Milk And Honey Ch 01

Please be kind. This is my first submission here. I understand this may not be everyone's taste, no pun intended. So if it's not for you, please just keep moving.

I welcome friendly comments and suggestions. Thank you for reading, it is my hope you found it enjoyable.

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"Honey," he leaned over to whisper against my ear, "can you do that inside?" and pulled back to give me a look. One of half disgust, the other half embarrassment.

My cheeks flamed bright red and I nodded solemnly. As if I could deny his request in front of our guests, I simply unlatched our newborn and carried his squirming, hungry, tiny body inside. Leaving our barbecue guests in the manicured back yard, I quietly made my way into our home just a moment before our son's protests reached a full on hunger cry.

"Shhh," I comforted him with a gentle bounce and made my way into our family room, trying not to let the sting of Greg's 'request' sink any deeper than the surface. I should have been prepared for his reaction to my nursing our seven week old anywhere except the privacy of our home. Several heated conversations, tear-filled pleas and even being admonished by his own mother, Greg was insistent I not breast feed Deacon in front of anyone, even himself. Any time I began to feed our baby, my husband of nearly four years made himself scarce. In the first days after Deacon's birth, I didn't think much of it. I was a new mom trying to get the whole breast-feeding thing down so I welcomed the private moments to learn the techniques and bond with our precious baby. However, as I became more comfortable and Deacon become a little suckling pro, Greg's absence during feedings become glaringly obvious. Don't get me wrong, Greg is a wonderful father. He doesn't shirk his parenting responsibilities. He changes diapers, burps, rocks, sings, folds tiny sleepers and blankets but when it comes to breast-feeding, he is completely hands off. Of course, it is pretty much a one-person job, but he won't even sit in the same room with me.

When I finally broached the subject, he tried to just dismiss it, brush it off. But when his odd behavior continued, I asked again. "What gives?" when I found Greg in his home office. Patting the back of a full-bellied content little boy as I came into the room. Greg looked up and actually rolled his eyes.

"I don't know what this is such a big deal, Megan." He stated with an exasperated sigh.

"Yeah." I agreed in an annoyed tone. "Me either."

"I just...I don't want to watch it."

"Watch it?" I asked incredulously. "You make it sound like...gutting a deer or something equally disgusting."

"You're my wife." He scrubbed his face. "I...it's hard for me to see your body being used like that and then switch gears later and feel romantically attracted to you."

You could have knocked me over with a feather. Tears instantly filled my hazel eyes. "But...we talked about this." I sniffled. "We agreed breast-feeding would be best for our baby." My voice rising with disbelief.

"And I still do. All the studies show it is best for him. But..." he sighed and stood up, "Megan, don't get worked up over it, hon." coming to stand in front of me and rubbing my arms. "I'm a selfish bastard. I don't want to ruin the image of my sexy wife with images of...that." He ducked down to look level into my eyes. "I think it's great that you breast-feed Deacon. I do. Just...I just think it should be done discreetly."

I sucked in a breath and he held up his hands defensively. "Now wait. I know it's old-fashioned and sexist. I do. And I was all for the nurse-ins and laws allowing women to nurse in public but..." He spoke softly so as not to anger me further, "You're my wife."

That was the end of the conversation. So, I began complying just to keep the peace. I could sort of see where he was coming from. Sort of. I'd steal away to another room to nurse Deacon in private. If we were out and the place didn't have a nursing room, I excused myself out to the car. He didn't seem to understand that this made me feel like a second-class citizen. I missed out on dinners, parties, company. Deacon nursed every hour and a half, at least. More often it was sooner than that, especially when he was going through growth spurts. He refused bottles or pacifiers all together. He was gaining weight and growing perfectly, so I didn't mind the sacrifices I was making at all.

In spite of the fact I sat in a secluded area of our back yard and never mind that I wore a nursing cover and not an inch of skin could be seen, he still insisted I go inside. The more I dwelled on it, alone in our home while all our friends and family were outside enjoying the party I slaved over to put together, the more upset I got. Deacon's squirming and crying, however, snapped me out of my self-pitty so I settled myself into the chase and consoled myself that it was much cooler inside anyway and the chair was much more comfortable than the lawn furniture.

I smoothed out the downy soft hair of my baby while he greedily swallowed the liquid-gold. Softly humming and toying with the curls at the ends of his hair. I was so engrossed in the marvel he was, that I didn't hear anyone come into the house until Mr. Michaels spoke up.

