Loving Authority Ch 10

Chapter 10 - Embracing Desire

Mark lay awake for hours. "

What the fuck just happened?

" rattled round his head on a loop. He listened to Emily breathing next to him -- she was sleeping soundly, obviously at peace with herself.

Why had he caved in to her so readily? Why had he let her bring Max back to his own bedroom? Why hadn't he pushed open the door, strode inside and punched Max in the face, instead of listening at the keyhole in the cold hallway?

Why?

But Mark knew why. As he thought of the noises he had heard, he felt a familiar rush of blood to his groin. He imagined Emily's smile as she saw Max naked. He visualised her hands on Max's body. He pictured Emily in raptures as Max pleasured her, he dreamt of them kissing in a tender moment to punctuate their intense passion, and he saw her look of delight when Max came inside her.

"

What the fuck is wrong with me?

" wondered Mark, as he wrapped his hand around his erection. A longing for novelty, a hunger for power play, an urge for erotic humiliation and a thirst for vicarious fulfilment --

that

was what was wrong with him.

Tonight's events had been far removed from the vanilla sex he and Emily had once enjoyed, and that Mark had found dull. This was visceral stuff. Mark felt the punch of emotion deep within him; the pain of jealousy, the fear of replacement, the worry of rejection, the thrill of voyeurism, the magnetism of love. This was what he had wanted, and he had received it a hundredfold more that he had bargained for.

Mark slid out of bed, his body now straining urgently in his boxers. He slid into the dark bathroom and silently jerked himself off for the second time in hours, obtaining blissful release to the memory of Emily's wail of ecstasy.

*******

Mark slept late the next day. He only woke when the mattress dipped a little as Emily sat next to him, having already got up to make tea. She placed a mug of the steaming liquid on a coaster next to him and stroked his hair.

"Morning, sleepyhead," she said softly.

His eyes opened slowly, and it took a few moments to remember all that had happened. He reached out for Emily's hand and squeezed it gently as everything came rushing back.

"Morning, Em." Both sat quietly as they held hands, until Emily broke the silence.

"You should have your tea, it's getting cold."

Mark pushed himself up to lift the cup and took a gulp, while Emily remained by his side. She watched him drinking, trying to pluck up the courage to open a deeper conversation.

"You know I love you completely, don't you Mark? I would never want to hurt you, no matter what happens."

Mark reached to squeeze her hand again. "I know Em. I feel the same."

They sat quietly some more, before Emily dared to speak again.

"That was quite a night -- for both of us."

Both listened to the hum of traffic outside and stared into empty space. After more time was marked by the ticking of her bedside clock, Emily tried to engage Mark in conversation yet again. "You know, he asked me to go out with him again next weekend -- but I've already said no."

The quiet returned. Mark lazily traced his finger around Emily's palm, following the lines like he was completing a maze.

"Mmmm hmmmm," he replied after what seemed forever, without looking up.

Emily looked at him, silently willing him to make eye contact. She tried to open the conversation once more.

"I think it's for the best."

Max continued to move his fingers for a moment before stopping and looking up at her.

"You do?" he said, a question in his voice. He resumed his mapping.

Emily pulled her hand away.

"Mark!" she said, frustrated. "Stop it! Just tell me what's in your head!"

Mark smiled, feeling he had the upper hand for the first time in weeks.

"After careful reflection," he began, "I think I

did

enjoy last night." Emily raised an eyebrow as she remembered his sobs.

"Well, maybe I didn't enjoy

most

of last night," Mark revised, "but I liked it in principle. Enough that I might like to try again, anyway. But if there

is

a next time, you can't shut me out like you did last night."

"We didn't, you were just downst..." Emily protested, before Mark cut her off.

"Em, you

did

shut me out -- literally

and

metaphorically."

Emily took a breath. It was hard to dispute the truth.

"I'm sorry I shut you out," she replied, simply and sincerely. "Mark, honey, there's no time for much to happen anyway. Max is going back to Australia in two weeks, he was only here for a year and his contract is up."

"Huh," said Mark in reply. This was news to him. He felt a sagging sensation inside himself as he digested her words -- he realised he actually felt

disappointed

. "That's a shame," he added.

Emily was interested to hear more about Mark's reflections on last night, but he wasn't exactly being forthcoming. She gave a verbal nudge.

"So, you were saying...?"

Mark smiled internally. He knew it was important to seize opportunities when they presented themselves, and if Max was leaving, the time was now. What might be managed in two weeks...?

"

If

there's a next time, I need to be more involved."

