NOTE: None of this narrative has realistic science. You would be very silly to take this seriously. Don't consider any of this as medically accurate.
There was a new kind of parasitic mite. This mite had adapted to reproduce in human settlements, and so developed means to affect humans to encourage a friendly environment. It did this in a few ways, all with the same goal: encourage humans to mate by targeting males. It impacts the frontal lobe, manifesting hypersexual behavior and poor impulse-control. It alters hormonal balance, most dangerously preventing the macrophages from recognizing excess sperm cells as targets for cleanup, meaning the body doesn't reabsorb sperm. It gives hyperspermia, an often painful overproduction of sperm and asymmetrical ejaculation. Finally, it increases tissue flexibility, allowing the overproducing testicles and epididymis to expand. The condition is called Stiff's Sickness. It would last until the body released enough post-orgasm chemicals to override the invading signals.
The condition could be problematic. It carried risk of lifetime fertility issues after, and there was the obvious discomfort during the illness. However, most of the time the condition would pass without long-term effects. And, after a few months of discovery, treatment options and awareness was widespread enough that the condition became viewed as a minor annoyance. And, for most people, it would simply require the individual to stay at home, tending to themselves, until they got it all out of their system. The process was fastest with a partner, with many theories as to why.
It was a slow shift this night, and Nurse Sophie Capri was walking down the hallway, thinking about what to watch on Netflix. Some shifts could be busy, but most of her night shifts she could autopilot. She clenched her fist when she turned a corner to see Kat. The tall, tan, blonde nurse was unquestionably her most talented peer on-staff. Kat was smarter, faster, and when she looked at you her eyes conveyed that they knew it. Sophie, in contrast, was just skilled. She hated working with Kat, but she told herself that she could, at least, learn from her. It was hard enough feeling like an imposter at work when you were newer, but seeing someone so talented somehow made the self-loathing more personal.
The problems were in how Kat exuded condescension. Kat caught Sophie's gaze, and Sophie looked to the ground instinctively. As she passed, they said their pleasantries. Kat asked her if she'd heard about the new inpatient, and Sophie looked at her curiously. "No, what's up?" Sophie asked.
"He's got the worst case of Stiff's we've ever seen. The weirdest thing is that he's calm. Not rabid like they usually are. But, his swelling is off the charts."
Sophie grimaced, "Jeez, that's always rough. Should I go see how bad?"
Kat nodded, "Well, I think the charge nurse has you on it, anyway."
Sophie was floored, "What!? Why me?"
Kat looked at her with jaded eyes, "Short straw, I guess."
Sophie was furious--this was bullshit. She'd been made to do the less favorable tasks since she'd started here. It was a usual problem for her--she didn't usually belong. She didn't make good small talk with the others, and simply wasn't as likeable. Sure, she was available, but tending to a Stiff's patient sucked! It was always the short straw with her--the code browns or the sundowners were always thrown her way. "Fuck, alright, I'll stop by for the keys to the collection machine then."
Sophie turned to other way, but Kat stopped her with her response, "Oh, don't bother: They're FUBAR."
Sophie stopped. Then, she turned slowly. She looked at Kat, who seemed so strong and dominant. She asked, weakly, with shoulders sagging, "How did that happen?"
Kat sighed, "Logistical error, I think--not checked until they're needed, and now suddenly they found out they needed replaced. You know how Debbie is, not doing her job. But officially, I don't know what excuse was given."
Sophie sighed and walked past Kat. As she left, she heard Kat snickering to herself. Sophie clenched her fists uselessly. She hated it here.
Cory Chase focused on his breathing. In and out. He imagined a white ring in a black emptiness, and it slowly expanded as he inhaled. Then, it slowly shrank as he exhaled. He felt a pulsing, throbbing pain between his legs. He breathed slower, deeper, steadier. The pain didn't dissipate. He heard the door open, but he didn't dare break his concentration. He heard footsteps approaching, and shuffling papers.
Sophie saw a man laying on the hospital bed. He was average height, average build--just a very plain-looking person. His hair was black, and he was clean shaven. His eyes were closed, and he was performing breathing exercises. She was familiar with them, for her anxiety. She saw a big issue--his hands were bandaged up, wrapped in braces. She sighed. This was just getting better and better, huh? He had a folded blanket over his groin, and was in a hospital gown. She spoke, "How are you feeling today, sir?"
His eyes opened, and she was suddenly staring into a gorgeous pair of eyes. They were a light brown, almost amber, but with green bursts of color within. It was like staring into an aurora. His breathing was constant, unwavering. He responded, "I'm fine, but I'm in a little bit of pain."
He saw a woman who floored him. She was pale in a way that caught the light, like she was aglow in this cold, sterile room. Her hair was brown and curly, dancing down her scalp and landing below her shoulders. She stared at him with big brown eyes that invited him in, and they felt like he'd seen them a thousand times. They were eyes that just felt natural to stare into. He closed his eyes again, asking, "Do you have a pump that I can use hands-free? Sorry, I'm just trying to get out of your hair. I know this sucks for you to deal with."
Sophie was thankful he closed his eyes--she wasn't sure she could focus otherwise. She moved toward his lower half, reading his chart and speaking, "Unfortunately, there's no pumps available tonight. I'm checking to make sure the medicine's working and that you can last until we get new ones."
Cory felt panic. There was no way he'd last even a day. He was about to say something, some politely-worded plea, when he felt his hospital gown shift and heard a gasp. Sophie was staring at the most intensely swollen testicles she'd seen. No, they were bigger than she'd ever imagined. This gigantism was only possible with the insane body-warping of Stiff's, and even then these were an outlier. "Is it bad?" asked Cory.
"Uh," Sophie couldn't process, "Yes. This is the worst I've ever seen." She was filled with sympathy for this patient, who must be suffering intensely. "We can't--" she felt dread settle over herself as she realized what must happen, "Oh, man. We can't afford to wait. You're at risk of rupture if we don't act."
His balls were the size of oranges. This production was insane--he must've delayed checking into the hospital out of embarrassment. A fatal mistake for many men who prioritized modesty over safety. Sophie moved the blanket from his waist, and pushed up his gown. Cory tried to stop her, saying, "Wait!"
Sophie's jaw fell open, and she spoke without thinking, "Holy fuck."
It was massive. She didn't have a ruler, but she could believe it was a foot long. She stammered, "H-h-how... BIG is that thing!?"
