Leahs New Normal

Leah begins to wake up. She feels gluey, her mind cloudy and slow, as though her brain was a computer rebooting too slowly. She was aware of sound first. Beeps, a tv on low, the dialogue almost inaudible. The clatter of a metal cart rolled down a hallway. She opens her eyes slowly, they are matted almost shut. Too bright, she squeezes her eyes shut, and moves slightly. Multiple alarm bells in her slowly clearing consciousness go off as bolts of pain radiate up from her toes and fingertips to her core. Frozing, confused, she slowly opens her eyes again. She is aware of a far away voice saying her name. Her name being said comes into focus for her before her vision. She recognizes the speaker. Her stepsister Mia is saying her name.

"Leah...Leah, can you hear me? I am right here, bug, I am right here. Leah?" Mia calls her 'Bug' a nick name from the past.

"Mia" Leah attempts to say, but her throat is dry as sandpaper and all that comes out is a gravelly hiss.

"Shhh, do you want a drink? Don't try to speak yet" Mia says, in a low soothing voice, the voice she used to comfort her stepsister if she were upset.

Leah feels a straw pressed to her lips. She takes a long drink of ice water. It helps clear her head a little and Mia comes into focus. The awareness that she is in fact in the hospital dawns on her. Her brain is still cloudy, but she uses her stepsister's face and the sound of her voice as a fixed point in reality.

Mia stands over Leah, her tightly curled hair is messy, and she is wearing "comfies" (sweats and a faded oversized t-shirt and slippers. Mia reaches out and brushes a stray hair out of Leah's eyes. Mia's caramel colored hand contrasts with Leah's porcelain skin and jet black hair. At 5' 1" Mia is shorter than her stepsister, curvier, her chest fuller. Leah was willowy growing up, Mia was always shorter and on the stocky side. Mia looks down at her stepsister as she helps her drink water from the Styrofoam to-go cup.

"Better, Bug?" Mia asks

"Yes..." Leah says, almost a whisper. Her eyes dart up to Mia's face again. Mia looks old with worrier, in spite of being only two months younger than Leah herself. "Mia...what happened? Why am I...I can't remember...wh-what is going on? Why am I here? H-how long have I been here??" she pleads, her voice fuller now, tinged with anxiety, her naturally high register was even higher.

"19 days, Leah. You got sick. You left work early on the 23

rd

, and no one heard from you again. I called and called on the 24

th

, after you didn't answer I came over..." Mia paused, reliving the fear that gripped her when she unlocked the door.

The first thing that struck Mia was the smell. She could smell Leah's cat's litter box, which was unusual, Leah was nothing if not attentive to the needs of Oscar her tabby cat. Mia called her stepsister's name. As she walked down the hall to Leah's bedroom, another smell assaulted her nostrils. It was the same sour smell she remembered as a child visiting her auntie in the nursing home. Urine and shit and sickness. Opening Leah's door, Mia saw her sister in bed. Leah's thin, pale body was wrapped in a shit, and Mia was certain she was dead until a shallow rattling breath escaped Leah's lips. Mia called 911 and rushed to her stepsister's side. Leah was burning up, and her pale skin was blotched with purple, across her neck and face, her arms and her bare chest, her small breasts mottled now with a rash. Leah had messed herself. She was unconscious and barely breathing. Mia held her hand to until the paramedics arrived. Thinking about holding Leah's long fingered well-boned hand now broke Mia's heart. That was 20 days ago, Leah had laid there in her own sick and shit for two days. Mia will never forgive herself for not checking on her stepsister sooner.

"Leah" Mia's voice cracked as she looked at her stepsister in the hospital bed. Tears welled up in Mia's liquid brown eyes. Leah's own pale blue eyes searched Mia's face. "Leah, baby, you were so sick we almost lost you. The doctors said if you had gotten here any later you would not have made it. They prepared us for..." Mia was going to say

'They prepared us for the worst'

but reconsidered. Was it the really the worst? Worse than this? She thought this and hated herself for thinking such a thing. "They prepared us for you possibly not...not making it" her tear's overflowed and she let out a strangled sob.

"19 days?" Leah said dreary and low "My god Mia, what about Oscar?" Leah attempted to sit up but pain from her limbs rocketed through here and she let out an audible "Umpf" and shuddered.

"Oscar is at my apartment he is fine, Leah." Mia steeled herself "Leah, you were so sick. I have to tell you some things now that are going to be really hard to hear. Just no I am here and I am not leaving your side."

