The day of her party had arrived and Mary was excited beyond words, she had been to one of these type parties years ago in her teens and now she was hosting one. She and fourteen of her friends were going to cram into our lounge tonight for an Ann Summers party. It's basically a night of drinking, laughter and debauchery where women get to slag off their husbands and compare them probably very unfavourably, to the sex-toys on sale.
Mary's cousin Annabelle has started to host these parties over the last year or so, they had gown up very close and were like sisters. Annabelle probably knew my Mary better than I, her own husband did. I was chatting with Brian last week down the pub after work, he was telling me that since she has been doing these, their sex-life has gone from stale to red hot. He is having trouble keeping up with her after a night of sexual toy sales, she comes home insatiable. Brian and Annabelle married the year before we did, Mary was her maid of honour, Brian works with me down the warehouse on the forklifts.
I was secretly hoping some of this sexual high might rub off on my Mary, our sex life had dwindled of late, no, not of late, that's a lie. To be honest, it had been almost non-existent for at least a year or two now.
She had always been the adventurous one, she was the one that wanted more dangerous sex, outside or where we might be caught, or in the cinema or a bus, anything that made it more exciting, she was up for it.
We have been married coming up to eight years and we had two children in quick succession, really its since then our intimacy has been near non-existent. I can't put it all on her though, we are both tired what seems like all the damn time.
She says that it's me, that I don't ask anymore or make a move on her. I suppose she is right in a way and I have gotten lazy. In my defence, like I say, she has always been the more domineering one in our bedroom. It seems to be the way she likes it, she likes to be on top or tells me what she likes so I go with it. To be quite honest, I like it that way too but after looking after the kids all day I can understand that she doesn't want to look after me too.
Mary's parents have the kids over once a month and so do mine, so we do get time alone. It just seems that if we go to the pub or out for a meal, when we get back we are both too knackered to think of anything but sleep.
Anyway, the party, it was lovely to see her excited. She had this spring in her step all day getting everything ready for the night ahead. The house was full of food of all types, curry, sandwiches, chilli, cold meats. Whatever she could think of, I guarantee it would be sitting on the worktops of our kitchen under clingfilm. A massive bowl of punch with an empty bottle vodka alongside it adorned the dining room table along with spirits and mixers of every kind, the ladies were in for a fun night.
As her friends started to arrive she told me that I had to make myself scarce, I had a night of snooker planned with my friend Harry, so at 7pm I made my way exit quietly leaving her to her fun. My evening was perfect, I beat him 5 to 3 so it meant it was Harry's treat this week.
I returned home at 11pm to a crescendo of noise as I opened the front door, they were all still at it. I thought the party would've been over an hour ago at least, but the sounds of women whooping and squealing in excitement from my lounge filled the air. I made my way quietly into the kitchen to find a dozen empty bottles of wine, half eaten food and two empty vodka bottles in the sink.
"Damn, these women are worse than their husbands." I said under my breath.
"Gordon!" came a shriek from the doorway, it was Rosie our loudmouth nosey neighbour.
"Girls, girls, Gordy is back." She screamed over her shoulder at the top of her very annoying voice.
With that, she came at me like a bull. She stumbled on her way spilling half her glass of red wine onto the tiled floor. I jumped to avoid the splashback to no avail, the wine soaked the bottom of my new jeans from my knees down.
"Fuck sake Rosie!" I shouted at her and grabbed for a dishcloth.
"It'pths ok" she slurred. "Come here," she was a mess, drunk as a skunk.
She made a grab for the waistband of my jeans and was at my feet frantically trying to stand by pulling herself up my body.
"Rosie, Stop!" she somehow managed to get the top button undone before I escaped her grasp, just then my wife walked in.
I was backed against a worktop and Rosie is at my feet on her knees, I am trying my level best to slap her hands away and do up the button as my wife looked on open-mouthed.
"Well?" she says.
"I-I-I," I manager to stammer in panic. Shit, I am fucked, I thought.
I notice a smile crack her lips, this I was not expecting. I was expecting a tirade of abuse followed by pots and pans flying in my general direction.
Rosie managed to scramble to her feet, pulling herself up by the worktop and slouching against it unsteadily. She had absolutely no idea of the predicament she put me in.
"Mare, his jeans." She said, pointing to my legs. "His jeans, the wine, soaked, hic!"
With that, she falls against a cabinet and slides back down in slow-motion back into the puddle on the wine-soaked floor.
I am still terrified of what the situation looks like and slyly tried to do up the button without my wife seeing it.
"It's ok." She said, "I was just behind her when she came in. You are sooooo lucky," she continued grinning, "I saw it all."
Mary reached out and took my hand,
"Come on, meet the girls."
She tugged at my hand and I stepped over the prostrate Rosie who was flapping about like a fish.
"I am ok, really, I'm ok." She mumbled as I looked down at her slipping about before some cursing was aimed at me as she tried to stand.
"Ladies, my Gordon....Gordon, the ladies." My wife announced, like I was being introduced at the mayors ball. Drunken whoops went up all round with quite a few embarrassing cat calls.
The sight before me was one to behold. One of her more petite friends Francis, who was normally a very quiet demure type of girl, had a belt around her waist and it had the biggest, most obscene rubber dong protruding from the front that I had ever seen.
All the women were as drunk as anyone could be, most were playing silly games in order to win prizes. One woman was on her knees in front of another, the one standing had a dildo protruding from her groin and the one kneeling had to get it from her using only her mouth while being cheered on by the assembled throng.
"Shit." I whispered to my wife. "Is this what goes on all the time at these things?"
"Sometimes," she said. "Annabelle is just about to do the orders, you cannot stick around for that, they are done in private."
Annabelle acknowledged me with a little wave and handed out the order forms. Mary gave me one of her evil glares, "Seriously love, you cannot be here while we order our things."
She shooed me out of the room, "Go on, upstairs with you."
As I walked from the lounge I saw Rosie hanging onto the walls for support, she was on her way back into the noisy room but it looked a real effort. She looked up and gave me a lopsided smile as I passed her.
"For god's sake" I thought, these are worse than any of us blokes on a night out.
Mary woke me at 2.35am, she was pissed. She somehow had gotten herself lost in our bed covers and was struggling to find a way out,
"Hi loverrr." She slurred, as her head appeared next to mine, then burped straight into my face. She then tried to kiss me which at 2.35am after just being woken up was the last thing on my mind, she stunk of booze so I shoved her to her side of the bed and told her to go to sleep.
The next morning was Saturday I woke about 8am and went to see to the children. I took them to the park to allow her to get a peacefully lay in. We had a lovely morning and went to the local café for a breakfast before making our way home at around 3pm. She was still in bed but eventually dragged herself up around four in the afternoon.
