Imagine sitting at home alone and you are visited unannounced by your son and his wife. She looks as if she has been crying. Concerned you invite them in and the three of you sit down at the kitchen table to talk over a cup of coffee. After 15 minutes trying to figure out how to address the reason they have come over -- your son begins to include you in their private emotional and medical agony, but offering the solution they have come up with.
After many passionate attempts to create a family of their own it has been determined by several top medical opinions that your son is infertile, and can't impregnate your daughter-in-law. She is very fertile with healthy ovulation cycles, but your sons sperm is irregular, blocked, and tests have shown that he has a significantly lower number per milliliter of semen that can result in a healthy insemination.
They tell you that they have looked into Intrauterine Insemination but it is very costly and isn't as reliable as Natural Insemination. Artificial Insemination involves medical procedures like sperm processing and injection into the uterus, often requiring multiple doctor visits and extensive monitoring, which adds to the increasing costs. You listen intently to their dilemma and you are prepared to offer any financial support that you can reasonably offer. Then you hear the words "Directive Donor" and "Family based sperm donation". At first it isn't very clear what they are asking of you. Through your daughter-in-laws tearful explanation it becomes crystal clear that your son is asking you to be the sperm donor for naturally conceiving.
At first you are flattered that you are their first decided candidate to donate your DNA and sperm to help grow their family. They both want the heritage of the bloodline and legacy of your sperm to extend the family tree. In your head you wonder how and where this kind of medical procedure would take place? As they continue to explain that asking this of you isn't something they decided lightly, because it would mean an intimate sexual encounter between you and your daughter-in-law. That is when your inner dialog comes to an abrupt halt and you want clarification for that they are asking. Over the next few minutes they explain as delicately as they can that you would be injecting your sperm directly into your daughter-in-laws body through vaginal intercourse. After more tearful explanations from your daughter-in-law they plead with you to come to their aid. They assure you that this form of insemination is rarely used, but it is ethical when it is mutually agreed upon. As you sit quietly for a few minutes you shake your head, "No", then gently, but regretfully decline.
Then as your daughter-in-law sobs into your sons shoulder you confidently explain, "Using my sperm could create unnecessary and complicated family dynamics. What about the potential emotional distress if the child grew up to accidentally learn about me being the biological parent -- instead of its Dad?" Quietly you all sit finishing your coffee. They thank you with hugs for hearing them out and silently leave you alone.
Over night you sleep on the fact that it took a lot of courage for your son to make such an offer to you. You begin to understand what a terribly difficult choice this was to make, but they didn't want some stranger or anonymous Sperm Donor to inseminate her egg. but WHY did it have to be done naturally? You heard lesbians did it with turkey basters all the time. As you turn to do research on your phone you see that that method is only 10% successful and is relatively low in guaranteed impregnation attempts. Your heart feels compassion for son and his wife which gives you pause on the decision you originally made. You take the entire day to mull over this long term, life changing, decision.
