I hate festivals.
I hate the toilet arrangements.
I hate the general assumption that because it is a festival then we should all resort to eating burgers and other greasy crap and generate a huge profit for the entrepreneurs concerned as well as great piles of rubbish from discarded wrappings.
I hate that because it is a festival then it is commonly accepted that you should get paralytic on cheap lager (sold to you, again, at great profit to someone with great foresight) to the point of unconsciousness whilst lying in the mud, in a field, in the rain, as a rock band blasts really loud music at you, for several days at a time.
I hate that you are corralled together without the opportunity to leave the site; I understand that this prevents people from sneaking in and helps vendors on the site with sales of their vastly overpriced goods, but it still annoyed me.
So why was I at a festival, penned in like a convicted criminal, with thousands of others?
Josie had insisted that I come with her, and her blonde friend Tish, to this arts and music festival, to assist them on their artsy stall as part of the children's play area attractions. The two girls were offering face painting opportunities and I was to act as their body guard and general assistant, - fetching food and drink for them, more paints from our van or just keeping the queue in order. But I knew that my invitation would not be reduced to just being their lackey - I knew Josie too well for that.
On the first evening, after closing our stall at around 5pm, we returned to our van and tent and relaxed. Josie was dressed in an outfit seemingly designed to gather the full interest of visiting fathers to our stall: torn off high above her thigh, low cut but tight hipster jeans, which showed off lots of her delectable buttocks, and a ripped singlet which came down to just below her ribs, showing off her trim stomach and hips, and seemed to offer the opportunity of a flash of breast from the sides, if she held her arm up, or when she leaned forward and the neck gaped.
Tish was similarly attired in multi coloured leggings that had been cut off at mid thigh, and a skin-tight, plain white t-shirt without a bra. (I had started off the day in shorts and a band t-shirt, but the shirt had come off fairly quickly - something that had greatly annoyed the girls since they were unable to go topless!)
From her seat beside the van Josie gave a little cheer and grinned mischievously as she looked up from her phone. 'We have a date at 9pm - just need to sort out what to wear now...'
My heart missed a beat.
I had slowly become accustomed to the sort of things that Josie considered a date to be, and with the festival site being as it was (i.e. closed off, with us effectively held captive) wondered to myself if this was going to be another of her confidence boosting adventures. Going away to university had immersed her into a much wider world which, at the age of twenty years old, had knocked her own belief in herself - for a start, she discovered that the entire world did not revolve solely about her.
On returning home during a term break she had broken down to me about finding out that she was just a tiny fish in a huge ocean of a pond. In my role as her rock (solid and dependable, yet quiet and prone to being dragged into her fantastic schemes) we had sorted out a way she could rebuild her confidence and Γ©lan, so that she could become the legend at university that she had always believed she would be.
The girls disappeared into the tent to discuss their outfits, and I cooked our dinner on the portable grill. I figured that, either way, my role would be purely as muscle...