This story happened just before my 30th birthday, a few months before my first daughter was born.
I was happily married to the husband that I am still married to now, and who I went on to have two further children with. Whilst I was unfaithful to him, I didn't feel guilty. I still don't. It was one of the most erotic experiences of my life.
I was six months pregnant and working still as a head of faculty in a large college on the outskirts of west London. I felt huge and tired, unsexy and like the pregnancy had swallowed up my femininity: my always large breasts now felt engorged and heavy, the round curve of my belly made me feel fat. Fat seemed to have gathered on the curved bone of my hips.
I was sitting at my desk in my office, trying to work but I was uncomfortable. My breasts strained against the fabric of my formal work blouse, and the waistband of my smart skirt dug into my stomach. My feet ached in my high heels and I sighed as I eased them off. Just then there was a knock at the door.
"Come in." I called.
Gareth entered. Gareth was 22 and hadn't been at our college long. I was his line manager and I knew that he was quiet and fairly shy. He wasn't struggling exactly, but I knew that the job didn't come easily to him.
He came into the room in a characteristically shy way- gaze cast down and his shoulders slightly slumped.
"You alright Gareth?" I asked, shifting my bulk in my seat.
"Yeah, thanks." He replied. His eyes flicked up to me and back down again. He sat in the chair opposite my desk. "I just wanted those scripts back from you?" His Welsh accent sounded foreign, quaint here in London and whenever he spoke I fought the urge to smile.
I went to stand and as I extended to my full height to reach the folder Gareth needed, I stretched across the small office and was aware of his eyes on me. "God, you're really showing now." He said. I was surprised by his boldness, and smiled.
"Feeling it now." I said, sitting back down. "Three months to go and I feel like a whale." I passed the folder across to him and he took it and flicked through the pages.
"You look nice." He said, suddenly shy again. I laughed, not for a second thinking he meant anything by it.
"That's very kind of you to say and I will remember it in your appraisal, but I look like a wrestler." I said absently, already scrolling back through my emails, anticipating that he would leave. It was his turn to smile now, and he said in the quietest voice imaginable,
"You were beautiful before but you're twice as beautiful now. Don't forget it." And with that he got up and left.
I couldn't stop thinking about what Gareth had said for the rest of the day. I was happily married, and had no desire for anyone else in my life but my husband, but as my pregnancy progressed I had become more and more sexually frustrated. My husband was worried about hurting me and despite my protestations as the months had gone on, he was less willing to be as open and adventurous as he had been in the bedroom. As my hormones surged I had resorted to self-gratification, getting home from work before my husband and using my powerful vibrator on my aching clit.
I had never looked at Gareth sexually- he was just a young man who worked for me and who had barely entered my consciousness. But the more I thought about him, the more I appreciated his charms. He was tall, quite wiry but in a way that you could tell muscle tone was building. In five years time he would be muscly and well built. He had nice, wide shoulders and shining green eyes which were set off by his reddish hair which he tousled in a becoming fashion. He dressed nicely in casual checked shirts and chinos and the more I considered him, sat there at my desk, the more I longed to be able to lay back in indulge in the fantasy, my hands exploring my body as I did so.
An hour or so passed and I had gotten back down to work, my fantasy about my young colleague on hold until I could get home and indulge. Just then an email pinged onto my desktop.
From: Gareth McGee
Date: Mar 19, 2011 at 2:29 PM
Subject: Apologies
To: Suzanne Catton suzannec@thecollege.ac.uk
Hi Suzanne
I just wanted to apologise for the way I behaved in your office this morning. I shouldn't have said you were beautiful. It was entirely unprofessional. It won't happen again, sorry.
Best wishes
Gareth