Leah did not respond. She searched Mia's face again. Her stepsister's full lower lip quivered and Mia's eyes were scared. Leah recalled their sophomore year in college, Mia's had missed her period and was certain she had gotten pregnant by the stupid junior she had been seeing. Her eyes looked like this when they were waiting for the + or - symbol to appear in the window of the test Leah had bought for her. Leah nodded, still too cloudy. They always relied on each other, and she resigned to just listening.

"Leah, you had an ovarian cyst that ruptured." Mia began "You went home, and went to bed, and the ruptured cyst caused you to go septic. Your body was trying to fight the infection. Once you were here they performed emergency surgery to remove" Mia grits her teeth and continues "remove the infected cyst. They...they had to take your ovaries and uterus too." Mia sees Leah's eyes grow wide and panicked. Leah had never wanted children, but at least she had the option, and Mia could read this in her face. Pausing, Mia watched her stepsister blink several times, nod, and then make eye contact again.

"Okay" Leah said in a voice meant to sound resolved. Leah opened her mouth to say something else, but Mia continued.

"That's not all, Bug" Mia said sadly "Leah, they gave you very strong medicine to combat the infection. The medicine did the job, but it also restricted bloodflow...in your....to your..." Tears were flowing freely now. Mia choked back a sob, straightened herself and locked eyes with Leah. "The circulation in your hands and feet got restricted, sis. They were doing everything they could. You were in a coma, and they gave me the choice: perform more surgeries to save your life or say my goodbye's and watch you..." she couldn't finish that sentence.

"I made the decision I thought was best. Unfortunately, the damage was done, and had spread. They took your right leg first, below the knee, and then your left leg at the knee. Two days after that, they found dead tissue above both wounds, and they had to go even higher" she paused, unsettled by Leah's blank expression "Four days ago they removed your right arm and left hand. Your right arm was bad, they took it about halfway above your elbow. Your left arm got worse, and they ended up taking it just at the elbow." Mia finished, wishing Leah would blink or say something or cry and scream and thrash and yell or anything other than stare blankly.

"You are saying all of my limbs have been amputated?" Leah asked, almost without emotion.

"Y-yes, sis, I am so sorry..." Mia said

"I-I don't think I understand." Leah said.

Leah heard the words Mia had said but assumed her recovering brain had muddled their meaning. She was devastated at the loss of her reproductive organs but could live with that. The rest didn't make sense to her, they don't amputate a person's limbs, all of them. She had never heard of such a thing. Anyway, how absurd, she could feel her fingers and hands and arms, they hurt and tingled and ached. She could wiggle her toes, and her feet itched, her knees felt stiff. Leah looked down as she wiggled her toes under the mint-green hospital sheet. She was equally as perplexed when she did not see the sheet moving as she wiggled her toes. In fact, the sheet appeared to be laying flat on the bed, tucked in at the footboard. Blinking with confusion, she looked to her right. The sheet was pulled up to her shoulders, she moved her dominant right arm to pull back the sheet, and show Mia that she did in fact still have all her limbs, just look at them, and the sheet only moved and lifted slightly, just below her shoulder. A lightning bolt of pain shot through her right shoulder, and the pain cleared the fog of confusion. Mia's words began to sink in and make sense. Leah's heart began pounding and she looked up into Mia's face again, panicked.

"No look, see, look. Move this goddamn sheet Mia! Move it, you will see, you will fucking see!!!" Leah thrashed in bed, and pain coursed through her body.

Mia, almost without knowing she was doing it, reached out and pulled the sheet down. Propped up in the hospital bed, Leah was fully visible now. Her right arm ended in a bandaged stump six inches below her shoulder. Her left arm, also bandaged, was slightly longer and the bandages were tinged pink (that wound was not closed yet, in case more tissue died). Her legs ended in two bandaged nubs high on her upper thigh.

Leah looked down and took in this new body. Her long legs were gone. Her hands and arms were gone. She looked up at Mia's face.

"You should have let me die" Leah almost spat.

Mia staired, broken "D-don't say that. Don't say that." Mia almost whimpered.

Mia had not actually seen Leah completely limbless. She had been covered, and Mia left the room when the staff did wound care and changes. Looking at Leah now, she thought maybe Leah was right, and again hated herself for thinking it. Where Mia was full breasted and wide-hipped, with shorter legs and wider shoulders, Leah was narrow, with small round breasts and a flat stomach. Propped up, limbless, she was so small. Mia marveled at just how little of her was left.

