"It should worry me, but strangely doesn't." The words of my fiancée reverberated around my mind for a moment as we walked in the drizzle. "Why?" I eventually asked, looking at the beautiful young lady striding to keep up with me.
"Because neither I or any of my friends feel the need to meet up with strangers to compare breast sizes!" She had been teasing me mercilessly for days. "It's ... it's just a weird idea."
"Yeah but ..."
"And the bet you have to do if you lose ..." I sighed, skipping around a puddle. "I've never seen that before. And we've been to some adult parties ..."
"I didn't ask you to come, you wanted to."
"And miss this. Pah!" She scoffed. "I've never seen your bi side. I find it very, very hot."
"I don't have a bi side," I protested. "I fumbled around once at College and have a bit of fun on the 'net. And I've been talking to him online for two months now. He's a great guy. It's a giggle ..." She smirked at me, her wide brown eyes gleaming with her bashful personality. "... and we've just bought the strap-on you wanted, and you get dinner out of it, and then we're going to your bloody gig," I added. While the afternoon meet with the semi-anonymous man in a North London hotel was my arrangement, our evenings activities were for her. "I mean, Chocolate Covered Sundaes are your favourite band, not mine!"
The imposing hotel lobby was a welcome blast of warmth after the cold, wet walk from the Underground station. Olivia squeezed my hand as we looked into the bar; I donned a pair of sunglasses – the agreed signal between myself, Wellhung87, and Donkeydick – as butterflies did the tango in my stomach.
I looked ridiculous: wearing sunglasses inside while the weather relentlessly assaulted the country, but they gave me a psychological shield to hide behind as my feet padded on the soft carpet. It was quiet; a few women were chatting over coffee, while businessmen discussed the papers. It was eerily bereft of the activity that I hoped for.
I saw him; he was my height, and my age, sat in the very far corner of the bar reading a magazine and wearing designer sunshades. "That's him," I muttered to Olivia, who was a lot more confident than I felt.
"Hi," my fiancée called to him, as she navigated the chairs in her way. "Are you ..." Her voice broke as she glanced at me, and then whispered. "Donkey Dick!"
"Sssshhhhh!" He hushed. He had unbrushed black hair that cascaded down his neck to cover the top of his maroon sweater, and desperately tried to force a smile to his new guests standing next to his table. "Well ... ahem?" he coughed, and I nodded anxiously.
I had never had any trouble talking to the approachable, and likeable, anonymous person on the Internet, but his paranoid behaviour made me a nervous; he was drawing attention to us by acting unnaturally. "Yeah," I muttered. "Do you want a drink?"
He shook his head quickly and glanced away from my face. "My room. Get out of public. Mini bar, help yourself," he snapped in his London accent, and scrambled to his feet, picking his room key from the table and leaving his garish music magazine behind.
If Olivia hadn't had followed him from the table towards the lifts so readily, I would have said something: his behaviour was making me anxious, but Donkeydick seemed to calm down in the lift as a smile flickered across his face. I saw Olivia checking out his butt as he walked, admiring his tight clothing that stretched alluringly over the mystery man's rear.
I waited until we were in his room a few moments later to speak. "You OK?"
"Fine," he promised and breathed a sigh of relief as he looked at both of us. "Sorry, just can't be too careful."
Olivia put her handbag onto the bed, and walked towards us. "So what happens now? When do you two get naked?"
"Olivia!" The little minx giggled as she pulled out her digital camera and swung it around her wrists, cocking her head as her eyes traced our bodies. I did my best to ignore her. "Good flight?"
"Yeah fine," he muttered. "How's your colleague, she had the baby yet?"