The Elvis clock in Marlene's basement was broken so Jimmy had no idea what time it was. Not that he cared. Nicole was "having breakfast" with her macho ex-boyfriend and nothing else mattered.
Breakfast? Jimmy scoffed. He was certain they hadn't gone to any restaurant -- probably a motel, he thought with a snarl; or maybe Mike's place, which Jimmy figured was probably some fancy swinging bachelor's pad.
The scrawny milksop closed his eyes and pictured Mike fucking Nicole on a heart-shaped waterbed beneath a ceiling-mirror, with the room bathed in a blacklight's purple haze and the cloying scent of sandalwood. As he slipped his hand into the front of his tightie-whities and squeezed little jimmy, Jimmy imagined his wife's feet on the muscular combat veteran's shoulders, her moans mixing with Marvin Gaye's seductive baritone that oozed from the top-of-the-line quad hi-fi system: Let's get it on / Ah, baby / Let's--
"GET UP HERE, JIMMY!"
Marlene's screech broke up Jimmy's pity-party that had morphed into a morose sexual fantasy. He rolled out of bed with a three-inch boner, yanked up his pants and trooped upstairs.
"I'm almost out of smokes," Marlene barked as soon as Jimmy entered the living room. "We need milk, too."
"Okay, uh, I'll head out in a minute; can I have money?"
Marlene smirked. "If you were any kind of man, you'd have your own money. My daughter wouldn't have to put you on an allowance like a goddamn nine-year-old."
Jimmy huffed. "Why are you always ragging on me, Marlene? What the fuck. I'm doing the best I can."
"Well, your best ain't doing the trick, is it? I've had it with you, Jimmy. You're worthless. My daughter's too good for your skinny little ass."
"Yeah, I know, you told me that before the wedding -- and you never stopped."
"Because it's true." Marlene lit a cigarette and blew smoke at her son-in-law. "You're a loser, Jimmy. I could smell it on you from the start. Nikki finally sees it, too." She chuckled. "I'd be worried about Mike if I was you. He's always been sweet on her."
"Well, it's obvious who you like better."
"No shit, Sherlock. I think it's obvious who Nikki likes better, too. I'll let you in on a little secret, Numb-Nuts: She never stopped loving Mike -- she married your sorry ass on the rebound because you were making good money at the time. And now that you're not working, you're useless."
Tears formed in Jimmy's eyes. "W-why do you hate me so much, Marlene? What the fuck. What did I ever do to you?"
"I don't hate you, Jimmy -- I think you're pathetic, and I don't want my daughter being married to you. You may have had her fooled with that big job in Centerville but not me. Sure enough, you got fired because you're nothing but a pussy -- and here we are. A loser living in my goddamn basement. You're dragging her down, Numb-Nuts. You'll never be able to give her what she needs, and I'm not just talking about that little pecker of yours that she's always complaining about. Why don't you just leave and be done with it, for chrissakes? She's gonna end up divorcing your loser ass anyway."
Jimmy covered his face with both hands to stifle his sobs. He got no sympathy from his mother-in-law, who smelled blood.
"Look at the waterworks, like a little fucking sissy." She sneered. "Pathetic. You don't have a clue how to be a man, do you? No fucking clue."
"Well, what do you want me to do?" Jimmy bleated. "I'm trying. I've been trying. What else can I do?"
"You can start by going to the store and getting my damn cigarettes and a gallon of milk like I told you."
After several seconds of silence, other than the wheezes from Jimmy's labored breathing, he nodded. "Okay. Uh, can I have some money, please?"
Marlene shook her head and handed her son-in-law a five-dollar bill.
"I'm trying the best I can," Jimmy repeated as he slogged from the room.
