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Copyright Oggbashan April 2005
The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
This is a work of fiction. The events described here are imaginary; the settings and characters are fictitious and are not intended to represent specific places or living persons.
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It started when I was just 18 and although at university I was still living with my parents in a small village. As a teenager I had had the normal urges but in such a small place where everybody knew everyone else it was difficult to get more than a kiss and a cuddle from the local girls. They wanted commitment, eventually marriage, and knew too well how easy it was for them to lose their reputation. They would go a little way but then nothing would make them go further. I couldn't link up with women at the university because I had to catch the last bus to the village at 6 pm. Until I passed my driving test, got a car and could stay as long as I liked... I was frustrated as every normally-sexed man would be.
But I had my fantasies. I could dream of film stars, girl singers and the bra models in my mother's magazines. They helped but I wanted the real thing, not illusions on a screen, songs on the radio or pictures on a page.
However there was Mrs Lamb. She was flesh and blood. She was real. She was close. She was much older than me but seemed my ideal of the mature woman. How naive I was. This "older" woman was all of 25 years old but seemed so unattainable. Her husband had been killed in a farm accident 12 months earlier leaving her to produce a posthumous daughter who was six months old. Mrs Lamb was ideal fantasy material for my fevered imagination. She had natural blonde hair with a soft curl. She was slim but well developed in the right places. At the time she was slightly taller than me, even in her bare feet. I had a real case of puppy love for her.
Mrs Lamb lived about 200 metres away down a farm lane. To get to the village she had to pass our house and I watched her push her pram nearly every day. She dressed simply but elegantly, always wearing a calf-length skirt, whatever the weather. The contrast with the other women of the village was stark. Most of them wore jeans or dungarees and looked ready to muck out a stable at a moment's notice. Even those who wore skirts had sensible stiff tweedy ones totally unlike her flowing hems that emphasised her graceful movements. Her winter skirts glided around her legs but her summer ones floated like gossamer. Even her old "gardening" skirts were clean and well ironed. But her real distinguishing item of dress was her headscarf. Apparently she had started collecting headscarves when she was a girl. She wore a different one every day. Some villagers joked that she had one for every day of the year. For all I know that was true because I never noticed her wear the same one twice. I recognised that her headscarves had an air that other women's didn't but it was much later before I realised that all of them were pure silk.
To help to raise money for the eventual purchase of a car I was always willing to do odd jobs around the village which is how I got to know Mrs Lamb better. She'd ask me to get things for her from the village shop, to help her in her garden - little things like that. She was nice to be near and I adored her. I didn't think that she had noticed until the day her drains blocked. It was an unfortunate day for it to happen. The village cricket team was playing an important match and nearly everyone had gone to support them. There was no one around except me and the only reason I was there was some important course work that I'd been putting off. I wasn't that interested in cricket anyway. I'd just finished the final page when I heard Mrs Lamb' voice in the kitchen.
"Is anyone at home?" she called
"Yes, Mrs Lamb, but only me" I replied jumping from my chair and going towards the stairs. She looked up at me. My heart flipped. Here was my dream woman, in my house, smiling at me.
"Hello Tom. I'm sorry to disturb you but I've got a problem with my drains. Do you..."
I didn't let her finish. I knew about drains. Dad's drain rods were in the shed and had provided me with a useful income.
"Of course, Mrs Lamb" I said "I can sort out your drains. I'll just get the rods and I'll be with you in a couple of minutes."
"Thank you, Tom. I'll be ever so grateful."
Then I realised a snag. I was properly dressed, not in working clothes. If the drains were badly blocked I'd have to change. I didn't want to go to HER house in my mucky jeans and T-shirt so I hoped that the drains wouldn't be a real problem. If they were I'd have to change. I grabbed the work clothes and shoved them in a carrier bag. Collecting the rods, I followed Mrs Lamb's retreating figure down the farm lane. I watched the way her hips moved, her skirt swayed and her headscarf fluttered in the breeze ahead of me. It was no use. I was getting really excited. If I got too excited I'd have a problem concealing my growing erection. I tried to ignore the evidence of my eyes but...
When we reached the house the smell of drains was obvious. There was a large seepage across the farmyard. I'd have to change into my working clothes even if it meant that I wouldn't look my best.
"Mrs Lamb!" I called "Is there somewhere where I can change? I'll have to put some old clothes on."
"Certainly, Tom" she replied "You can change in the scullery." She showed me the small room leading off the kitchen. Apart from the door, there was a small high window with obscure glass. I slipped in, shut the door to the kitchen, and started to change. My erection slowed me down a bit but it didn't take long.
"Would you like a cup of tea?" she asked through the door.
"Afterwards, perhaps" I replied nervously. A cup of tea with her would be fantastic - but not if I was covered in sewage!
As I came out into the kitchen I realised something I should have noticed before. The baby wasn't around. I'd rarely seen her without the baby. I was so startled that I blurted out...
"Where's the baby?"
"She's staying with my in-laws this weekend. They've wanted to have her visit them but I didn't want her to go until she was easier to cope with. They're not old, but frequent feeding and nappy changes might have been a bit too much of a shock. She feeds regularly now and they've been practising with the disposable nappies I use..."
Even my brain took just a few seconds to make the connection. "disposable nappies" and "blocked drains" were an obvious cause and effect. I laughed.
She looked at me as if I'd gone stark staring mad. I spluttered before I could explain.
"That's the answer!" I said. "Disposable nappies mean blocked drains. Despite what the manufacturers say, you can't flush them down the toilet - at least not in the country."
"Oh. Is that so? I've been using them for a couple of months."
My heart sank. A couple of months! That would be a massive blockage.