She is finally leading me into fantasy and now I'm afraid to follow.
I've seen glimpses of what's waiting ahead and want to turn away, but am too eager to witness the fascinating changes I keep discovering in her. I must know how far my gritty resolve and stubborness will wear away at her touch.
The lone bystander to a rising Goddess, I watch in awe with no courage to follow, for we are never the same when muses keep changing.
I only wanted to visit this place on adventurous weekends, not what feels like forever.
We've plunged headlong into a world that was only a game in the beginning. I didn't take the time to consider she may crave this as a daily reality and now someone that only existed on the fringes of my imagination is blooming before my eyes.
I know it's only a head game, but I can't get her new voice out of there. I couldn't if I tried. I want to hear more of it. I cringe at, but crave the words that are becoming commands.
When did this become real? Why does she smile and say "Shhhhhh, baby, it's Ok." when she makes me cum with her hand while I'm begging to be inside her?
I always long for that pussy's warm embrace. I miss it. I'm beginning to forget what it feels like, and I worry that's how things may stay.
I need it to feel like the man I am, or the man I thought I was. I wonder what kind of man she thinks I am now? Does she still look up to me as her husband if I'm only allowed to look up at her?
"No, baby. It's OK for now. Shhhhhh." she'll whisper with a giggle, staring down at me with that seductive smile letting me know when she's in control.
I miss fucking my wife with wild abandon. The slipping, sliding and rolling with laughter was simple. The heat and love we expressed was real. It was ours to share. I know, I was there. I felt the heat between her legs.
It's burned into my memory, the countless times she was spread out beneath me with her legs wrapped around me, gripping my ass cheeks and screaming "Harder, HARDER!" "Fuck me! Oh God! baby!," and "There, YES!, yes baby, Ohhh Yes!" while I pounded her into mindless orgasm.
Oblivious to our surroundings we poured into each other night after night. We had glorious unbridled primal sex pleasing each other to feel alive and free.
I want that tonight more than last night, and more than the night before. I need to fill up that pussy and hear her moan "Yes, baby! Yes! Fuck me!" I want to hear how much she's needed me. I need to take back what is mine.
But I can't for now. When I try, all I hear is the simple word "No" not harsh, but gently, like an apology. The word has become a riddle I can't unravle. I've become lost in it still trying to fathom how it affects me. Does she really want things to stay like this? She probably had this in store for me years ago.
So I pretend she's only doing it for me.
I tell myself that because yes, I did suggest this. When I brought up the subject she emphatically told me no, laughing at the idea, because she could never deny or treat me that way. She also could never harm a soul before I toyed with what really slept deep inside of her.
It may be something all women already understand but refuse to exploit because they are born with a nurturing touch. The deeper meaning behind using the word 'No' is for her alone to possess and wield as she sees fit. Whether it's to conquer, to control, or to love, she knows when to use it.
My needs used to be simple. Fuck and cum. Now I only get what she wants, but what she needs remains a mystery I'm waiting for her solve because I'm simply addicted to witnessing her true nature gently grow, no matter the anguish I suffer.
At bedtime my gaze wanders around the ceiling, searching for ways to out of this situation I've constructed. But as usual, if she joins me before I drift off, I simply spread my arm out and she cuddles into my chest, rubbing my tummy in peaceful circular motions as I just lay there. Her hand wanders playfully around, dancing. She gives me what I need while never offering what I want.
I'm just glad she's here. I wonder what's next but never ask. To hear it aloud would set it in stone. Our secret wishes are enough for now. Just to feel her soft warmth against me is enough of a comforting torture.
I never know when it may happen.
She'll point to her dresser across the room. I smile and wordlessly retrieve the toys from a drawer. She's been instructing me on what she really likes. I never dreamed I would earn a sense of pride by bringing my wife to orgasm with latex, rubber, and batteries, but I adore seeing her truly satisfied. I love to watch her enjoy the toys I buy for her, the very toys I'm starting to envy. They are starting to get more pussy than I do.
When she is done with us, I rinse and dry the toys then return them to where they will always wait. I lay back down on my side of our bed cuddling her while I wait. I try to keep my foot from jittering.
There was a time we used to cum together. We were different people then. We were wrapped up in each other. For years we discovered new sensations everyday. I've convinced myself it's better this way. Easier.
Even now I still hope she will wave a magic wand and change us into what we were when we were free.
She could if she wanted, but I'm learning that there is no return once you've gotten a taste of what you really like, and her appetite is growing.
I've fantasized of her totally controlling me. I could never imagine her being that strong, but I've been seeing flashes of it. She only gives me samples of what she can really do. It's that fire in her eyes that could force me to my knees if she demanded.
One day I may eventually reside completely within her shadow, powerless to resist nor refuse for even a moment whatever she wants. Where is there left to go after that? Would the game be over? How do you start over after taking it that far?
It's easier to learn than to guess, so over time I've developed patience.
Some nights I fall asleep reading and she sets my eyeglasses on the headboard. Some nights we laugh at the TV and tickle one another crying in laughter. Other nights I massage her neck and back and dwell upon all the times and places I've had her bent over doggie fucking her like a whore. She would do anything I wanted or give me anything that I demanded.
That's gone for now and it's those dangerous words that haunt my fantasies and dreams. I can imagine her soft voice beckoning me forward, saying 'It's ok for now baby' because yes, she will be my whore again.
She'll open her legs wide, needing me deep inside of her. Breathless and sweaty she will serve me again. She cannot go this many weeks without a man inside of her, or has it been months? I'm losing all sense of time, and it's felt like a lifetime. The doubts I've planted in my mind grow more intense. Will she ever need me to fuck her again?
Some nights she dozes off while rubbing my chest. But some nights, it happens. It's when my hands quickly assume the position if her gently swirling hand glides down over my cock.
I'm always waiting for that touch. The touch that starts as rubbing then speeds up slowly. I never know when I'll feel it again so I live within every second of it. I've learned to focus on her stroking hand. It is my heaven that feels like hell, because I just want more and more.
Her hand strokes faster and my dick gets harder. She senses when it's time to start sucking on my nipple. This makes me even hornier and my toes begin to curl. She squeezes my cock harder as she pumps faster. It feels like a tight pussy I wanna push my finger into...
"No" she whispers when my finger slides down into her pubic hair. My hand returns where it belongs, behind my head. I smile. I love how she teases me. Her hand begins stroking my cock again while she hums a tuneless happy song, like a person performing a simple chore.
I try to relax, because it requires all of my willpower to not roll her over and force her to surrender. I want to listen to her beg of how she needs me, but I don't want to break this spell.
I remember gripping her ass cheeks and spreading them far apart as I squeezed handprints into her soft skin. I would cum deep inside her as she cried in orgasmic bliss. I would demand what position I wanted her in and which sexy outfit to wear. I could get sucked off when we drove home. I would grab her hair and...