My sister and I are in our forties. So are all our friends. Due to insurance problems, my primary care doctor was no longer available in the network. I needed a new doctor.
My sister has a friend named Laura. On the job she is known as Dr. Laura, but socially she just drops the "doctor" label. She's closer to my sister than she is to me, but yeah, I know her.
She's about 5''4" with wavy hair that is mostly gray; very little of the original brunette remains. She has no neck, big shoulders, and there's about 260 pounds of her at any given time. Cute face, but the rest of the package means she's been single a long time.
My sister got the bright idea that Dr. Laura would be a perfect solution to both our problems: I need a doctor, she needs patients.
I was against the idea because we know each other socially. Dr. Laura told me that she is very ethical and patient confidentiality is a big deal to her. That's good, because I wouldn't want her sharing with my sister. We ain't *that* close.
To make it easier for me, Dr. Laura said I don't ever need an appointment. Just show up and tell the desk person that I'm expected.
About a week later, I show up. I tell the lady at the desk that I'm there to see Dr. Laura. She's says she will try to work me in to the schedule. I look around the waiting area. I'm the only one there.
She makes me wait.
Eventually, I'm given eight pages of forms to fill out. Then it's to the back for the preliminaries: height, weight, blood pressure, and pulse rate.
I didn't have to wait long, Dr. Laura came out and called me to the back. She was in a good mood and kind of chipper. She went on and on about how happy she was that I gave her a try.
We go to an exam room and she asks me a few medical history questions. Then she asks why I'm there.
I explain that I have chronic prostate issues and I'm pretty sure I have another bout of prostatitis going. My old doctor would just give me antibiotics and eventually it clears up. I was hoping to avoid a prostate exam. I hate those things. Besides the embarrassment, they are painful for me.
After using a stethoscope on me for heart and lungs, she grabs a gown and hands it to me.
"Take off everything except your socks," she said. "I'll step out for a moment so you can change."
Well, damn. I wanted to avoid that, but halfway expected it.
She knocked on the door and came in before I could answer.
"Is this really necessary?" I asked. "Couldn't we just do antibiotics and..."
"Nope. It's your first visit, so I would have probably wanted to do a baseline exam of you to start with. Just relax, it'll be over before ya know it."
She washed her hands and grabbed some blue nitrile gloves. I started to turn around and she said, "Whoa, there! I gotta check out the front first. That's usually how this goes."
"Can we skip that?"
"Come on, work with me here," she said.
Reluctantly, I eased up the gown for her. She was sitting on a rolling stool right in front of me.