"Leah" Mia whispered, but her stepsister staired straight ahead, not acknowledging that she had even heard her sister...

***

Mia returned to her small apartment that night, heartbroken. She sat on her couch and began to cry. She hated herself for thinking the things she did. She agreed with Leah, this seems a fate worse than death. Leah had always been independent. She rock climbed and ran marathons. Men had found Leah's lithe frame and confidence irresistible. In college she had no shortage of men, boys really, who courted her. Leah had always wielded her sexuality gracefully, only occasionally hooking up with anonymous or semi-anonymous one night stands. More often she had serious relationships with men (and on two occasions women) that she ended, on her terms when she grew bored. Mia on the other hand, had always been a little self-conscious of her sturdy build. She wasn't heavy, just stout. He self-doubt often lead her to bed with whatever stranger showed interest in her. Her relationships rarely ended well. When they inevitably crashed and burned, Leah was always there for her. Not to judge her, just to be there. They would share a bottle of wine and watch movies together after the crying stopped. It was her turn to be there for Leah, to support Leah. She hoped her stepsister wouldn't resent her for choosing to save her life rather than preserve her independence.

Mia got up from the couch and went to her bathroom. She stripped her clothes and stepped into her shower. She had spent nearly all of the last 3 weeks by Leah's side. Waiting as she went for another surgery, watching as she came back missing more of herself. Mia's legs, and armpits where stubbled with coarse black hair. Her bikini region, normally shaved smooth, had developed a thatch of tightly curled black hair. She washed herself and quickly shaved her legs and armpits, leaving her bush for another day.

As Mia shaved her arms and legs, she began crying again. How easy it is to take things for granted. Mia picked up her razor, with her hand, shaved her armpits all by herself, and continued on to her legs, muscular, functional legs. Leah would not be able to do any of this herself. She had no legs to shave. She had no hands to grasp her razor. Mia shook and cried and slid down the shower wall, the water sticking her densely curled hair to her face.

After a few minutes, Mia had cried herself numb. Stepping out of the shower, she reached for a towel and dried herself off. Her large breasts swayed as she bent to towel off her feet, her large dark nipples pricking up at the cool air outside of the steamy shower. In a robe, she went to her kitchen, and fed the cat. She went to her bedroom, turned the lamp on, and promptly passed out before opening the cover of the book she brought, numb and exhausted, emotionally drained.

Their parent's had married. Mia's father, tall and dark and handsome, with a neatly trimmed beard and straight white teeth, and a laugh as full and rich polished mahogany, had met Leah's mother while traveling for work in Washington state. Leah's mother, beautiful and pale and willowy like Leah, had lived alone with her young daughter on a small farm. Mia's own mother had died before Mia was old enough to walk, and she had only pictures her father had saved, no memories to speak of. Leah's father, by all accounts, was a free-love, free-drugs, free-everything sort of man who moved to the farm with her mother and quickly lost interest when she caught pregnant. Neither of their parents had "moved on" until they met each other. Mia and Leah (they were overjoyed that they were nearly the same age, AND that their names had rhymed) immediately hit it off. Here she and Leah were, on the other side of the country, in their late 20s, both parents elderly, and her sister, her closest friend in the world, was severely disabled and resented her. As she slept, she dreamed, her mind desperately trying to reset itself after the traumatic last three weeks.

Mia dreamt. Both girls, in their first apartment at college, were in Mia's room. She slept in the bigger of the two rooms, Leah preferring the smaller loft at the back, for the view out the back window. They were on Mia's bed, talking in low whispers.

"What's it like?" Mia asked her stepsister

"Its fine. I prefer to do it myself, though. I don't think Julian knew what he was doing, and he pinched me the last time." Leah said.

Now in freshmen college, both girls were getting the attention from the opposite sex. Leah had embraced this attention, allowing a boy named Julian to call himself her boyfriend, while Mia had yet to let a boy so much as hold her hand. Neither of them had done much, let alone explore the mysteries of sex, but Leah had discovered masturbation, going so far as to allow Julian to clumsily paw at her. Mia recalled the way her bicycle seat had rubbed the little nub of flesh just perfect last summer, and the feeling she got in her stomach during, but surprisingly hadn't pursued it to completion.

