"Of course, we'd love to have you stop by! Chad and I have an extra room and we've just been waiting for visitors!"
I was happy to hear the excitement in my fiance's voice. She had moved away from many of her friends to join me at grad school, and working as a nanny didn't make it easy for her to make friends her age. Kate was petite with "girl next door" beauty. Just 5'0" with 34B breasts, her appearance was unassuming, but her unintimidating nature seemed to attract attention from other guys.
"Who was that?" I asked when she hung up.
"Alexa. Her favorite author is speaking at the college. I told her she and Philipe could stay in the guest room this weekend."
I hoped Kate didn't hear my sarcasm when I told her I didn't mind. Alexa was Kate's roommate in college. It was an all-girls school, and Alexa was a stuck-up feminist intellectual. Every time I visited she had some comment to try to make me feel stupid, like calling my school "Cookie-Cutter U". Still, I knew Kate was looking forward to her visit, so I just bit my tongue.
Kate had some cute friends at college, but Alexa was not one of them. She had a bit of a belly, and thought that wearing make-up weakened the female. Kate told me how Alexa's parents would beg her to shave her legs before family events.
Friday came, and Alexa and Philipe arrived. I had never met Philipe (I was so certain that Alexa was the butch lesbian type it never occurred to me that she'd have a boyfriend.) He was a tall, skinny guy with a shaved head and a soul patch. He had that "bookstore wimp" look, and I joked to Kate that at least I could do a push-up.
We headed out to dinner and immediately Alexa started in on me. "Chili's? So I see your still living the white trash dream, Chad."
Then she turned to my fiancΓ©, adding with sarcasm "He really knows how to show folks a good time. Does he take you to McDonald's on your birthday? You know, they just opened a great Cambodian restaurant in the city. Philipe and I love it, we'll take you there if you ever escape this cultural black hole."
"Sorry to disappoint you, Alexa. Why don't we just order?" I tried to maintain my calm.
"It's not me who you need to worry about when it comes to disappointing people, Chad."
"Why, is there something wrong with Philipe's meal too?" I asked.
"Oh, there is nothing wrong with Philipe, nothing at all. But I can remember a few of your visits during college. When I asked Kate how you were, she said maybe you should spend less time trying to get bigger arms and more time figuring out how to get your little friend bigger."
I turned to Kate and she immediately blushed. I knew they had "girl talk" sessions, but I had never heard anything like this. "Watch your mouth," I stammered "I have always satisfied Kate, haven't I dear?"
Kate just stared at her plate with her head down.
"Look Chad," Alexa said, "I'm not saying your 3 inch toy is the smallest pecker in the world, but Kate used to joke that she should be a theatre major with all the acting she does in bed. In fact, word has it the 7 year-old she nannies for is packing more in his Spiderman Underoos than you, big boy."
Kate turned beet red and Philipe laughed loudly. Our cute waitress giggled as she filled my water glass. "That's enough." I pleaded. I grabbed the check and we headed home.
Back at the apartment, Philipe brought in a bottle of wine from their car. "A guest should never show up empty-handed." He said.
"Don't you drink too much of that darling," Alexa said to Philipe, "I've got plans for that monster cock of yours later."
Kate promptly poured herself a glass, then two, then three. She started laughing at every one of Philipe's high brow jokes, and then resting her hand on his thigh. The last straw was when she bent over to pour him a glass of wine and made sure he could look right down the front of her blouse at her beautiful bosom.
"Kate!" Alexa exclaimed. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were getting tipsy!"
It was then that my sweet fiancΓ© made a suggestion I thought I'd never hear, "Alexa, you know how we always did everything together? What do you say the four of us head to the bedroom for some fun?"
Alexa and Philipe thought this was a great idea. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"Absolutely not! You two can enjoy each other in the guest room, but Kate and I are going to bed."