Naked In The Morning

It took a while for me to work out where I was.

Although my eyes were closed I could tell that I was outside.

It was early morning. The sun was shining. There was a breeze.

Beneath my body I could feel the cool damp of a lawn. I was lying on my back and I was naked.

I recalled something of the previous night. A party, dancing, being happy. We'd been allowed to stay because I was unable to drive.

My wife Annie had tried to get me to sleep in a spare room. Our daughters; Rosie and Kirstie were happy to stay overnight as it meant staying up late with their friends and a sleep over.

Our hosts Ben and Jasmine were parents of their friend Saskia.

Ben and Jasmine were our friends. They were very cool people and knew how to throw a party. It had been a great party; more like a little festival in their garden. It was magical, candles and lanterns in the trees and shrubs, a morrocan tent with cushions and rugs, a firepit, musicians, a DJ, a cocktail bar, dancing and drugs. All of which I had enjoyed, more than I was used to.

*****************

I was about to open my eyes and work out how to get from lying naked on the lawn to being clothed and inside the house when I heard the patio doors opening and a man's voice:

"What a lovely morning. I'll make some coffee shall I?".

I heard footsteps on the patio, chairs being moved then a squeal and a woman's voice:

"Oh my god look. It's that guy..."

Another woman laughed.

"Not what I needed to see first thing in the morning."

I couldn't think of anything to do but keep my eyes shut and pretend to be asleep while they whispered around me.

"Should we wake him up?"

"I don't know. We should cover him."

"Why? He was being a total dick last night."

"I know. What a letch. His poor wife..."

"Which one was she?"

"The one you were talking to in the bathroom. Annie? Anna? Red hair. Nice woman, Rosie and Kirstie's mum. Big tits."

"God her! She seemed lovely. Poor woman. He looks a bit too...small for her."

They giggled.

The man brought coffee out and asked what was so funny.

"Little willy there."

The man laughed.

"Shit. That's the guy who tried to get into our bed last night."

He went inside and called upstairs. "Sharon. Come down and see this. It's that twat who was in our bedroom in the night."

I heard greetings and the garden filled with more women's voices.

"Why is he out here naked?"

"OMG why would he even do that?"

Sounds of laughter, disgust, shock, scorn.

I could hear them taking pictures on their phones.

I continued to feign sleep hoping they'd go.

A woman said: "Oh my god that has to be the smallest willy I've ever seen." and there was a ripple of laughter.

I found myself becoming turned on by the humiliation. I desperately tried to fight it but I could feel my dick stiffen and become hard.

Someone shrieked.

"OMG. Look. He's getting a hard on."

"Are we sure he's really asleep?"

A face so close I could smell the coffee on her breath:

"Oi. Mate, you're awake aren't you."

I made a sound as though I'd just woken up, opened my eyes and looked around in feigned confusion.

There was a round of applause.

I put my hands over my penis.

Somebody threw my trousers at me. I stood up and put them on.

Without saying anything or looking at anyone I stumbled quickly into the house, found a bathroom and had a piss, Upstairs in the spare bedroom Annie was still sleeping. I sneaked in beneath the duvet beside her warm forgiving body and fell asleep.

When I woke up it was afternoon and I was alone. I washed, cleaned my teeth, dressed and crept downstairs.

Everyone who had been at the party had left except my family. Annie was sitting with Ben and Jasmine drinking coffee and talking at the dining table. Rosie, Flo and Saskia were still in pyjamas huddled on the sofa giggling at something on their phones.

When Ben saw me he laughed and gave me a big hug.

"Here he is! The star of the party. Your ears must have been burning man, everyone's been talking about you. You legend!"

The teenagers giggled.

I hugged Ben back but looked at Annie.

"I'm so sorry."

Annie frowned at me and shook her head.

"I'm just glad I missed the show. Bad enough having to see the pictures online. Isn't it girls."

i had to apologise to Rosie and Flo for the embarrassment I'd caused them. They told me they hated me and that I'd ruined their social lives.

Ben said I shouldn't worry. He made some jokes at my expense about small dicks but I didn't mind because it lightened the atmosphere and Annie began to see the funny side. I drank some coffee and helped tidy up and by the time we left my nudity appeared to have been forgotten if not forgiven.

I was never allowed to put it behind me.

Rosie and Flo continued to tease me, remind me or scold me when it suited them. Every time I tried to assert my authority, tell them off or punish them they would give me a knowing look, sneer at my crotch or crook their pinky finger and I lose my confidence and authority. Annie often made fun of my small penis in front of them.

Ben still makes a joke about it even now, ten years later. Whenever I meet one of his friends who was at that party he puts an arm round me and introduces me as famous Dave; the guy with the little dick who woke up naked in the garden. Nobody seems to think any the worse of me for it. They laugh.