenn's like 6'3". So he's holding me down with his legs and just tickling the hell out of my very ticklish feet, and I'm begging him to stop.

"You want me to stop? What will you give me?"

Between laughing I blurt out, "a blow job".

"Nah, I just had some really good sex, I don't need a blow job."

"A massage, what do you want?"

"Nah, feeling pretty relaxed, don't need a massage."

I then did that stupid thing that a lot of girls do, I said, "Anything! I'll give you anything, just please stop it!"

Calm as a cucumber he says, "You sure? Anything?"

"Yes, yes, anything, just stop."

And so he stopped. After I caught my breath, I climbed on top of him ready to give him another fantastic fuck, but he stood up and gently put me back down on the couch. "Oh no", he says. "I'm collecting at some time in the future." And with me naked and ready, he calmly got dressed and left after giving me a little kiss on top of my head.

Well, I was pretty mad, and definitely in need of a good fucking (and the latex ones just weren't doing the trick). But he sent me flowers and came over the next night and really gave me the attention I was looking for, so all was forgiven and honestly forgotten. It was like three weeks later that one of Glenn's friends calls me out of the blue. Seems he was having this crazy auction where people got to pie "celebrities". It was for a children's hospital, so I didn't think I could say no. Besides, what's it to me? It's another Thursday night.

So Glenn and I are going to go to the fundraiser. I wear a nice light dress, but I've got one of my costumes from The History of Slapstick - a semi-documentary that I had "starred" in - for the pieing. The "victims" are really minor celebrities, like the head of the hospital, an alderman, some semi-professional girls' soccer coach. Look, it's not a lot of the time that a has-been like me is top billing. So they ask me during the function. I'm going to be last. Would I be willing to take more than one pie hit? Sure! Once you've taken one, you still need the same shower. Great! OK, that "great" was a little too enthusiastic.

Yeah, that's when Glenn tells me he's going to collect. Collect on what I'm thinking and he reminds me about the tickle fight. Oops! Well, I have never EVER welshed on a bet and I did say I would do anything, but this is a respectable event. He assures me, that the bet was just between him and I, and the debt would be just between him and I. No streaking the hospital fund raiser.

So here's what he wants (insists) me to do: He has this new toy, a little egg shaped vibrator. Small but powerful. He wants me to have it in me while I'm on stage getting hit with pies. Now he knows; I'm warped. I get turned on when people hit me with food. Chances are, depending on how many pies they hit me with, I could go over the edge with this egg playing with my internal buttons. Clearly, this is what he's hoping for.

So I go back stage to change into my outfit, and he comes with. Not that he thinks I wouldn't do it; he just wants to make sure it is placed as strategically as possible. Yeah, the part he didn't tell me about - apparently he can control it from his phone. He plays with the intensity a little, just 'cause, and I go out onto stage.

Now I rarely wear underwear, but this seemed like such a classy event, that I did tonight. All the better for Glenn's plan because my thong was holding the egg right where he wanted it. There's seven of us up on stage, and he's got it set low. Still, this was a powerful little vibe and even on low, it's starting to have an effect. OK, the whole knowing I have a vibrator in me in public, on stage, and Glenn is going to control how fast or slow it buzzes? Of course the whole situation had me practically creaming my thong.

Look, honestly, I could describe how the other six people got pied, but it was pretty boring. They were old, the people who pied them were older, and not very original. There were three face pies, two near misses (because the target turned and only got hit in the side of the face), and one plopped on top of the head. I glanced over at the table that held the pies, and there were still a lot left. I was starting to understand that I had been had. Glenn set the whole thing up, knowing I couldn't resist helping kids, knowing I wouldn't back out of the bet, and knowing that I was in for some serious embarrassment if we got found out.

