Linda Joins The Navy

Linda was doing very well in the police force and one day she was called in by her superintendent.

"Well WPC Smith, I have some good news for you. The Home Office and the M.O.D. are trialling a joint scheme which gives members of the armed forces and members of the police force and the other emergency services, an opportunity to do an exchange for a month. I have been asked to submit a name within 48 hours, of someone from this station who would benefit from it and also be a credit to the force. It will be a radical change and hard work but from the very first day we saw you at this station we have been impressed by your stamina (see Linda joins the police force!) and you have been an exemplary officer ever since. How do you feel about being nominated?"

"It would be an honour, sir," Linda replied "can I ask when this will happen?"

"Well it would only be a nomination at this stage" said the super " but I will know within three days and then, so I understand, the very first few of the trialists will start two weeks after that."

"And do I get a choice as to where I go, sir?" she asked.

"I don't know Smith," came the reply "but do you have a preference?"

"Well I have always fancied going to sea, sir." she said.

"Well o.k I will pass that on and see what I can do."

"Thank you sir." said Linda and exited the superintendents office.

So two weeks later Linda, whose nomination had been accepted, found herself at Devonport walking along the quayside to report to HMS Erudite.

She was a type 23 frigate and was bound for duty off the Western coast of Africa. Linda had been doing some homework and knew a bit about her, for example that she carried a Lynx helicopter and she was looking forward to possibly scrounging a flight in that. The crew numbered about 180 made up both of male and female personnel. There were two other non service personnel who, like her, had been nominated to take part in this first trial and she was to link up with them on board, two other girls as she understood

She was wearing her smartest uniform and turned a few heads as she walked up the gangplank to board the boat.

HMS Erudite was due to leave that afternoon and should be on station in about a weeks time, stopping off at Gibraltar for a few days, on the way.

...

A frigate, being one of the smaller boats in the navy, is more susceptible to weather than some others and the crossing of the Bay of Biscay proved to be a bit lively, so much so that when they arrived at Gibraltar the two other girls had had enough and disembarked to go back home ( in disgrace thought Linda...softies!)

While they were docked she got her ride in the helicopter, which flew out over the Mediterranean for about 15 minutes before returning to the stable deck of the anchored up frigate.

Upon landing she was called to the bridge and given some news. Instead of just stooging around off the West African coast , the boat had been ordered to proceed to Durban and she was asked whether she wanted to stay aboard or go home like the other two girls.

Without hesitation she stated that she would stay aboard.

"You do realise that this means you will be crossing the equator." said the officer to whom she was speaking "Have you done that before?"

"No," replied Linda "why?"

"Well. There is a very small and quiet ceremony that first timers have to take part in," he said "nothing to worry about."

As she left the bridge Linda wondered what that was all about. As she started to descend again to deck level she was sure that she heard a loud chorus of laughter coming from the bridge!

It was an uneventful next few days as the boat steamed down the coast of Africa. Linda spent most of her time being shown around in detail to all the main areas of the boat.

She was quite interested in the radar and sonar ops room learning quite a bit and spent a lot of time with the personnel there.

In turn she gave a few talks to some crew members about life in the police force and in the Dog Handling section in particular (leaving out some of the detail!)

It seemed that a few people that she spoke to had got to know that she had never been across the equator and when she asked about the ceremony, she only received off hand comments about it being nothing much and that all the crew has done it. Evidently the only special thing about it was that the captain was planning to cross the Equator on the Prime Meridian in the Bay of Guinea and only a few people had done that, but everyone assured her it would be o.k..

So two days after leaving Gibraltar they had reached the magic location. Two WRNs had been allocated to Linda to ready her for the event and all three were in her cabin.

"There will be a bit of water involved," said one of them " so if you have a swimsuit with you,it may be worth wearing it."

Linda had not put it on so on far this trip. It had been a bad choice to bring she thought with hindsight as, with all the male sailors around, it was a little skimpy. The bottom was more or less a thong which was fastened by being tied on either hip and the top consisted of two small triangles of material which barely covered half of each breast; they were held in place by the thinnest of straps which were fastened halter fashion, by a bow behind her neck

" We have bought an extra large shirt with us for you to put over the top ," she continued "as we need to go through the male quarters."

