* * * * *
I decided to take to heart the suggestion that I "seek therapy" probably not in the way the advice was intended; nevertheless, I decided to use the suggestion as an idea for a story. Inspiration can come from almost anywhere, can't it?
While this story is fiction and intended for entertainment purposes only the position of the American Psychiatric Association regarding homosexuality is in fact true. Gay people are considered normal much to the dismay of so many.
Some of you might find offensive the improper relationship between therapist and patient, but how many relationships are among truly equal partners? How many sexual liaisons are prim and proper?
Please don't read this if you are offended by sexual situations between consenting heterosexual adults, homosexual fantasies, or strap-on sex.
* * * * *
I was ushered from the palatial waiting room to her ostentatious office. I was here reluctantly. I finally decided to seek help, and who better to help me out than a sex therapist?
Extending her hand with a bright smile she said, "A pleasure to meet you. Please have a seat."
"I thought you would ask me to lay down, you know on a couch." I said nervously.
"I won't ask you to lay down ... just yet." She answered cryptically.
I noticed she had her long blonde hair pulled back from her face in a ponytail that drifted down her back. Her black rimmed glasses a contrast to her skins milky whiteness. Her navy blue suit did little to hide her figure.
She noticed my attentiveness and said, "Could you explain to me why you have sought out my services?"
"My current relationship is ... and I .... It has to do with ... I have a hard time .... You see." I was making little sense. I was more nervous than a Mafia accountant.
"Hmmm. You should try and relax. I am not here to judge you I'm here to help you." She said in a reassuring manner.
"It has to do with my fantasies. I can't fess up when my girlfriend asks, and I really want to share but you see ... " I said with a smidgeon more confidence.
"Why can't you share you fantasies with you girlfriend?" She inquired.
"I am worried she will think less of me. Maybe even leave me or .... I don't know." I stammered once again nervous as my confidence wavered.
She stood up and walked to the window. The sun shined through the bamboo blinds tattooing a diagonal pattern across her svelte figure.
She began speaking, "Some people repress their desires because they are ashamed of them. Shame has many variations from simple shyness to embarrassment these emotions seldom cause us any trouble and help us navigate through a world we share with other people."
She looked over at me to see if her statements registered.
I nodded in agreement.
She continued, "When shame causes us to repress strongly held desires this is when we have problems. Assuming for the moment that your desires are not to inflict harm on another or break any laws then you have a legitimate need that should be fulfilled."
I continue to nod in agreement.
She asked, " Are your fantasies in any way illegal or have to do with inflicting harm?"
"No." I responded truthfully.
She smiled and said, "Consider a beautiful girl who has just a simple flaw her nose is slightly too large -- instead of seeing herself realistically in the mirror she magnifies this imperfection until it is out of proportion to the rest of her body, and it begins to take on a disproportionate importance in her life. That is, she becomes her nose. She thinks about it in the day and has dreams of it at night. She then starts to suffer from diminished self-esteem because her desire to be seen as attractive is thwarted by her embarrassment over her nose. The solution isn't a nose job but addressing her self esteem and image issues. This is an example of how shame can work against our best interests. "
"I understand, so my problem is with my shame over my fantasy." I commented.
She continued, "Yes, shame is the hold society has on us compelling us to act in a specified way especially when no one is around. Can you break that hold now -- can you tell me what your desires and fantasies are."
I rallied my courage and said, "My fantasy is to be taken, taken anally. I envision a woman with a strapon and ..."
She picked up my disappearing sentence, "and she takes you anally. She dominates you and you submissively take it right?"
"Yes, then there's more. I sometimes fantasize that it's not her but some guy." I confessed.
She smiled, put down her pen and paper and said, "Many men, straight heterosexual men have gay fantasies that doesn't make them gay. Even a desire for anal play doesn't make a man gay."
"I don't know," I said unconvinced.
She said, "First off, the medical community in general and specifically the psychiatry profession does not view homosexuality as pathology, so there is no need for treatment. We don't treat homosexuals not because they are beyond help but because they don't need it -- do you understand?"
"Yes, but I like girls," I said defensively.
"I'm sure you do. I just wanted to state my position and my professions position about homosexuality. When it comes to sexuality there is a wide spectrum of possibilities between being exclusively heterosexual and exclusively homosexual, and it matters little where your desires place you, unless you aren't being honest with yourself or your partners." She explained.
"I'm worried about what she will think. She may just leave me thinking I'm a queer and laugh at me." I said in a worried tone.
She responded, "No lover can satisfy you completely all the time at exactly the right time, this would be a perfect lover and contrary to storybook romances they don't exist. And chances are your love making will be disappointing if your relationship lacks communication. Couples or partners who have hot kinky sex have excellent communication." She ended her sentence with a captivating smile.
