I hate airports. Glazed eyes, body odor, travel-zombies trudging about glancing at their boarding passes over and over again, the information apparently never penetrating into their brains. The food is expensive and always sub-par, the whole place smells like canned air and, mystifyingly, cigarettes, despite the smoking areas being sealed off away from the general population.
Still, I'd generally rather be sitting outside the gate wedged between a fat man spilling out of his Winnie the Pooh T-shirt and a mother trying to calm her shrieking child than be on a plane. Planes are worse. That canned-air smell makes me claustrophobic even before I get into the thing, and then I don't fit in the seats right, the person next to me keeps touching me inadvertently (or on purpose- middle-aged men are the worst offenders), and I'm also in a tube of metal that will soon fly at high altitude near 600 miles per hour. Absolutely
loathe
passenger airplanes.
Unfortunately, they're required sometimes. I'm a researcher, and every once in a while I get a chance to go somewhere different and look through some archives. That's pretty great, but I generally need to fly to these new destinations.
All in all, it's really not as bad as I pretend. This time I was on my way to California to do some work at the Huntington Library. It was winter at home in Salt Lake City, and not even the fun kind of winter with snow and beautiful sights. Just ice on windshields and horrific smog. On the other hand, Long Beach, the terminus of my flight, was at about 65 degrees, and thus much more appealing. As an added bonus, the flight was nearly empty. A red-eye, so it made sense, but even a bit more empty than normal. It was nice, though. Can't normally stretch out and occupy a lot of space on an Airbus A380, after all.
I'd brought a book. It was a little less than a two-hour flight, and I'd have to make my way to my lodgings upon arrival, so I figured sleep would be counterproductive. Raskolnikov's fevered worries of detection did away with my own of plane crashes; I settled in, sprawling across my assigned window seat and the unoccupied center one, and lost myself in Porfiry Petrovich's wordy suppositions. It was fairly cold in the plane, but I wore a nice sweater and that was practically a blanket; nestling my chin into its cozy knit collar, I tried as hard as possible to ignore the safety briefing.
"Ma'am?"
Another voice yanked me out of my book. It was one of the flight attendants, a peroxide-blonde amalgamation of plastic surgery, age, and spray tan stuffed into a uniform. "Ma'am, I'm going to need you to put your seat back in the upright and locked position."
I hadn't adjusted the seat. Squirming around to look back, I saw that it was canted half an inch back. Clearly an accident waiting to happen.
"Sorry." I muttered, poking the little button in the armrest; the seat back clicked forwards, and the flight attendant gave me a little fake smile with unnaturally large pink-painted lips. "Thank you!" she said, insincerity dripping from her words like strawberry syrup off an IHOP short stack.
I went back to my book. Thankfully, she walked away, ass implants jiggling as she stalked down the aisle. I've never understood the plastic surgery thing, but I suppose I was gifted with a passable body by nature, so I've got no room to speak. I've got real tits that don't look like pancakes, and an ass that I've been told is "scrumptious", albeit by a college professor who was later fired for having sex with a student, and I'm honestly terrified of needles, so surgical enhancement isn't quite my cup of tea.
The safety briefing was over. Something whined and shook in the belly of the plane; the flight attendant who had been giving the briefing stumbled on her heels as she tried to pick up her demonstration oxygen mask from the deck. She managed to recover with the help of an armrest, and, flustered, hurried up towards the cockpit as soon as she'd collected her items. I could hear muffled laughter at that; looking around, I found its source a row behind me and across the aisle, a guy slouching in his seat wearing a beaten grey leather jacket over a Star Wars T-shirt. Kind of a dick move to laugh at another's misfortune like that, but it was something we all did, I decided.
The Airbus shook again, and we began to taxi away from the gate. I tried to shut out the odd noises that emanated from below the deck by reading, but I couldn't, distracted as I was by those noises. Looking out the window, I focused on the wingtip, telling myself that it would be all right, but then I began to think about that one Twilight Zone episode with William Shatner, and had to look away for fear of gremlins.
But at least there weren't too many people on the airplane, right?
The plane began to move forwards, faster and faster, shaking and bouncing, while all I could think of was crashes on the runway and how I didn't want to die with this smell being the last, but finally we were in the air and I could attempt to relax. Trying to control my breathing, I closed my eyes and counted slowly.
"Hey, you okay?"
My eyes snapped open. The leather jacket guy was looking at me, leaning on his armrest. Genuine concern seemed to show in his blue-green eyes; reaching up, he scratched at his forehead, right where his short blonde curls met the skin. "You don't look too good."
Yeah, I probably didn't. Injecting no small amount of sarcasm into my voice, I motioned at my body. "Well, shit, I've been told I normally look pretty good. Wonder what happened."
"I'm going to guess you got on an airplane and are not enjoying it."
I rolled my eyes. "Really, Captain Obvious?"
He took the hint and shrugged, leaning back in his seat. At the same time his hand went down to adjust his jeans, and something caught my eye.
He had to have something in his pocket. It couldn't be that. Dicks like that didn't really exist outside of porn.
I like big dicks. I fucking love big dicks. Honestly, I'm very much a size queen. I've had my share of eight inchers, once even a guy with nine, but they were very rare. I often had to settle. But when I fantasized, when I played with my clit at night, I thought of massive cocks. Abnormally huge, throbbing pillars of flesh- God, it sounds really weird, but imagine a cock so big I could hug it, wrap my arms around it, pressing my tits against the silky flesh and feel it throb.
The bulge in the guy's pants wasn't quite that big. It was still notable, though, that's for damn sure. I forgot about how he'd laughed at the flight attendant, about how dumb his "Many Moods of Darth Vader" shirt was- none of that mattered anymore. I shut
Crime and Punishment
, even forgetting to mark my spot.
How was I to get my hands on that slab of meat this guy appeared to be hiding, however poorly?
I was still looking over to him, my right elbow on the armrest. "So... you like Star Wars?" I asked, hopefully.
He looked up again. "Uh, yeah. Why?"
"The shirt."
The guy grinned, his smile lopsided. Was he just like that, or had he learned it to emulate Han Solo? Either way, it was a good look for him. "Yeah. Not the new Disney garbage, but proper Star Wars."
And now I was out of my depth. Dare I ask the difference? Sure, the new stuff was pretty terrible, but so was Episode II. Or did he mean just the original trilogy? So much to worry about. I bit the bullet. "Proper Star Wars?" I asked, crossing my arms and pushing my tits up, in the time-honored classic move, attempting to perhaps redirect his attention.
"Yeah, the Expanded Universe and all. You know, the books? They had it all written out, from a thousand years before-"
A fucking
nerd.
With a gigantic cock. A fucking Star Wars nerd. Okay, I'm a historical researcher, and I might like a bit of Tolkien, but that's just basic nerd level. This guy here? Talking about the Star Wars Expanded Universe? Shit, at least he had the dick. Nobody would ever fuck him otherwise.
Well, it looked like he had the dick, at least. Still needed to verify. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't already a bit horny at this point. Maybe a bit is an understatement.
I let him pontificate for a minute or two. What else was I to do? He was pretty passionate about the subject. My bounteous cleavage hadn't distracted him really at all. So what to do? What approach would work better? I pondered momentarily, before I realized.
He's a
guy
. Doesn't take much for them.
He finally stopped talking for half a second, and I took that chance. "Also, is that actually your dick there?" I asked, nodding towards the bulge in his jeans.
Seemed to catch him by surprise. He blinked, looked down, looked back up at me, looked back down, gaze lingering on my tits for a moment, and then again up to my face. "Yeah, I guess."