Linda, after putting that on, was glad to see that it almost came down to her knees.

The boat's klaxon went off; one long blast followed by two short ones.

"That's it we're there," said the second WRN and opened the door of the cabin. "just one more thing, as the venue is secret we must blindfold you and lead you there."

Linda, thinking that this was perfectly harmless, willingly agreed and after the blindfold was secured the two WRNs each took one of her hands and lead her out.A couple of minutes later after climbing some steps and navigating several corridors, Linda could tell by the warm breeze that they were somewhere out on deck.

"Ok we can take this off now," said one of the WRNs and the shirt was removed leaving Linda in just her swimsuit She was sat in a chair and then to her surprise, her forearms and ankles were strapped to it.

The next thing to happen was that her blindfold was removed.

She gasped! She was on the main deck but instead of the small number of people she had been led to believe would take part in the ceremony, as she looked around it seemed that most of the ship's company were on deck as well and she was in the middle of a crowd of people, some sitting, some standing and some on any vantage point they could find to see her.

She was strapped to a large high backed chair which she thought must have been ceremonial and the chair was in turn in the middle of a large tarpaulin which had been spread over the deck. There were two other vacant chairs next to her.

Looking further around she could see several large containers nearby which, from the guided tour she had been given of the galley area, looked suspiciously like tubs from their storeroom and with growing trepidation, wondered what fate was about to befall her.

King Neptune stepped forward to Linda.

"As you have crossed the Equator at the Prime Meridian," he said "and you will be a special Royal Diamond Shellback, you must undergo a special ritual and furthermore as there were to be three of you initiated today, it falls upon you to endure all three trials. Let the first ceremony begin!"

Two sailors came forward carrying what appeared to be a crown but as they got nearer Linda could see that it was made of meringue. It was placed upon her head but then the two men pushed down on it so the rim ended up like a necklace. The meringue was soft and gooey inside and was rubbed firmly into her hair and face. One of the two then picked up a large jug and holding it over her head tipped it. It was chocolate sauce which, normally, Linda liked but as it poured over her head and down over her shoulders and chest it felt cold and sticky.

So that she could see what was happening/coming they wiped away the mess from her eyes then walked off.

Two more approached, picked up one of the large tubs and carried it nearer. Taking off the lid they plunged their hands inside and drew them out with great dollops of what looked like strawberry jam.

This in turn was rubbed into her hair and face. They took more handfuls and smeared the jam over her shoulders and chest (they seemed to take their time over coating her chest and bikini top) to many loud cheers from the crowd.

Then a third pair opened another tub which was treacle and this time the whole tub was upturned above her and they held it there for several minutes as the entire contents covered her in a thick dark goo.

Again willing hands rubbed the treacle in over her body and over her legs with some dumped inside her bikini bottom.

"Ughhh, that's sticky!" she cried but wriggled about a bit to the delight of the crowd.

"OK," said Neptune "clean her up and then she can undergo the second ordeal!"

With that two of the sailors grabbed a nearby (already unrolled) hose and drenched the helpless Linda in a blast of sea water. It soon cleared away most of the muck although her hair was still pretty gungy and when Linda was able to open her eyes and looked around her and at herself she saw that the force of the hose had blown aside part of her bikini top, completely exposing her left nipple( a fact not unnoticed by the front row of the crowd).

"As I said," continued Neptune "unfortunately for you my dear, as we had prepared for three of you some days ago and you are the only one left, you must complete all parts of the three ceremonies. For the next round we have our barrel race. "

Three barrels were rolled up and stood on end. They were about 4 feet high and 2 feet six inches in diameter and made out of some sort of fibre board. The lids had a grille of about 10" square let into it with 1" holes.

Linda was untied from the chair and stood up. She went to put her bikini top back in position but Neptune said to her "Any item of clothing that is damaged must be removed and I deem that as damaged . Take it off!"

Linda opened her mouth to protest but knew that if she did not take it off it would probably be removed forcibly anyhow so, to a deafening chorus of wolf whistles, she obeyed the command .

"Once you are in the barrel, then your pusher , Petty Officer Jones., will run you round the deck on the course marked out." and he indicated tape markings on the deck.

"One lap is normally the length of the race but as the other two competitors have dropped out you must do all three and at the start of each new lap you will be given their trial. You are in barrel 1. In you go!"