"Sometimes it helps me sleep" Leah said, and they both giggled. Mia's curly hair flopped in her face as she did, she stuck out her full lower lip and puffed it out of her eyes.

"I...I have never tried it." She admitted to Leah. They burst into laughter again.

"Liar!" Leah said grinning, and shoved Mia playfully.

"No I have not!" Mia said indignantly.

"Well, you should! I read somewhere it even helps with cramps" Leah smirked and giggled again. "Julian's older brother would help you. He is always asking about you." Leah said.

"I don't have cramps like you do, and I don't want to feel dirty." Mia said, but not meaning it. Thinking about Julian's brother, his muscled chest and arms, his large hands, DID make her want to feel dirty. Mia could feel heat growing between her legs. Her breasts had not grown to their fullest yet, but were larger than Leah's already, and her nipples had hardened at these thoughts, showing through the fabric of the oversized t-shirt she wore to bed. She could even feel a little dampness in her cotton panties.

"I don't know what to do by myself, let alone with

some boy

" she hissed the 's' in

some

through the slight gap in her front teeth to emphasize her mock-distaste for the subject.

Leah tilted her head slightly, her straight black hair silkily fell against onto her pale shoulder. "Well, I could tell you what to do" she said in almost a whisper. The fear of an eavesdropping parent hearing this somewhat embarrassing conversation was on both their minds. "I could even..." Leah paused and smoothed out a non-existent wrinkle on Mia's bedspread "show you, maybe." Leah looked at her sister.

In Mia's dream/memory, her heart gave a confusing leap at her stepsister's suggestion. She remembered her breath hitching in her throat, and Leah looking at her in her matter-of-fact way, her chin slightly elevated.

"That...that might be....maybe...I mean" Mia began, stammering.

"Here, let me show you" Leah said, and sat up cross-legged in front of her reclining stepsister.

Leah's hands found their way up Mia's thighs and slid her cotton panties over the swell of Mia's hips. Mia's pubic hair was thick, tightly curled, and black. They had of course seen each other naked innumerable times before, but Mia felt exposed, and exhilarated. After a moment of hesitation, her mind whirling, she parted her legs slightly. Her clitoris was swollen and large, pink and contrasting with the dark almost purple folds of her labia. She was surprised at how wet she was. Leah's long-fingered pale hand extended and gently touched the sensitive bundle of nerves above Mia's slit. Mia's body shuddered involuntarily. Leah stroked her Mia's clitoris in a regular, slow, circular motion. Leahs slid her middle finger down between Mia's lips, and back to the sensitive flesh once, and then twice, and with the third stroke she dipped her finger inside Mia's opening.

To Mia's surprise, Leah's other hand reached under her night shirt and began teasing her erect left nipple. Mia could smell her own sex, a tangy almost citrusy scent, and it was intoxicating. She felt a knot of pleasure and anticipation beginning to form in her stomach, and just before it crested, she felt the tip of Leah's tongue touch her swollen clitoris. Looking between her legs she saw Leah, her fingers slightly parting Mia's long labia, and her long pink tong encircling this magical button. Leah's pale skin stood out against Mia's dark tanned thighs and thatch of black pubic hair. Mia instinctively began rubbing her right nipple, and all at once the knot of pleasure in the pit of her stomach released in waves over her entire body. He legs clamped together and she shifted onto her side, bringing her knees up as she shuddered. She was breathing heavy as the wave of her first real orgasm ebbed. She regained focus and saw Leah smiling.

"I...I have tasted mine. I wanted to know what you tasted like. You taste different." Leah subconsciously wiped her lips with the hand that had been stroking Mia's privates.

Mia was even more surprised when Leah laid back and stripped off her panties. "Do me" she said giggling "I haven't let Julian touch me with his mouth. I don't think he would like it anyway."

Mia positioned herself between Leah's long pale legs. Her stepsister's vagina was shaved smooth and glistened with dampness. Mia leaned down, she breathed in the musky and sweet smell of Leah's sex. Her dark fingers parted Leah's pink labia, revealing her small pearl of a clitoris. Mia started stroking it, and Leah's hand touched the back of hers, slowing her pace slightly.

"Mmmm" Leah said as she bit her lip. She folded her own night gown down, revealing her small breasts, their pink peaks hard. Leah removed her hand from Mia's and started to rub and tease her own nipples as Mia stroked her