"Okaayyy," Emily drawled, eyes narrowing, unsure about the direction this was going. "But how might that work, exactly? There's no way Max is going to go anywhere near you, I don't think he'd be into that..." She shuddered as she imagined Mark and Max touching each other. "Hang on a moment, are

you

into that?!"

Mark blanched. "Shit, Em, no -- that's not what I meant." He grimaced at the thought of going anywhere near Max -- Emily had just discovered a huge flaw in his carefully planned presentation.

"I just meant upstairs. I'd be upstairs. With you. I hated being shut away -- it was torture! I didn't know if you were OK, I imagined terrible things, I was

worried

for you. And it was just awful being able to hear but not see..." He finally looked at her properly, hope in his eyes.

Emily considered his words.

Now

she knew what he wanted. It seemed so simple -- just to watch! She'd never really thought about the unkindness of keeping him outside. "I guess it was a bit mean," she said, downplaying her heartless and selfish behaviour. She knew inside that he was right -- her conduct had not been justifiable, and now her defences had crumbled under the slightest scrutiny. She gripped his hand in both of hers. "I promise Mark, I promise to treat you better."

Another long stretch of quiet contemplation followed, and the clock continued marking the passage of time. This time the silence was broken by Mark.

"So, if you

did

want to see Max again, I've had some ideas about how things could work..."

*******

Throughout the day, Emily appeared rejuvenated, her energy levels high and her mood bright. She and Mark felt whole again -- and the thought of seeing Max with Mark's blessing was invigorating. Mark's request was a little unsettling, but if it made him happy, she was on board. The main question was how to broach the subject with Max...

Mark himself felt a strange sense of relief, having unburdened his feelings from the previous night and obtained cast iron reassurance that Emily loved him -- no, that they loved each other. And he too was interested in trying this thing again, but

properly

this time.

That evening, as they lay in bed, the familiar comfort of holding each other brought a sense of peace. Mark reached out an arm and stroked her side, wondering if Emily may want more. He slid his hand over her abdomen. Emily quickly moved her hand to cover his, holding it still and gently moving it away.

"Mark, I'm so sorry, but... do you mind if we don't?" she said with a nervous look. "I really do love you, but to be honest, well... I'm still a bit sore."

Mark's mind involuntarily pictured imagined scenes from the previous night. He hadn't seen a thing, but he had heard enough to picture things perfectly in his head -- Max's size, and Emily's beaming face as he had entered her. The realization that Emily was still physically affected by her encounter

should

have been a hard blow, but he actually smiled. "It's hot, when you think about it," he pondered. "It's like you're Aphrodite seducing Adonis. My wife --

Sex Goddess!

"

Emily laughed and rolled her eyes before cuddling closer to him, her hand resting on his chest. "I love you so much Marky," she said, melting Mark's mood once more. In this moment of calm, both were at ease with their recent past, and with each other.

*******

Emily was back on night duties the following week -- four consecutive days of 12-hour shifts caring for children in the small hours, that saw her and Mark pass like ships in the night. Emily would arrive home from work each morning and collapse into bed just as Mark got up, and she would leave for the hospital as he finished his last phone call. There was no opportunity for intimacy or cuddles with lives like this; there was barely time to discuss their shopping list or whether the car needed filling up, let alone their earnest hopes and private desires. The gruelling week took an age to be over, until at last Friday morning arrived and Emily completed her last shift.

The day after a run of nights was always tricky to judge -- should you stay up and power through in the hope you can bump your body clock into synch with the rest of the world, or nap and wake up groggy and out-of-sorts? Emily was no napper. After breakfast with her team, she hit the pool and managed 50 lengths in a new personal best. After a run on the treadmill, a trip to the club's spa followed.

Emily often went to the spa after completing her night shifts, and would usually opt for a shoulder massage or a manicure as a gift to herself. Today, she had other ideas; her preparations for her date with Max had begun.

The list of available treatments was vast, and Emily scanned her eyes down the page. Finally finding what she was looking for, she spoke in a low voice to the receptionist, a little embarrassed at her request.

"I'd like to book from the 'Grooming' list please -- the leg waxing if you can fit me in? And," Emily bent towards the receptionist and lowered her voice further to ensure privacy, "a bikini wax." She straightened up again so as not to draw attention to the conversation.

"Certainly madam, we can fit you in this afternoon," the receptionist replied loudly. "One leg wax, and one bikini wax." Emily blushed as a man filling his water bottle looked up at her, his eyes wide and lingering a while on her Lululemon-clad arse before he managed to drag his gaze away.

