After a long and virtuous engagement, our Wedding Day is nearly here. It's been a long day of dreading the rehearsal, especially the Rehearsal Dinner. Lots of pressure to be on our best behavior, especially in front of all our extended family. And friends of each of us. They're all quite different. It's been something of a nightmare for us, leading up to this point. I mean, my family is extremely straight-laced. Jen's, not so much uptight about sex as they are about career success... to a fault. Anything that impedes a quick ascent to the top, to the corner office, so to speak, is expendable and should be excised, no matter your sentimental attachments.
So her family has been chomping at the bit to get on with things, a short engagement, a small wedding so as to save our money for more practical things that will advance our careers, like a lake house when we can afford it, and hosting parties -- you know, where you have to pay a featured celebrity to come and act like your former high school boyfriend or girlfriend, right? So today's extravagant wedding was exactly opposite of what her parents wanted to spend (waste) their money on. But Jen always manages to get her way, and her parents have no one to blame but themselves for raising her to do so. So they caved, and they spent, spent, and spent some more.
Even paying for our honeymoon trip to an obscure island retreat.
The long overnight flight would pretty much ensure one thing: There would be no Wedding Night fucking. And after the long engagement (to satisfy my parents), our Wedding Night would be a rocky -- ie, hard as a rock -- disappointment. Especially for me. But Jen promised it would all be worth it. That's what she says about everything. Delayed gratification is the key to success, she says. Just as her parents taught her to say. It kept her virginity (and mine), didn't it? And considering she was the hottest cheerleader and class valedictorian, I would have to agree. She knows how to get things accomplished, even sacrificing desire as necessary -- her desires or mine.
So I can imagine flying through the night, only able to hold hands on her father's corporate plane -- it's too small and intimate, with too many of his staff waiting on us hand and foot. We would kiss... if we had a chance. Attendants would undoubtedly keep coming at just the very wrong times. And for sure, I will have to minimize those intimate moments, as my encased penis will be continuing to drive me crazy, til we arrive and my bride can do the honors, so to speak.
Yes, encased.
The very night I had proposed to Jen, her parents -- especially her mom -- had prepared her well. When I (thought I) surprised her with a small box containing an efficiently small diamond engagement ring, Jen surprised me right back, producing a git-wrapped box with an efficiently-small plastic device from her purse. It had to go both ways, she said. If I was to expect her to say 'yes' to my proposal, then I also would have to say 'yes' to her proposal. It was "for our own good". Remember, delayed gratification is the key to success. So what else could I do?
And we were officially then engaged.
She immediately called her mom. "We're engaged. He said 'yes'!". And her mom couldn't have been happier. Her dad? Well, maybe notsomuch, but glad to see his daughter and wife happy, even excited. Jen told me later that it sparked a reenactment that night, of their own engagement-proposal many many years ago.
And so the engagement had begun for us. Jen's girlfriends were all abuzz about it too. They had previously given me the cold-shoulder anytime they were (had to be) around me. They kind of even treated me like dirt, like I was household staff, just like Jen's parents' home staff. They knew better, but I think they were always telling Jen she could do better. Thankfully she didn't listen to them (or her mom, for that matter). And now it was apparent to me that Jen told them about the 2-way proposal that I had said yes to. How embarrassing. But at least they knew I was that head-over-heels in love with Jen, and committed to our virginal relationship.
On the other hand, I tried desperately to keep my guy buddies away from her friends, for fear they would hear of my penis-predicament. I had for many months let on like I was secretly banging Jen, despite her cool temperament when they were around her. I made like I was forceful with her and she was embarrassed not to be able to control me in bed. And that's why I always tried to let her have her way any other time -- at least that was my narrative to them. They all thought I was the ideal boyfriend. The stud behind the scene, but ladies-man in public. That storyline worked well for me, unless her friends ever intersected with my buddies and spilled the beans. I couldn't let that happen. So you can imagine the pressure at our Rehearsal Dinner, when the groomsmen spent the evening with us... and importantly, with all the bridesmaids. Dang.
Thankfully my parents were the evening's host, and my talkative mom pretty much carried the evening with funny little stories from my childhood. The evening had come to a close and everyone was leaving... when her Maiden-of-Honor pulled my Best Man aside over in the corner. I could see her hand him a small box, and I didn't like the looks of it. Especially when he laughed out loud and readily accepted it.
"Sure, I'll do the honors", he said loudly enough to ensure I heard him. And everyone went back to talking and saying their goodbyes with hugs and well-wishes all around. Even Jen begged off early: "We have a big day ahead of us, Harold. So I need to go home and get some last minute prep done, and get to sleep. You boys have some things to do too, apparently. So we'll let you get on with it. Goodnight, dear little Harold, my sweetie.". And left with a peck on my cheek. Her Maiden-of-Honor also gave me a peck on the cheek, and left with a wink.
And there I was. With only my Best Man, who was beaming like a cat that had swallowed a canary.
"Ok, what? What did she say to you? And what's in the box, Fuckhead? I know you two are up to something. Spill it."
"Harold, oh Harold. My longtime buddy. Mr. Stud, you led us to believe. How the tables have turned now, as your little secret has leaked just a bit. But as your longtime buddy, you can count on me to keep it just between the four of us. I only ask that you don't give me any problem tonight. Or for that matter, you will of course need to treat me quite well for the foreseeable future. Right, buddy? Can you do that? It's a small price to pay for my loyalty, wouldn't you say?"
Dang.
"Of course. Please just keep this as a matter between close friends. I'll make it worth your while. Just keep it under wraps, ok?"
"Oh indeed, I'll keep it under wraps ok! In fact, that's the whole point of this little present from the Maiden-of-Honor: Keeping IT under wraps, so to speak. So Harold, you say you'll not give me a problem tonight, and that you will always make it worth my while not to share your little secret, so we're going to see about that. Come on, let's go out to my truck. You wouldn't want to do this here, would you?"