So the idea is this is an auction with people bidding to be the ones to pie us. So the others have left the stage and there's me, all Slapstick-y in a white sun dress with ruffles at the bottom and on the sleeves, you know - looking innocent. Honestly, I questioned whether or not anyone in the audience really knew who I was. They seemed kind of stiff. The emcee starts the bidding, and there's some polite bidding going on in the crowd. But with the lights as they were. I'm looking out into nothing - no chance I can see who's who out there. Turns out the guy who bids the highest is Glenn's friend who asked me to do the event. OK, he's generally my age, and kind of cute. (Remember, I'm warped. I'm not really in this to make money for the charity.) Honestly, I don't even remember what he bid.

So he comes bounding up on stage, passes the table with the pies and steps right up to me. He whispers in my ear, "Glenn said I get to hit you as hard as I want and I don't think he meant with the pie." Well, no one heard him but me but I play it up and give the little hand over my mouth, "Oh my!" Look, they were old, but so's slapstick. They got it.

He takes his time and picks the biggest pie left on the table. Just as he starts to pick it up, I feel the egg inside me start to buzz, harder. I think I shivered or something because the emcee looked at me with a touch of concern. I gave her an OK sign and smiled at my tormentor. "And what pose would the nice gentlemen like me in?" I said as coquettishly as I could.

"Hmm," he started. Then he plastered me with the pie. OK, I know I'm supposed to be a pro at this, but he really caught me off guard. I barely stayed standing up. The mood in the room changed, too. The folks in the crowd were good people. They saw this as a man bullying a little girl and they weren't too pleased.

I needed to do something fast, but that damn vibe was distracting me. A little too late, I stabilized myself and said, "Ah, you hit like a little girl!" and I stuck my tongue out at him. Now, I'm buried in chocolate cream here and sticking my tongue out. Fortunately, my tongue must have made it all the way through because the audience did start to laugh. That little mood killer was averted.

I wiped my eyes clear when the emcee asked the audience if they really cared about the children's hospital or not. Of course they started clapping, and she asked if anyone would be willing to pay to pie me again, "properly this time". I have no idea what she or these folks meant by properly, but apparently they all had some ideas, because the bidding was far more aggressive than my first hit.

Back and forth they went until I think it was about $900. This kind of stodgy looking older guy comes up, like a banker from an old time movie. He even had the bushy mustache, and I expected him to start twirling it. Anyway, he was a lot more fun than I ever would have guessed. He looks at the pie table and then looks at me. "Do you like cherry, my dear?"

Now normally I can't pass up an opportunity to talk about cherries in public or perhaps just my lack of one, but by then my whole middle section was vibrating in a compromising way, and I only got out "Uh-huh." So he picked up this cherry and whipped cream pie and comes at me. I managed not to cower away from him, though for some reason I almost did. Then he takes my hand and kisses it. Damn, a gentleman about to cream me with a pie. Sure enough, as soon as he fully straightened up from kissing my hand he nails me right in the face. I feel the crust breaking, and then he swoops the pie up and into my hair. I hate when they know to do that! It takes forever to wash cherries out of my hair.

Maybe it was the vibrator working away at me, or maybe it was his mix of gentlemanly and aggressive, but I was like falling for this old guy. I leaned forward to give him a kiss, and he gave me a little peck on the lips. I still haven't figured out who that guy was, but he could be my sugar daddy anytime he wanted!

The crowd was getting into this now, and the emcee offered two pies to nail me with. More bidding, and Glenn turns the vibe up again. I'm starting to think how many settings does this thing have, because we must have gone through at least five already and it feels like he's turned it up to 11. I keep looking at the emcee, because I'm sure she's going to start hearing it.

This heavy set lady comes up to the stage, and I'm thinking, OK, she has to be careful not to get pie on that dress. Yeah - I'm kind of stupid. She comes over to me and says, "You're such a tall young lady, I won't be able to reach. Could you please kneel down?" I'm the clown at this party; what am I going to say, no?