Two burly sailors lifted Linda up and placed her in the barrel. She immediately squealed. The barrel had been given a thick layer of grease on the inside and at the bottom was a puddle which she was to find out was a mixture of grease and oil. Her head was pushed down and the lid replaced and clipped on, the barrel was laid on it's side.

The grille gave her plenty of air and as the barrel started being pushed towards the start, she tried to brace herself with her hands against the side but found that the greasy layer made any sort of leverage impossible and although it was being moved quite slowly she was soon smeared with grease and oil from puddle which now lay along the bottom of the barrel.

She heard Neptune call out "Racers ready, Go!" and she was immediately thrown about inside the barrel as PO Jones began running around the track. Being only about 100 yards long around the deck, it came to a stop after about 20 seconds but that was enough time for her to get covered in the slimy mixture of oil and grease.

As soon as the barrel stopped it was hauled upright and the lid taken off. Linda went to stand up but was met by firm hands holding her in place.

"Racer two would have had this in the barrel," said the King and two large buckets were poured in on top of her.

"That's not fair!" wailed Linda.

"I know." smirked Neptune.

They were collected slops from the mess hall. In the first one there was gravy, potato peelings, fish pie, shepherd's pie, macaroni, bits of fish, cold stew , peas onions, cold mashed potato and lots of other things. Then as soon as that was empty the second was added. That one contained leftovers from puddings, rice pudding, apple crumble, custard, ice cream, bread and butter pudding, syrup pudding, jelly,yoghurt and more. The lid was replaced again and the barrel, again, run around the track.

On completion of the second lap the lid was again taken off. Linda did not move this time as she knew what to expect, she just looked and shrieked in protest as a 10 gallon drum of old cooking oil poised over the opening, was poured over her.

By now she was a complete mess with bits of old food scraps stuck all over her and completely coated in a horrible mixture of grease, oil, cooking oil and other odd stuff.

At last the third lap was completed and dazed and disoriented she was lifted out of the barrel by a couple of seamen. As she was lifted out, one of the side ties of her thong caught on the clip of the catch and pulled it undone.

Loosened, the thong slipped down over her thighs and legs onto the floor to a great cheer and round of applause.

She was now naked in front of a hundred or so randy sailors and erotically, covered in nearly every messy, sticky substance readily available on a boat (except one which you, the reader, can probably think off but don't be impatient! ) and could offer no resistance to whatever was lined up for her next.

She was once again subjected to a hosing down which exposed totally, her naked body to everyone on the deck.

"We forgot the second crown," cried Neptune " sit her on the middle throne but put the third in place as well."

Two more of the gooey filled crowns were brought out. One was placed on the seat of the throne and Linda was pushed firmly down upon it. Dazed as she still was she felt the goo squidge up between her legs and up her bottom, not an unpleasant experience! Then the third crown was, as the first had been, placed on her head and firmly pushed down so that the crust hung round her neck. The goo on her head was massaged into her hair and face and down over her chest.

"Now, just to remind you that you are British," said Neptune "we have some red white and blue for you."

Three sailors approached her and one after the other poured a 5 litre can of paint over her head in colour order. As a final touch one of the empty cans of paint was placed on her head, a sheet draped over one shoulder (leaving her breasts exposed), a homemade trident put in her hand and a large round basin lid placed at her feet. She was now a red, white and blue wet painted representation of Britannia and lots of cameras flashed away no doubt to post and circulate round the fleet.

"Now, to finish before you go to the mess, we must wash you down." said Neptune.

So for a third time Linda was subjected to the hose blasting sea water at her.

At last they set off and amid cheers and clapping, she was led away (albeit naked) and inside to the officers mess.

When she arrived she saw that there were about half a dozen officers there (including two women).

"Now for the very last bit of today's ceremony," grinned Neptune and Linda was bent over the mess table and secured firmly by ankles and wrists.

"Just to give you our blessings for the voyage." he added.

After about 30 minutes she was released and a towel wrapped round her.

"Tell me, o Mighty Neptune," she said looking at him "is there a ceremony for rounding The Cape of Good Hope?"

"Not officially," he replied "but I am sure that we could think of something." and they both laughed!