"I'm sorry, Megan. I don't mean to disturb you." He entered the family room and smiled down at the babe at my breast. "They're so precious at that age. Then they start talking and..." we both laughed at the face he made.

"You're not bothering me, Mr. Michaels. Can I get you something?"

"I was actually looking for the rest room." He said, craning his neck back into the hall-way.

"Oh, you turned the wrong way when you came in. Back through the kitchen, first door on the right." I smiled and he nodded, taking his leave.

Mr. Michaels was Greg's new boss and a large reason why we were throwing this party. He was a transplant from another law firm, recruited to help the sinking ship and Greg wanted to make a good impression. Mr. Michaels brought big names and big money clients with him. Greg was angling to make partner so it wouldn't hurt to befriend the new senior partner. Rumor was, Mr. Michaels was impressed with young talented and hungry lawyers. He himself was only in his late-thirties.

A moment later, I was burping Deacon high on my shoulder when he reappeared with a bottle of water in hand. "I thought you might like something to drink." He offered, handing me the bottle covered with condensation.

"Well thank you, Mr. Michaels." I grinned, twisted the top off and took a drink before I continued trying to get Deacon to burp.

"I hear nursing moms are supposed to drink more water. And please, call me Jake." He said, coming around to crouch down to admire and coo at the baby. "Why aren't you outside enjoying the party?"

"Little man here insisted on being fed." rubbing Deacon's back in circles was the charm and he finally let go of the burp.

"Good job, buddy." Jake laughed and a ran a soft finger over the baby's hair. "He really is a handsome boy."

"Thank you." I beamed as I inconspicuously pulled my shirt back down over my breast. "Would you like to hold him?" I asked.

"Ahh." He glanced at me over the top of Deacons head. "I don't know." he laughed nervously. "Mine were 4 and 8 when I married their mom." Coming around to sit next to me on the couch portion of the sectional. "Support his head, right?" He held out his arms and I placed Deacon in them.

"Yup. Just..." I helped position his hand, "There. See? A natural."

"Wow. He's so little." He gently rocked him.

We sat there for a while, quietly watching Deacon in his alert state. Looking around. Licking his lips. Flexing his fingers. Until he once again began to root and squirm, trying to find the source of his next meal.

"Ah. He's still hungry." I informed Jake as he handed him back to me.

"The main course." he grinned. "Sometimes I wish we would have had our own. I missed this part. The baby stage."

I didn't know how to respond. He seemed so sad when he said it. I'm sure he loved his children and anything I might have said may have made it seem like I believed he loved them less because he hadn't raised them from infancy. So I just smiled softly while my free hand was busy under my shirt, unhooking the other side of my nursing bra.

"It's not too late," I blurted out, not even intending to say anything on the subject. "I mean," I rushed to continue, "Maybe you two could have a baby now. You're still young." I blushed. Now I sounded disingenuous or like I was trying to suck up.

"I'd love to but..." He shrugged and stood up, giving me his back while he looked out the window, presumably to give me my privacy while I got Deacon latched on. When he did turn back around, I had a receiving blanket draped over us both. "Melissa, my wife, she was done having babies before we met. She had a tubal ligation after her last was born."

"Oh." Again, not knowing what else to say.

"I didn't think it would bother me. I was a busy lawyer. A ready-made family seemed like a god-send and the kids..." he lit up, "they are great. But...I admit I am a bit envious of my friends experiencing pregnancy and infancy."

I gave him a friendly smile. And he laughed with a shake of his head. "Make sure I stay away from the open bar the rest of the night, ok?" Returning back to his seat. "I'm sorry. I didn't even ask if you'd rather be alone." Gesturing to the nursing baby.

"No. You are more than welcome, Mr. M...Jake." I grinned. It was at that time Deacon decided to start batting at the blanket impeding his view and fresh air. I replaced it but he was not having it. He began to protest with a loud cry and although I tried to duck under the blanket to reattach him, he would let go and swat at the blanket.

"I...I will let you nurse your baby in private." I glanced up at Jake, my cheeks tinted pink with embarrassment but I nodded graciously. He hesitated for a moment as if he was going to say something else but instead smiled. "I'll see you outside, Mrs. Clancy."

He left and I stared at his back. Why the formality with last names after he insisted I call him by his first name? I considered it for a moment but when a reason didn't present itself, I dismissed it from my mind and finished feeding Deacon.