So I've still got chocolate and cherry all over my face. I've cleared my eyes, but if you've ever been hit by big pies, it's not like I could really see. As I kneel down, Glenn turns it up again. I almost fell over. Look, I guess it wasn't really all that powerful a vibrator, but it has been in me for some time now. It must have had different modes, because I wasn't getting used to its vibration. I think that was part of it. Every time he turned it up, he altered the way it was buzzing so it was a different experience and I couldn't just handle it. Well, that and I kneeled right in some of the chocolate pie that had fallen off my face.

So I'm trying to modulate my breathing so I don't cum in front of all these people. The whole kneeling thing wasn't helping, because it's got to be clear by now that I'm pretty submissive. I'm looking up at this woman thinking she is exactly the kind of woman the Three Stooges would have pied. Heavy set, elegant dress, looks kind of superior.

Yeah - she didn't just hit me with two pies, she sandwiched my head between them. I think one was lemon and one was custard, but all I felt was a mass of cream and "pudding" engulf my whole head. I don't know how she did it, but I'm pretty sure she got away perfectly clean. Not that I could really see right now.

I was so close to an orgasm, that I used my hands to steady myself in the kneeling position. The emcee came over to help me up, which was really not what I wanted. My knees were turning to jello and my body was starting to tell me it was time to just cum already. I was pretty sure it was going to go ahead with or without me pretty soon.

So back on my feet, the emcee says, this is the last one. I'm standing there practically doing a pee-pee dance because I'm so close to cumming, but I'm determined not to orgasm on stage. I never ever really cleared my eyes, just the bare minimum. But the bidding is taking too long. The numbers are going up and up, but I need them to hit me with a pie and let me get out of here. But no, it keeps dragging on.

Just about the time I'm wondering how I can just cum without falling over on stage, the bidding is over, but the guy's kind of old, so he's taking forever to get on the stage. I'm sure time was not really going as slow as it felt, but I was getting desperate. By the time he is on stage and comes over to me, I'm ready to take a header into the pie and rush off stage. This guy was just so old and so sweet, he hands me the pie and says, "I want you to pie yourself. I'm sure you're better at it than I am."

My hands were literally trembling when I took the pie from him. He backed off a few feet to see what I would do. My pussy was screaming to let her go off, and I knew Glenn was going to really push the little vibrator into its most powerful mode as soon as I started to move. I was not making it off this stage without an orgasm.

So I casually (I hope it was casually) put this big custard pie down on the floor of the stage, smiled at the audience, smiled at the old man, and promptly did the splits right into the pie. Sure enough, just as I was moving downward, Glenn hit the rocket booster on the vibrator. By the time my crotch hit the pie, I was already cumming. The only reason I didn't scream was I was biting my lip. This had been almost an hour of pent up stimulation, and God help me but it felt great. It sure didn't hurt that the impact of the pie and the splits jammed that vibe up into me harder. The vibrations, the impact, the mess, the attention; this was one of the best orgasms I've ever had, and it was wildly public.

I managed a bit of a "ta-da" as I hit, but then needed my hands to steady me. Applause broke out throughout the little theater and Glenn bounded up on stage to help me stand. It was a good thing he did because my legs were so noodle-y from cumming that I never could have gotten up on my own. The emcee gave a "good night everybody" to the crowd and the curtains closed. I leaned in on Glenn, thoroughly messing his sport coat, as I bore down on that little vibrator. That's when I realized, I hadn't cum, I was still cumming. I bit him through his jacket and he felt it. The emcee asked if I was alright and Glenn said, "She's just a little light headed; she's good." I don't think she believed him, so I gave her a thumbs up as I shuddered again. She wasn't stupid enough to think nothing was going on, but I can't believe she knew what was really happening.

Glenn helped me off the stage to the little dressing room, where he fucked the shit out of me. I swear, I think I was cumming from the moment I started moving into the splits until three or four minutes later when he ripped the vibe out of me and replaced it with his cock. Well, certainly for a little longer than that too.

So, I have Glenn to thank for the longest orgasm of my life. He's not in my life any more, but I held onto that little vibrator. Man that thing is powerful, in all the right ways!