"What sort of bikini wax would you like?" the receptionist asked without looking up from her computer screen. The man finished filling his bottle but appeared in no hurry to move on, slowly taking a swig as he loitered by the tap. The receptionist looked away from her screen to stare enquiringly at Emily, waiting her reply.

Emily had never had a complete wax before, but the idea of trying the hairless look for the weekend appealed to her. She thought Max would like it -- and Mark too... She leant forwards, speaking in her quietest voice.

"Hollywood, please."

"So that's one full leg wax, and one Hollywood bikini wax booked in for you at one o'clock," the receptionist confirmed at full volume.

An intense redness signalled Emily's embarrassment. Water bottle man suddenly seemed to be done. With one last glance in Emily's direction, he left the gym grinning.

*******

Emily came home mid-afternoon and sat on the sofa for watching TV while Mark was still working. Her skin tingled from the aftershock of her waxing. "

Why

do women do that to themselves?!" Emily marvelled. As Mark finished his last email, she blearily walked into his study and wrapped her arms round his neck.

"I need to go to bed Mark, I'm spent," she yawned. Mark felt starved of affection. His last meaningful conversation with his wife had been almost a week ago, and

that

had been to suggest a quick round of infidelity this weekend. Somehow, neither of them had managed to find the time to mention it again, and Saturday was almost upon them -- the last he'd heard was that Emily had called the whole thing off.

Mark turned in his chair to face her and took her hands in his. "OK, Em, you look knackered -- get to bed. But look, before you go, about tomorrow... I guess you decided against it? I'm OK with that, I really am, but... I don't know... I guess, I was almost looking forward to it, if that's not too strange a thing to say?"

Despite her tiredness, Emily immediately broke out into a wide smile. She had been waiting for Mark to have the courage to talk to her about it, and finally --

finally

-- he'd managed it.

"We're on," she said with a grin, "I was wondering when you would ask..." She brought out her phone to show Mark the deluge of texts she had been exchanging with Max over the last few days. Messages had flowed between them, and Emily's enthusiasm in communicating with Max was obvious. Mark scrolled through the chat -- it was unsurprisingly spicy, given the circumstances that had preceded the conversation.

Hot Max

Last night was amazing, I can't stop thinking about it

You

I know! Me too. I'm all over the place today. You really know how to make a girl feel special :-)

Hot Max

Like I said, I've never had any complaints!! And you're a great shag too.

You

Max!!!! That's not what I meant! (^_^)

Hot Max

It was pretty cool your husband was ok with everything -- I didn't see that coming! ;-)

You

Mark's a good guy, I think he liked it too...

Hot Max

Yeah? Not sure I'd like my wife spending the night with another bloke - but I'm stoked if he does!

Want to make some more memories? I'm available this weekend if you can fit me in... ╭ᑎ╮

You

Max! Stop it!

I'm a good girl, Max. Are you trying to corrupt me?

Hot Max

Hell yes...

You

Then I guess I could make myself available...

Mark scrolled on through the messages. There was barely mention of him after the first exchange.

"Em," he asked, looking at her exhilarated expression as he read, "this is exciting, but, well, I don't see any mention of me being any more involved -- I mean in the room, like we discussed. I want this to happen, I want you to be happy, but

I

want to be happy too."

Emily bent down so that her face was centimetres from his.

"I promise you will be there. With me.

Trust me

." She leant in to kiss him before turning for bed.

*******

As she lay in her pyjamas, Emily considered her preparations. Manicure -- done. Wax -- done. Hair -- tomorrow. Outfit -- chosen. Everything was coming together nicely. Just one small factor remained.

How would she tell Max that Mark would be watching?

*******

Emily was fast asleep when Mark came up to bed. He watched her as she slept. "

Trust me,

" she had said.

"

Can

I trust her?" Mark wondered. He desperately wanted to. They had been good together, good for

each other

, for years. He loved her completely - there would never be another woman for him, and he was

fairly

confident she loved him just as much. But somehow, both of them had found themselves in a situation where they had actively sought an intrusion into their happy world.

There was still plenty of time for pain and upset to visit them;

thank God

Max was due to leave their lives -- hopefully forever -- in a week. It was one thing to enjoy a short-term tryst, but Mark was glad that Max would soon be gone. Mark sighed, worried this could only end badly; he didn't want anyone to get hurt. Well, except perhaps Max.

He crept on to the mattress beside Emily, trying not to disturb her, and fell asleep as the sound of foxes fighting and distant sirens drifted in through the open window.