The numb disbelief I felt was replaced with paranoia and self-consciousness; I anxiously looked around to see if anyone else realized what happened. What had come over me? How could I have been so careless? These thoughts and variations of them formed an unforgiving, disorienting whirlpool. I had to get away. I hastily shoved my notebook into my backpack, and, without looking at it, pocketed my phone. I hurried out of the classroom as fast as I could and went straight to my dorm, never as appreciative of it being a single one as I was now.
As I lay on my bed the surreality of the moment passed, leaving me to face hard reality. I believed I had just effectively destroyed any and all chances I'd ever had with a beautiful girl, I was certain she thought of me as just some creepy pervert now-and she had a right in thinking so. I despondently pulled out my phone to delete the video and hopefully with it my current self-disgust when I saw something confusing on the screen. It displayed a text conversation between me and a number I didn't have saved in my contacts. I read on with an unsettled feeling. The only text was one from me, and it was one that I had never sent. Shocked, I recognized the video of Rebecca's feet in it, and the realization of what had happened dawned on me.
While Rebecca had my phone and I was looking down, she must have sent the video to herself. Vulnerability and helplessness took hold of me as I understood that my reputation was now in the hands of a girl who had just caught me ogling and recording her, and who I knew next to nothing about. There was no way for me to know whether or not she would show anyone that video. After several minutes of contemplation, I nervously decided to text Rebecca-which was a lot harder in practice than in theory. I blankly stared at my phone with an equally blank mind before eventually typing, 'I'm sorry. Please don't show that video to anyone.' The words seemed impotent and selfish to me, but I couldn't think of anything better. I hit send and anxiously waited to see if Rebecca would text back. Time passed, and I received no answer. Realizing that she probably wasn't going to text me back, I sighed powerlessly. With the confusion and nervousness that this situation had already instilled in me, I couldn't discern anything about what this could mean. I eventually managed to push my worrying to the back of my mind and slogged through the rest of the day, occupying myself with my studies. When the night arrived, I readily fell into the escape of sleep.
I awoke fitfully, the remembrance of yesterday's happenings nagging me like a hangover. There was a rising sense of dread in me as the class that I shared with Rebecca neared. It almost overwhelmed me when I much too quickly found myself entering the classroom. I incessantly looked back at the door to see if Rebecca had entered, until, inevitably, she did. Even dressed as simply as she was, Rebecca looked beautiful. She was wearing a t-shirt and jeans; both showed off and accentuated her petite body. She was wearing the same brown boots that she'd had on yesterday. I then surprised myself. Without knowing what I was doing, I suddenly stood and my legs carried me behind her. I guess I was just too stressed by not knowing whether or not she had shown anyone the video.
I swallowed. "Rebecca?"
She turned around and looked at me, and her expression became one of bored interest. It took me a while to realize that she was waiting for me to speak again.
"Um, did you get my text?" I asked, feeling my cheeks redden slightly.
Her thin brows furrowed in an extremely cute way. "What text?"
"Well, yesterday, when...you know, what happened happened..."
Rebecca looked amused, which did nothing to help my embarrassment. "Uh-huh?" She said in an entertained voice.
I hurriedly continued. "Well, I saw that you sent...that video to yourself from my phone, and I texted you," I explained. "It said-"
"What makes you think that that was my number?" Rebecca interrupted, smirking.
I stared at her in disbelief, eyes wide. Someone who I didn't even know had that video. Had Rebecca told them that I was the one who recorded it? Rebecca suddenly giggled a little bit, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Don't worry, I'm just kidding." Rebecca said reassuringly. "I got your text, and I'm the only one who knows..."
I sighed in relief.
"...for now."
I looked questioningly and a little fearfully into her eyes. "What do you m-"
"Be quiet."
I was taken aback by the sudden authority in her voice, and instantly obeyed. Rebecca turned away from me and took out a notebook. Uncertain whether or not she was done talking to me, I awkwardly stood behind her. Just I was about to walk away, she turned back around and wordlessly held out the piece of paper, a challenging look in her dark eyes. I took it carefully from her, and upon looking at it I saw the name of my coed dorm hall and a room number. I waited for Rebecca to speak, remembering her earlier command.