"You goddamn idiot -- are you crazy? What are you even thinking? Don't you realize how lucky you are to have a beautiful wife like Nicole? You think women like that grow on trees? You think an ugly, pimply-faced dickhead like you would ever luck out like that again? No, that's impossible because she's one-of-a-kind. Those eyes... those cat-green eyes -- you could never leave her and you know it. She's all you ever wanted -- why would you even
want
to leave?"
Jimmy gritted his teeth.
"Ugh, you know the answer to that, stupid-ass. What the fuck. There are a million reasons you should dump that bitch."
On their fifth date, after killing a bottle of wine, Nicole suggested they confess their deepest secrets, "to build trust." Jimmy went first and told his new gal pal that he'd sucked his classmate's dick after getting hammered at a party during his freshman year in college. Nicole reciprocated by revealing that she'd once eaten cat food on a dare -- not exactly a shocking disclosure, and Jimmy felt like a sap for having volunteered such a closely-held, embarrassing tidbit, only for her to come back with something so lame and impersonal.
As his relationship with Nicole progressed, Jimmy got used to feeling like a sap.
"You should've known how she was when she told you to pee sitting down because you dribbled a little on the toilet seat. What kind of woman wants her boyfriend to do that? And what kind of man does it?"
Blinking twice, Jimmy reminded himself that there were good times, too. He recalled their carnival date when he won a huge stuffed bear because the guy in the booth had guessed his weight wrong. He remembered the trendy self-help seminars and ashrams he and Nicole attended early in their relationship, and their nights out at nice restaurants.
"Don't fool yourself, asshole -- a geek like you would've never gotten past hello with a woman that beautiful if you hadn't been an executive manager at Triumph Industries making twenty grand a year. You both know you were lucky to land her, which is why she's had you pussywhipped from the start. You never get to fuck your own wife, dude. Ever. Think about how messed-up that is. She only lets you lick her pussy once every few months -- and by the way, you know damn well that wasn't clam chowder this morning, you stupid motherfucker. It's embarrassing that you'd even try to tell yourself that. You know what cum tastes like -- you've slurped up enough of your own after jacking off, you sick, perverted bastard."
Jimmy's eyes drifted downward toward his lap. He gulped with shame as he contemplated the minuscule bump in his jeans.
"Keep your head in the sand all you want to, dumbass, but she's fucking Mike. Hell, she hasn't even tried to hide it. It's almost like she's been daring you to say something to force a confrontation that would allow her to run off with the son-of-a-bitch. But... last night at the bar, she seemed weird. So did Mike."
Drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, Jimmy pondered the previous evening's strange turn of events.
"Something changed after they came out of Mike's office. You could tell by the way they were talking to you. Think about it, dude: the dynamic has shifted. Nicole and Mike need you now, because for whatever reason, Red has some weird, sadomasochistic attraction to you. The fat, crazy bastard is the greatest guy in the world to most people, but according to Nicole, he finds one weakling to fuck with -- and he picked you because that's exactly what you are, Jimmy: a goddamn weakling. Red could smell it on you the minute he saw you. Marlene always says the same thing -- that she had you pegged as a loser from day one. Nicole probably did, too, although she isn't the first woman to marry a guy she didn't respect because he made good money."
With a bitter taste in his mouth, Jimmy thought of all the suspected affairs during his five-year marriage to the former Harvest Springs High School cheerleader. The first time was a few weeks after the wedding, when Jimmy ran into Nicole's friend Tammy in the drugstore when she was supposed to be at the theater with his wife seeing "Love Story." When Nicole got home from her "dinner and a movie with Tammy," the devastated husband detected the unmistakable scent of Hai Karate. Another time Nicole was gone all night, returning home after noon the next day with the cockamamie excuse that her car had conked out on a desolate stretch of highway, and that she'd waited all night before anyone had stopped to help.
"Dude, you really need to wake the fuck up. Throughout this entire relationship, she's treated you like a dog -- and then the minute you lose your job, she starts talking divorce. She and her bitch mother have made your life miserable since you moved into that old cunt's basement. And since Mike came back in the picture, Nicole has pretty much had one foot out the door. Of course, now that there's a chance you could start making good money again, she'll stick around -- but you'll have to prostitute yourself to some deranged, sadistic homosexual who gets his kicks humiliating you. If she loved you, would she ask you to do that? LOOK AT YOURSELF, ASSHOLE! Would she? Hell no, she wouldn't. She doesn't love you, man. She never did, and you fucking well know it. Just leave the bitch, Jimmy; she sure as hell was gonna leave you before Red brought all this up. How much of this shit are you gonna put up with? Start a new life, already. Take the money and get the fuck out of here. Everything's cheaper in Canada, and five grand would go a long way. It's all there in front of you. All you've got to do is take it."
