MILK MONEY - KELLY & PAM
This is a retelling of Milk Money from the two women's point of view.
It was the happiest day of her life when Kelly put her newborn baby on her breast. The baby was weak, but able to latch onto her. Their eyes locked together as the baby struggled to feed. It didn't last long. The nurse finally had to take the baby and put it back on the intravenous feeding line.
Kelly didn't realize as they took her baby away that she would never see her alive again. Kelly lay on the bed, worry filling her mind with dread. How had she failed her baby to cause it to be so weak?
Tim was there when they came to tell her their daughter had died. Kelly had to be sedated. While she was asleep, the doctors informed Tim the birth had been so traumatic that the surgery to remove the baby meant Kelly would not be able to have any more children. The conversation the next day was the hardest he had ever had to have. The doctors had to keep her sedated for a couple of days to allow her body to recover from the surgery.
She was finally able to leave the hospital in a few days. Once home, she went right to bed and stayed there for several more days.
During the time in bed, Kelly took stock in her life. She was alive, and still had Tim, the only man she had ever loved. She tried to talk to God about what she had done to deserve this but got no satisfaction. After three days, she finally was mad enough to say, "The hell with it."
Tim was surprised to see her come downstairs, dressed and ready for the day. Her mother was there when she came down and cried as she hugged her.
Tim made her breakfast, and they made small talk with her mother until Tim had to go to work. Kelly and her mother talked until Kelly asked to lie down. Her mother stayed with her until Tim came home that night.
This was the routine for a week or so, until her mother finally went home. They felt Kelly was strong enough to be at home by herself.
When Kelly woke up one day, her breasts had leaked onto her top. She was surprised and got out the pump they had given her at the hospital. She was able to get a little milk out of her breasts. It made her very happy. She told Tim. He was happy because he hoped this short stint would make her happy.
Kelly was happy Tim was sending the milk to the hospital, and she went to be tested. They approved her milk, and she was in heaven.
When the milk dried up, she was devastated. However, Kelly stayed quiet to allow her body to heal until she was finally able to return to work. Tim and Kelly fell back into a routine, just like millions of working couples do every day.
Kelly didn't tell Tim she was having trouble sleeping. After her milk dried up, she would watch Tim go to sleep quickly, and she would lay there and watch him sleep. Many nights when she finally fell asleep, she would have the same nightmare. She would be smiling at her baby on her breast, and the baby's face would turn angry, and her eyes would have fire in them. It would wake her up every time in a cold sweat. She knew she couldn't tell Tim about it. The last thing she wanted was some shrink tearing her past apart when she knew the problem. She had failed her baby, and God took away her ability to have another.
In her rational mind, she knew this was bullshit, but it was there, anyway.
Everything changed when she had a different dream. This time, the baby was drinking and smiling. During the dream, the baby suckled until it was full and fell asleep in her arms. Before she could wake up, another baby was in her baby's place. She stayed asleep as baby after baby were satisfied on her breasts.
She woke up the next day refreshed and happy for the first time since coming home from the hospital. This dream replaced the old dream. Many nights, she would have no dream or this dream. The old dream didn't return.
The more she thought about this dream, the more she wanted to have other babies on her breasts. She had no idea how to make that happen, but it made her happy thinking about it.
Tim noticed the change in her attitude. She had more rest and was engaged in the household chores and work again.
He finally had to ask what had changed. For a long while, she just said she was getting over the trauma and left it at that. Tim forgot about it and started thinking about adoption. Kelly was not thinking about adoption. She was thinking about how to give her milk to other babies in need.
She had been using the small pump they give mothers to express their milk ahead of time. She had been working on her breasts after returning from the hospital. Unfortunately, it only lasted a very short time before her body dried up. She needed a way to jump-start her body lactating again.
Shortly after that, Kelly had firmed up the idea of finding a way to give her milk to needy babies. When she finally mentioned it to Tim, he was surprised. He thought the incident was past them. The idea she was still thinking about their baby concerned him. It had been several months, and he didn't think she should still be fixating on it.
She insisted until he finally began looking for someone who knew something about this. He found the La Leche League. They are a non-profit organization that matches lactating women with women that are unable to breastfeed. He hadn't any idea there was such a thing.
Kelly was excited. She had found these people herself a few days before he mentioned it but was unsure how to bring it up. When he did, she considered it a sign and asked to speak with them.
Tim called and talked to Anne. She invited them in. It didn't take Kelly long to realize this wasn't what she was looking for. She wasn't lactating but wanted to. She needed to find someone that could make her lactate again.
Kelly took Anne aside and explained what she was looking for. Anne grew uncomfortable but listened. When Kelly was finished, Anne sat and looked at her for a couple of minutes. She knew where to send her, but she also knew this could get her into trouble. It had already been a problem, and she was trying not to go there again.
Anne finally called Tim to tell him about Ty Abbot's farm. Tim was afraid to tell Kelly and held off. When he came home a couple of days later, Kelly was fuming. She had called Anne to thank her for trying to help, and Anne had asked what she thought about Ty's place?
That was that. By the time she had calmed down, Tim had agreed to take her to Ty's place.