Today was the day. Jake had been up since five, even though he wasn't going to see her until the evening. It was just too difficult to sleep. He had been sleeping poorly all month, but this last day was the worst by far. It was the knowledge of what was to come; he couldn't stop his imagination from running wild.
Thirty days. Jake couldn't believe it had been this long, that he had lasted this long. He had never waited this long before, not since he was a boy. At first it had only been a slight annoyance, a dull ache. But as the weeks passed, his need began to seep into every aspect of his life. He couldn't focus in lecture, couldn't concentrate on his assignments. He stammered whenever he talked to a cute girl. For the first time in years, he began having wet dreams again. They were so lucid, so real, as if he were reliving sexual experiences that he had never had. They were intense. They were painful.
And they were never satisfying.
It was so early, there was nobody else in the shower room. That was good for Jake, because he was scared to death of being seen naked, of having his shameful secret exposed. As the warm water ran down his body, his hands drifted, almost unconsciously, to his crotch. Beneath his trembling fingers he felt the cold metal, the walls of the tiny, inescapable prison that he had endured for the past month. It had been strange at first, uncomfortable and even painful, but now he couldn't remember what it was like to live without it. He couldn't remember what it was like to be free.
When he got to the dining hall, there were already a few people there. Jake looked around, his heart pounding, but he didn't see Ari. He didn't expect to, of course, but sometimes her absence was just as powerful as her presence. "I want you to always be thinking about me," she had said with a playful smirk. She had raised her eyebrows, and then glanced down pointedly at his crotch. "That's why I gave you my present. So it can be a constant reminder of me."
He remembered that fateful day, the day he had dared to ask out the pretty girl who sat in front of him in Chemistry. Amongst a sea of smelly engineers she had stood out like a lily in mud. Every Monday and Wednesday he would stare at her back, at her smooth, long raven hair, at the exquisite curve of her neck and shoulders. But the real treat was when she would turn, and he would catch a glimpse of her side profile as she talked to someone beside her. Once she had spun around and asked him for a pencil; he fell in love immediately. Her eyes were so beautiful that he had been caught off guard, and he didn't know what to say. Then she had laughed. It wasn't just the cutest laugh Jake had ever heard: it was also a teasing, knowing laugh, as if she saw right through him.
Jake didn't know where he had gotten the courage from. He didn't even know if she was single; she always sat with different men, most of them tall and athletic looking. She would talk to them and flirt with them, but he could never tell if she was dating them or not. Whenever he saw her talking with another man, her expression animated and passionate, he felt the sharp, stabbing pain of jealousy deep in his being. He wished, more than anything else, that she would talk to him like that, that he could be the one sitting next to her.
It hadn't been planned. Jake had been playing a game on his phone and when he looked up, the classroom was empty. Empty except for her. She was scribbling down some last minute notes, and when he stood up she did too. They reached the door at the same time and he paused, letting her pass by. She was wearing a tank top and a short skirt, even though it was solidly mid-autumn; he had noticed that she always liked to dress on the light side. Before he knew what he was doing he had stammered out his request. It sounded pathetic to him and he was sure it sounded pathetic to her too, but there was no taking it back. It hung in the air like an impotent stormcloud, never bursting but making the air uncomfortably damp.
For a terrible moment he thought she would ignore him, that she would just keep walking until she was gone from his life forever. In a way that was almost a relief. But she turned, and for the first time she looked directly at him. She looked him up and down with a slight smile on her face, and he felt naked even though he was wearing three layers. Finally she looked him in the eye and he looked back, all too conscious of the proximity of her lean, athletic body. If he reached out he could touch her, caress the smooth stomach showing beneath her tank top, slide his hands up and down her bare legs. He shivered.
"Jake, right?" He was surprised she knew his name. "I don't really feel like going out for dinner tonight. It's kind of cold. But... why don't you come over to my place instead? I could cook something for us, watch a show or two. My roommate's gone for a volleyball tournament, so we'll have the dorm all to ourselves." She laughed at his shocked expression. "What's wrong, you've never done Netflix and chill before?" When he stayed silent, she raised her eyebrows. "Well, I can guarantee you've done it with a girl like me before," she said.
It was only when he was back in his dorm that he realized Ari hadn't waited for him to answer.
When she answered the door, she was wearing yoga pants and a loose, semi-translucent t-shirt. It was clear that she wasn't wearing a bra. Jake felt his heart begin to pound. He hadn't expected things to happen so quickly. No, he hadn't expected anything to happen at all. Not with Ari.
"Come in," she said. "Dinner is ready."
And so it was. Jake had never smelled anything better. She had cooked a colorful assortment of Chinese dishes, accompanied by steaming bowls of rice. Jake hesitated at first; he had never had dinner with a girl before, not like this. He didn't want to make a fool of himself. But his stomach growled, and before he knew it, he was digging in like a starving dog.
It was delicious.
As they ate, Ari asked Jake about himself. At first he sputtered, unable to form coherent sentences. But over time he found himself relaxing, assured by Ari's smiles and nods. He told her about his childhood in the Bronx, playing the tuba at band competitions, his favorite classes in high school. It all sounded painfully dull to him, but she looked at him like he was the most interesting man in the world. Jake had always thought that "getting lost" in somebody's eyes was a liberty taken by penny fiction authors, but when Ari looked at him, he forgot where he was. Her attention was like a warm embrace, and he wanted nothing more than to sink further into it.
When they finished, he carried over the dishes to the sink. "Oh, don't worry about those," she said. "I'll do them later."
He turned. Ari was standing in the doorway to the bedroom. She raised a hand and beckoned him towards her. He felt himself move, as if dragged forward by an invisible force.
