I had not seen Jan in several years; not since her boyfriend had gotten killed after losing the bet that his car could make it back into the correct lane before the semi reached him. She was a small woman in her forties, ten years older than her boyfriend and was a sexual dynamo. Not that I knew personally, he had shown me the videos of her tight little body being pounded by him, participating in a two girl orgy while he watched and even taking on some huge black guy in a hotel room on vacation.
Anyway I had bumped into her again at work and at first I did not recognize her, she was wearing dowdy clothes that made her look at least ten years older, but it was the hair that really got me. She had it styled in a really fake looking red, and it was puffed up like you see the old ladies wear it. If the clothing added ten years to her age the hair added twenty.
I said hello and we wound up talking, which lead to lunch. She told me since the accident that she had not dated anyone, and then it came out: she had felt guilty because he had been rushing home to her when it had happened. She started to cry and I held her as she sobbed and shook.
I told her that it was not her fault, that there was no way she could have known he was going to do what he did on that rainy road. She said she knew but she could not shake the thought.
I drove her home and she invited me up, maybe I should not have accepted her invitation, but I did. We talked some more, I decided to bring up her appearance by asking why she had dyed her hair.
"I know! I did not know what I was thinking. My daughters hate it! I know it's awful, and the clothes, it's just that...I don't know, maybe I don't want a relationship right now, or ever. Maybe I am punishing myself. I really don't know," she said rubbing her hands together.
I told her that that was a bit harsh.
"Well maybe so. But I guess so but what am I supposed to do now, shave it all off?" she said with a laugh.
"Well there is no law against that, and that is what they make wigs for," I said laughing and never dreaming of what she would say next.
She paused for a moment in thought, then said "Maybe I should."