One of the few downsides to enjoying a long, country walk is that every once in a while, nature demands a comfort stop.
This was the predicament I found myself in one autumn Sunday. One option was to hop over a hedge into a field.
Fortunately, I'd walked this way before and I knew that a little further along the lane there was a small cottage. Hopefully someone would be home and feeling benevolent.
A few minutes later and there it is, a pretty whitewashed country cottage. I let myself through the gate and walk the short path to the open porch.
A pair of pink wellingtons and some sundry gardening tools stand to one side of the porch. I pull on the bell chain and hear a light, pleasant tinkling from inside.
Footsteps approach and the door opens. My chosen samaritan is beautiful. Large in a shapely, country way, she has red, shoulder length hair and is wearing a light, summery dress which displays her breasts to perfection.
'Hi,' I manage. 'I'm out walking and I really could do with using the toilet. I know it's really cheeky to ask, but I was wondering whether you'd mind if I used yours?'
She takes a slightly wary look past me.
'Oh, it's ok, I'm on my own,' I assure her.
'OK then,' she says. 'But take those walking boots off and leave them here in the porch.'
I do as she asks and she leads me into the cottage, through the lounge and kitchen. A door at the far end of the kitchen leads to a toilet.
'There you go, it's all yours,' she laughs.
Business dealt with, I open the door and step back into the kitchen. The kettle is bubbling away.
'Would you like some tea?' she asks. 'Refresh you for your forthcoming efforts'
'That's very kind,' I reply. 'I do still have some way to go. Thank you.'
We sit at her litchen table while we drink tea and make conversation.
She lives here alone and owns a shop in the nearby town. No children or pets, she is happy with her own company.
Tea finished, I make my excuses, thank her for the tea and make my way to the front door. Only to find it locked.
I turn to find her standing in the lounge.
'The door appears to be locked,' I say, stating the obvious.
'You do disappoint me,' she replies. 'Where I come from, it's accepted that a favour should always be returned.'
'Sorry?' I reply, caught slightly off guard.
'You owe me a favour,' she says. 'But you've been walking. You're sweaty and dirty. You need a shower.'
'Er, sorry?' I say again, really confused now.
'This way,' she says, heading up the stairs. Still confused, I follow.