This is the third instalment from my Thai Journals. They recount the sexy autobiographical adventures of an expat working in Thailand.
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When I held out the tub of Vaseline to the middle-aged Thai woman at the counter of Boots Chemist in Chiang Mai, she gave me a brief knowing but brief smile.
"Another horny ex-pat "fareng" walking around with a sore dick after fucking too much Thai pussy." I am certain these were the very thoughts going through her mind.
Well, that is what happens when you live and teach English in Thai pussy paradise!
Things had gone downhill for me when I started dating one of my sexy Thai uniformed students named Noi. Some of you may have read about her in my other recent stories and know what I'm talking about. If not email me for pictures and tell me which ones you would like, but please do leave positive feedback first if you enjoyed reading this.
I had forgotten to mention that Noi had started calling me "Sausage King" in class. It had all begun when we stumbled across this great place to buy English and American sausages in Chiang Mai called "Sausage King Co Ltd." You can check it out online if you think I am joking. At first, I had thought it was just another porn site when it popped up along with the girly links in my Google search, but I was delighted to I realise my mistake. In fact, I had made another important culinary discovery. Anyway, when I had ordered a batch of juicy long sausages for breakfast, Noi had been curious and asked me why I had bought them.
"English and American sausages are much longer, thicker and tastier than Thai sausages," I had replied innocently.
Noi had smiled naughtily, gently squeezed my dick and replied:
"Oh yes, I agree. I like your sausage king very much."
After that, she had taken to calling me "Sausage King" in class, much to my horror and embarrassment. When she had explained the meaning of this to some of the other curious female students, demands for extra private tuition soared. Sexy Thai girls like nothing better than to feel a big white sausage squeeze into their small tight pussies. Like rice, this diet is better consumer three times a day, I had explained to Noi. She agrees.
To get back to my journals, I thought things had got off to a good start that day. Little did I know how wrong I really was...
The class was settling down and in a good mood after the warmer exercise. As for the notoriously temperamental air conditioning unit, it had miraculously managed to suck out most of the hot Thai air as efficiently as a Thai hooker and thrown it outside where it belonged.
"Please look at exercise two, on page three..." I stuttered and leered at Cindy.
Cindy, the slender and attractive class Ladyboy, was winking at me again. Shit! I had made the dramatic mistake of accepting her as a Facebook friend. In addition to posting embarrassing pictures in shocking near-nakedness on MY Facebook page -- to the absolute horror my friends and family back home in the UK, Cindy took malicious pleasure in flirting openly with me in and out of class. It was all a terrible mistake. Well, last week I found myself red with embarrassment when my boy in the UK asked me:
"Daddy, why has that girl on your Facebook got a willy?"
Tell me, how do you answer that? I could not very well erase her from my friends list or that would have disenfranchised the ladyboy students and probably got me fired.
"I would like you to ask me for health advice in English, in two sentences," I continued, stoically. "For example: I have a cough. What can I do?"
I had been teaching English to undergraduate students in Thailand for three weeks now. I was firmly convinced that I had died and gone to heaven. I mean, have you seen those SEXY HOT SLUTS walking around in their white blouses, buckled belts and black mini-skirts? You know, those girls they call students over here in Thailand? I was constantly walking around with a super-glued boner and a smile like a Cheshire cat that had just swallowed a canary. To give you a better idea of what I had to face every day, let me describe to you their slutty uniform:
The Thai student's uniform has been carefully engineered to give a real man an instant hard-on. I believe experts use this to explain the comparatively high rate of heart-attacks suffered by older lecturers in Thailand university. So why does it make you horny? To begin with there is the white cotton blouse, with military brass embossed buttons usually worn one size too small so that the small but shapely Thai breast is visible, squeezing tightly against the fabric, while the nipples attempt to jut out, leaving little to the imagination. Then there is the mandatory black high heels -- ah! I knew you would like that one. No choice, they have to where this. Noi likes the seven inch. She says is shows off her little tight Asian butt. Then there is the buckled logo leather belt followed by desert, the icing on this delicious visual cake, the ultra-short black mini-skirt, also popular with bargirls and hookers alike. Noi has kindly taken some photos to show you that I can share in case you are having trouble imagining this. Although some students wear the longer pleated variety, the more attractive and slutty girls prefer the tight black mini-skirt. So do I! The only problem I have found through direct experience is that they fit so tightly that the mini-skirt has the tendency to tear at the seams. Yesterday, I was having sex in the toilets with Noi between classes, as one does in Thailand, when her mini skirt ripped down the side. She had wrapped her legs tightly around my waist and she was moaning something in her language -- all I could understand was "Sausage King" -- while I was pumping away at her tight little snatch, when I heard the rip.
"Oh my God!" I exclaimed.
Noi just laughed and said:
"Don't worry, I'm sure the other teachers will like it..."
"No shit!" I replied.